This is where I need to be-HELP! PLEASE!

Boy, am I glad you are all here. I go to AA, have been for over 10 years. But dealing with this along with wls is a whole different story (or so we alcoholics would like to think!). I had my wls 5 years ago, have lost 200-210 pounds and am holding steady. I had a relapse 2 weeks ago and it was NOTHING like anything I've ever experienced. You've probably all read this article before: www.beyondchange-obesity.com/ obesityResearch/precautionsWithAlcohol.html That's the way it was with me. I was obliterated before I even got drunk. I ended up falling down and bashing my ribs and giving myself a lovely bruised chin. Absolutely disgusting. Scary thing is, it didn't even take that much alcohol (what exactly is "that much alcohol"? Didn't I read something somewhere about the only one that counts is the first one?) Anyway, the past is past and I can only move forward. What I'm having trouble with is, no surprise here, my husband.He is really being disrespectful, vengeful, downright mean. I can understand where he's coming from, but I don't know if I have the strength to endure a perpetual, unceasing onslaught. I feel enough guilt and remorse without him treating me like a rabid dog. This is probably the time he least feels like loving and supporting me, but it's the time I need it the most. I am vulnerable now; a state I am very unused to. I don't want to comprimise my sobriety. I have gained 5 pounds in the past week, so my sobriety is halfway out the door already. I know a lot of people will say to leave him. Separation, if he continues, may be necessary, but it hasn't come to that yet. I need to figure out how to handle this w/o throwing everything to hell in a handbasket. Just to make it interesting, my husband is Chinese. Despite everything he's seen and heard over the past decade, he still seems to think this is a moral issue. He doesn't understand the disease aspect. A lot of his disrespect comes from thinking I'm undisciplined and can't control myself when I should be able to. Educating him is useless after all of this time and effort. I need to worry about my side of the street. Any ideas on where to begin? Of course, I go to meetings and speak with my sponsor daily. Still, throw in the food issues and I think this forum may be able to give me some ideas I can't get elsewhere. As you can see, I jump right on in. Hey, this is my life I'm fighting for! Thanks All, Vicki

Vicki-I cannot tell you where to begin....I am going thru this for the first time. I have never drank-or had a problem drinking- in the past. Of course I went to college in the 80's and had a lot of fun. I have went to weddings and christmas parties and get-togethers and have over-done it then. BUT no guilt. Just one of those things, you know? But I went on a first date in Feb 05 (surgery Oct 18 '04) and had 1 (okay, 3-cuz they went down so smoothly and no dumping and , hey I was nervous-first date!) glass of wine....oooh was that fun. Since then I have continuously progressed-drinking every other or every day if opportunity allows) And by the way-still with that guy and thanks (regarding hiding the drinking thing) to schedules and kids we only see each other every other wkend, so he has no clue. So now I am living a lie AND dealing with internal guilt. It is the guilt thats killing me-mentally anyway. I am going to call a recommeded therapist on Mon. to talk about addiction transference....I am replacing food w/beer. Good luck to you, I know I need to seek resources. I hope you find your answers and BE STRONG! There are a lot of ppl out there to talk to! Lori