How Humbling Can It Get???

17 years ago, I entered treatment for drug and alcohol abuse. As an active member of AA I sponsored many women to sobriety......7 weeks ago, I gave up 17 years of sobriety and drank for the entire 7 weeks...every day. After WLS (07/23/03) and losing 227 pounds, acting out in every way conceivable....I finally tried alcohol and it kicked my hiney. Thank God it only took me 7 weeks to get sick of myself and realize I was done...I have been sober now for 3 days and I've never felt better. I am sooo very grateful that it only took me 7 weeks to come to the awareness, with the help of some very, very dear loving friends from OH. I come here today and post this because it seems the fitting forum for it and to read about others struggles with cross addictions.....now that I've been sliced and diced and food is no longer an option......let's see I've tried anorexia (almost killed myself at 4 months postop), compulsive and excessive exercise (again, almost killed myself but I lost weight!) money (totally broke now), over working (now too healthy physically to be that inactive), unemployment (almost homeless), manipulation ("They" are all sick of me), men (how boring THAT became), drugs (don't like those anymore, don't want to be THAT numb), pulled a geographic (sold home and moved and just recently almost did another one, whew *as she wipes her brow*)....and now alcohol and it's gone.......dear God, I wonder what my pea brain will come up with next.......how scary. So, when I tell you I understand......I understand. Please hold me in your prayers that I continue to grow and become more aware of who I am and my own authenticity. I am human and flawed....I love the feeling of balance, I am daily building strength with this...some days are 2 steps back and 1 forward......and then a breakthrough and it's 5 forward......and thus, progress not perfection. Thanks for reading and any wishes you might send my way from your heart. xoxox Jeannie

Hello Jeannie!!! I just stumbled across this forum today and found your post. I was wondering how you are doing, it has been a week since you have posted and I wanted to know if you are still staying strong in your sobriety. I have been there and done that too, now breaking my addiction to cigarettes and taming the anorexia beast. I want you to know that people think of you and would love to see you come out on top of this too. Sincerely, Christina

Hi Christina, I am now 8 days sober and doing quite well. Getting sober this time is quite different than it was 17 years ago...LOL. Much harder in fact, but then it means so much more because 17 years ago I smoked and ate......now I do neither of those things. So this is sober and a half. Today is a good day......I do not want to drink and for today I am not. Thank you very much for your wishes.....and good luck on your smoking....and omg anorexia...now that's a powerful beast indeed, one wiht many heads.......... Jeannie

Christina, Hi . Reading your post is a huge wake up call for me. I was sober for 9 years, then a couple of glasses of red wine at a friends wedding have sent me down that ugly rocky road. I hate feeling sick and tired. I haven't drank yet today, but it's early yet. I know if I can just get through these first few days it will get alittle easier. I'm terrified I won't be able to do it. How the hell did I end up here? It's exhausting tring to hide the fact that I'm drinking again from my kids and husband. The feelings of guilt are crushing. Thanks for listening. Lisa

Lisa, I'm Jeannie and you posted to me.......not Christina. I'm not sure if you meant to post to her but I will answer your post. I understand the fear and the guilt. I at first tried to hide it too, but my husband knew. He has 18 years of sobriety. He was crushed and scared. But he loved me through it and even bought my wine. He did a lot of praying though. He never tried to 12 step me, just loved me through it and cried a lot. I didn't get sober again for him however, I did it for me. How the hell did I end up here indeed? That is the question I asked myself over and over......I have to believe that they were right when they said the disease continues whether I drink or not. Mine did. When I first picked up that glass of wine....at a friends house, just social, only one, my disease kicked in as though I had never stopped drinking and I picked up 17 years down the road and it was a hard, rocky road... within 3 weeks I was blacking out and not remember who I had talked to. My phone conversations were deteriorating and my family knew I was drinking...either that or losing my mind because I was making no sense. I live in Phoenix an dall my family are in Cali so no one could "see" me drinking....as though that was some kind of immunity for me LOL. Ahhh Lisa, I totally understand...for today I am not drinking. For today I know why and for today I don't want to. I wish the best for you........and I support you in your choice because ultimately it is OUR choice isn't it? Do we want to live or do we want to die? Today I choose to live. Respectfully and with love and concern, Jeannie

Thanks Jeannie, I did mean to post to you. Nine years ago I voluntarily signed up for outpatient rehab after a nasty bout of Pancreatitis It was hard as hell they wanted to put me in a facility. I just knew that I had to be sure I could stay sober in my own reality or it wasn't going to work for me. I forgot the most important thing they taught me though. "One drink will always be too many and a hundred will never be enough" I haven't been to an AA meeting in about 7 1/2 years. We moved from Washington to New Mexico and I just never found one that fit my comfort zone. I live in New York now and I'm thinking about getting my butt to a meeting. It's gonna take me a little while to get my courage up. But like you for today I am choosing not to drink. I'm very greatful I found your post today I was feeling very alone. Today I will choose to live too. Thanks L

My heart goes out to all of you women and every one else suffering My heart also goes to your families and loved ones God bless you. Please pray seek therapy get to the underlying isssues whatever they may be and God bless you. again and again. Have strenghth and walk in LOVE

Gambing. I think you may have overlooked gambling. (Just mentining it so you can decide in advance that it's also a bad idea.) I'm working on moving from LapBand to DS and I've been going over a similar list in my mind (mine actually started with peanut butter sandwiches, then moved to pastramis, then cigarettes, then booze, Valium, men, Valium, food) and wondering where I'm going next. You know, all you can do is all you can do. And only for the moment, at that. Good luck to you. Sue

LOLOLOL Actually I got rid of that one when I was 21.....I hit 4 Wagon Wheels at Harveys in Lake Tahoe on my 21st birthday......I spent the next 18 months trying every damned weekend to do it again.......I spent the farm!!! Then one day driving home I realized I could have paid the rent, bought new shoes and paid the PG&E (California Utilities) with the money I had lost......and being a hairdresser I calculated and found out I had stood on my poor fat feet for over 12 hours to earn what I had just blown in like 3 hours.......DONE. Don't know why, but that was it for me on the freakin' gambling thing. Now, how do I do the same thing with a man??? hmmmm? and all I can do is all I can do for the moment. Good luck to you too Sue. J

hey i just stumbled across your post and i wanted to tell you that i admire you and your years of sobriety. I hope you aren't beating yourself up too bad over it. stay encouraged... everyday is a new day and all of the years sober were not lost or negated in your brief stint of take care and know you're cared for.