ANOREXIA...

Hello Everyone, I am not really new to this site. Actually, I had my surgery 17 months ago and achieved goal without a problem. But, once I got to goal, even though I may have looked thin, I still wanted to lose more, and I became addicted to seeing the losses. I am now underweight - but not because of the surgery, its because I severely restrict my calories. I don't resent the surgery at all - it saved me. But, I was recently diagnosed with Anorexia, and I am now seeing a therapist and I am under treatment. According to my surgeon, Anorexia can occur in a very small percentage of post WLS patients who achieve great success with their surgeries, but for some reason or another, become addicted with weight loss, body image, and food control. I was totally shocked to come to the realization that I was one of these people when I went to the doctor for another illness, that I was causing myself by not eating. The reason I am writing this is because I am looking for others who may have experienced this kind of problem. I have so many questions. In truth, I am a well-established and respected member of ObesityHelp, and I purposefully created this new fake profile to log in with, so that nobody would know who I really was. I am so ashamed of this problem. Everyone who knows me on ObesityHelp thinks of me as a very successfull post-op, who has surpassed their goal weight, and is very active in ObesityHelp. I must admit, I look so terrific when I am clothed, but naked, my ribs and back bone stick out. I can honestly say that I have caused myself to lose too much weight, but just knowing about the problem doesn't fix it, which is why I am secretly in therapy now. Any insight would be great - I would really like to share this with someone who is having similar problems. Thanks much, Justa Mann

Hello- I had to reply to your post- not because I am experiencing the EXACT problem you are, but because I suffer bouts of it. I am nowhere near being underweight, but the control issue has always been the heart of my weight problem. When I 'allow' myself to overeat, I love the fact that I can give myself permission, but converserly, I so much love the control I can feel when I can finally get into that groove of not eating- it takes a bit, but when I get into I love it! I know it is sick, but when I get into it, it is difficult to get back out. When I am in that phase, I shop so very carefully that only allow myself foods that are 50-60 calories per serving, and I very carefully measure. I relish feelings of hunger because they show how much control I have. When I gfet dizzy, I just drink water or tea because I know the dizziness will soon pass, and if the hunger is too great, I just try to sleep it off. I can truly understand just about any eating disorder- I went through such a bulemic phase in high school that I couldn't talk for periods of days at a time from the damage in my throat- and I was a singer!! I have starved myself, I overeat to the point so far past discomfort (sometimes I think as a punishment)... we are sick, just as an alcoholic. With compassion- Donna

Dear "justamann", At four months post op the power of anorexia grabbed me by the throat and it took almost dying to get treatment. My heart stopped beating and my potassium was non-existent. I crashed and burned in a glass enclosed shower, blacking out and being cut and bruised - ER treatment and 4 appts a week with surgeon, nutritionist, PCP and therapist and 4 months later I was aware of the reasons behind my anorexia. For me it was about control and power. My ego was also a part of the issue. I was "better than" because I no longer had to over eat like so many others. It was a very powerful feeling to feel better than because I could "control" myself finally.....after years of binge eating and feeling out of control.......I had to learn it was the exact same spectrum, just an opposite end...... Also, for me the psychological, physical and mental responses to NOT eating versus OVER eating were faster and more effective for numbing myself and being able to live in fantasy and absolutely ignore the responsibility of living in reality. That was just my process.......recently I tried alcohol only to have my hiney kicked again......I'm beginning to think my entire life will be one of surrender......... It's the journey not the destination, and I have to remember that every single second or I'm off and to the races trying to control and manipulate myself and others into what I perceive reality, when actually it doesn't even exist.......LOL, nor do the "movies" I make in my head. If I've only learned one thing as a post op...it is that I have to be rigorously honest with myself and stop the "B.S.ing" or I will never live an authentic life and I will miss out on all the beauty and that I might as well have stayed 380 pounds....... Good luck to you and I hope you are able to "come out" with your real self at some point.....you could help far more people than you realize in your shame than in your "well-established and respected member of ObesityHelp," persona..........AND YOU WOULD REALLY BE HELPING THEM NOT JUST PRETENDING TO HELP THEM. Just my humble opinion.......and I'm pretty "out there" in OH too (in my little circle).....though not as high profile as you apparently......LOL......but if I'm not me then who the hell am I???? And an even bigger question for me is if I'm not me then how in the hell am I ever going to know why I'm here???? Again, not a flame, just perhaps something to think about......honestly, I'm too busy with my own growth, and keeping my own side of the street as clean as I can to be judgemental about the weeds in the cracks of the sidewalk on your side of the street........... I dare you to face your shame, find out who "justamann" really is below that shame....you deserve to know yourself...you will find something wonderful I promise....you will find yourself and there is no better creation in the universe....and no other like you.....I promise. Risk it all to get it all.....c'mon you sliced and diced your body.....now be willing to slice and dice your psyche.........C'mon I dare ya!....... Me

I've got binge eating disorder myself. I had it before the surgery. I do ok when I'm not depressed. Unfortunately, my anti depressants have been highly increased. I'm now on Wellbutrin as well as Effexor. And the Effexor was doubled. I can't do it alone.

I am so glad I came across your post.  I am only 3 weeks post-op, but I am completely repulsed by eating.  Nothing tastes good, the textures gross me out, and I am avoiding the high calorie foods I use to love.  I am drinking about 4-6 cups of 1% milk daily and taking 3 Flinstones chewables.  I add calcium supplements to my milk about every other day (this is up from only once the previous week, it is my main focus at this point). 

Did anyone else experience this repulsion to food??  Does it go away?  If not, I want to get help now before this becomes a hard to break habit, do I just go to a nutritionist?

Thanks in advance for any help or suggestions anyone has.