A belated Hi to everyone

I have hung out on OH for a couple of weeks now and just the other day found this forum. I was SO excited to find a group that could relate to ALL my problems ... not "just" the weight. I had gotten so much support from the others that I just KNEW I'd find the parts that were missing here. About me: I am 55, married for almost 38 years (2nd marriage), we have 4 fantastic kids - 2 sons, 2 daughters (we did a great job raising them in spite of not being so sure at the time but what parents are?), we have 4 beautiful grandkids - 1 girl, 3 boys, and hoping for at least one more. After considering surgery for over 2 years, I have decided to do it. I am in the beginning stages but so look forward to the changes (physically and emotionally) it will give me to add to the others I have already made. If any of you have read my other rather lengthy posting (I do tend to ramble), you are aware that I have not been sexually abused and my heart and prayers TOTALLY go out to those of you that have. What I dealt with was bad enough. I can't imagine what you've gone and are going through. My father, or LH (Little Hitler) as we now refer to him, was the abuser. The "LH" came from my therapist ... it allowed me to detach from him by not thinking of him as my father. He died a few years ago and I can now say that I'm glad and not care what people may think. He had a purist attitude - sex was for procreation and nothing more. I was a **** in his opinion even though I was scared to death to do the things he accused me of. If I ever did and he found out ... I was beaten at least once a week if there was a reason for it or not. He didn't need a reason - it was his right! It made him feel like a "MAN." He emotionally and mentally abused me by taking away my pride and self esteem before they had a chance to develop. He controlled my life into adulthood ... no, I can now say "I allowed him to" ... until I put my foot down. It took a complete breakdown and the road to recovery to be able to do that and then only because I was 2000 miles away from him. My mother knew ... she was abused as well. She did try to stop him but that resulted in her getting beat and us to be beaten even more. All she could do was show us what real love is. Like so many others, she was afraid to leave. She finally did around their 35th anniversary. She went to a safe house and eventually moved to Missouri to live with my grandparents. She has never looked back and is far better off for it. She is so sweet and compassionate ... something I can't understand since she should be bitter. Unfortunately, my 2 ex-brothers have followed in his footsteps and even worse. One of them sexually assaulted my 2 nieces, as well as emptied Mom's bank account, maxed out her credit cards then gave her 5 minutes to get out. (She lived with him at the time) I just recently found out the other sexually abused our 2 sons. None of them seem to have any problems as a result ... thank God. I now proudly consider myself an only child. My mother lives with us now (serious health issues) and has completely wiped them out of her life as well. I STRONGLY urge any of you that haven't found a counselor to do so ... yesterday! I finally found one 3 years ago that has one by one helped me delete a lot of my bad emotional ghosts. Some may always be with me but I can at least deal with them now. I have read that others can now say they love themselves. I am just beginning to like me and not sure that love can ever be attained but I'm willing to give it a try. (Making a note ... ask therapist, Susan, if she loves herself and what does it feel like? How will I know if it ever happens?) I plan on checking on the posts on here quite often to see what all is going on. If I can ever be of help, please don't hesitate to ask. I seldom have the answers but I am a great listener. I believe that God has allowed me to deal with my rough roads, roller coasters and all that goes with them for a reason. I have decided the only one is so I can relate and not only sympathize with others with the same situations. Until later .... {{{{HUGS}}}} Sandy

hi Sandy I am glad your here.

Hi Mandy, Me, too. It's always helpful to share with those that can understand. {{{{HUGS}}}} Sandy