Emotions about surgery on monday

Please be warned that this may trigger folks that have the same issues..be in a good place if you choose to read. On monday the 18th, I will be having the surgery. Both of my parents are deceased and my father died from colon cancer on his birthday 12/18/04. He of course was the "main" person in the incest/childporn abuse. My mother was a "unwilling" participant, being drugged, she was also involved. Having said all of that, I am sitting here needing soooooooooo much for both of them to be by my side on monday. Despite all of their crazy stuff, at times, they were both wonderful and caring parents that gave me lots of hugs and support. I am wishing for those parents on monday. It was confusing to me growing up to have parents that were different all the time...never knowing what I was going to get on any given moment. I truly believe both of them were multiple personalities undiagnosed. Even before my fathers death, he was lying in his death bed talking like the "kid" he used to be somtimes when I was little, and the kid played with me and rode bikes and we had so much fun. I miss him..I miss her. My mom did try. She honestly tried to be a good mother to us. She and I made alot of peace with one another before her death. She asked me for my forgiveness for her part of the incest and for not keeping us safe from our dad. I dont know what I am needing at this time...I guess I want to know my parents are with my in spirit. In my heart..oh tears...rolling..down..my...face. cryingcryingwetfacecrying.... us

Dear Donna, By now you have already had your surgery. I just had the courage to look at this forum today, I wish I would have seen it earlier so that I could have replied before your surgery. I just want you to know that there are people out there that care about you. You will be in my prayers as you begin the healing from the surgery. I had my surgery 4 months ago. I have been through what you will be going through. My heart breaks for you. I have been through the sexual abuse from my own father and I believe my mom knew but was probably powerless to do anything. My dad was also very physically abusive to her. My parents are now divorce but I have not had to face losing them in death. Once again I want you to know that my heart breaks for you. I don't know what to say to help you with missing your parents, but I am so glad that you are doing this for yourself and I pray that you have someone to support you. Hope to hear from you again as soon as you are able! Love Cathy

Hello Donna I am happy that you have had your surgery we here on the abuse forum are all putting our arms around you in safe comforting love. wE ARE ALL HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE COME THIS FAR IN YOUR JOURNEY AND WE ARE PROUD OF YOU having said that I want you to understand that it is understandable to miss your parents in times of uncertainty or crisis they are the only mom and dad that you have They were flawed but they fed you clothed you made you laugh and made you cry you are bonded to them in so many ways the good and the bad that to not think of them or miss them would be abnormal. You are not alone there are thousands of people that make up the AMOS family and I am sure that you have friends and loved ones that care including the ones that answer your posts. Concentrate on building your strenght inner and outer drink your fluids eat your mush get your protiens in follow the doctors orders and as I always say concentrate on loving your great deserving survivor self. Take Care Dee