hello :)

Jami, I can relate alot. My mother passed away october of 02. She and I had discussed my fathers part in the sexual abuse, but we never really discussed her part in the physical/emotional abuse and also the fact that she allowed it to happen. I do also have alot of anger and unprossed rage. I was with her when she passed, and said the same thing. It was ok to go I gained weight for alot of the same reasons you did, for protection. I am pre op as well and fighting to lose weight for surgery. Good luck on your journey

Donna, I can relate to the cause for gaining weight. It was for protection and it is difficult and scary to lose weight while holding on to that idea. I too suffered severe abuse and have been in intense therapy for the past 3 years. I survived every form of abuse imaginable. I feel that working towards physical and mental health are both important to finding happiness. Best of luck to all who have posted here (((((((HUGS)))))))))

DID: Dissociative Identity Disorder Formally known as Multiple Personality Disorder This happens when a child suffers such severe abuse that they dissociate and create an altered state. Those that have DID have very few childhood memories. The memories are held by those alters that experienced the abuse. It is used as a form of survival and is difficult to overcome as an adult. I hope this helps.............

Hi Sonya Thank you for answering this in such a great way Hugs! Caroline

Thank You Caroline, I try to help when I can..... Hello everyone, Sonya

I commend you all for your ability to discuss your abuse histories so openly. I was molested by my father as a teen. I lived with him briefly at that time (about 8 months). Prior to that period I had no weight issues, was active in school sports etc. I began eating as a comfort I guess I could say. By the time I returned to my mother's house after that 8 months, I ballooned so much that my mother weeped and had a roaring arguement with my father, trying to figure out what had happened. At that time it felt impossible for me to tell her what had gone on. My mother had/has a serious mental illness (thus living with my dad for that period, met him for the first time the day he came to take me to his house, haven't talked with him since). I spent years cycling in foster homes, running away from home, risky behaviour (sexual/drugs/criminal activities etc). At age 15 a friend and I ran away to a large city for many months and lived on the streets, shelters, with other run aways. Worse than the abuse at my fathers hands, my friend and I were forcibly confined by a man in a hotel friend for several days while I was repeatedly violated in many ways. My friend was forced to silently watch. After many days of this we were thrown out of the room and told to keep our mouths shut. Several days later I was approached by a young woman and two male friends of hers and warned of what would happen to me if I ever talked. I was then badly beaten. The police did arrive due to a passerby's phone call, but even then I was unable to discuss what happened. It was nearly 2 years before I told a foster parent what happened. I rarely talk about it, and very few people know. Once again, food was my friend. Distructive behaviour. Overly sexual behaviour. I ballooned in weight once again. My salvation came at age 17, when full of rage/hate/hurt/devestation, I became pregnant with my son. I promised at that moment of hearing I was to be a mother, that nothing bad would ever happen to my child. That I'd be the mother I never had, regardless of what people thought of me being a young mother (taboo in a small town for sure!). I named my son Matthew which means "gift from god" and to this day he IS my gift from God. I will turn 30 in a few weeks, and up until last year I had not reached a truly "healed" point in my life. When I felt I was as healed as I could become, I was ready to tackle the problem that I had created about using food as comfort, food as my "best/only friend". Having this surgery has been a blessing in so many ways, one of which was a feeling of having reclaimed my life back from abusers, from my self sabotaging of my body. Last week I had the most spiritual moment I have had in all of my life. I was reflecting on my past, how far I've come. I stood in the mirror and saw the new slimmer face, a PRETTY face even, and thought "I've finally arrived". I have really faced my demons and conquered them. I have come so far and those people who helped bring me down no longer have any power over me. It was a glorious moment that I can't really describe adequatly in words. I felt transcended, at the risk of sounding odd ;) . I no longer need to destroy my body, hate my body, be fearful of my body. I am ALLOWED to feel beautiful, to BE beautiful with no more fear that this is going to leave me at risk for further abuse. I felt/feel truly blessed. I know how some of you feel, those of you whose mother's knew of abuse happening, or suspected, and did nothing. My mother had to have known after I returned to her. Years later I did tell her what had happened, and I shouldn't have been shocked at her lack of outrage or empathy, but of course I was. After years of telling her to NOT bring up my father's name or him in conversation, she still does it, despite knowing that it is a topic not up for discussion with me. She tells me how he was the love of her life and she still can't be with anyone because of her love for him. How can you love a man who abused his own daughter? YOUR daughter?? I think this is the last unhealed part of me. I don't know how to heal this area??? (((hugs))) to all you courageous women! Melissa