hello :)

I am the first to post here hehe I am not new to AMOS but new to this forum. I am a survivor of extrememe sexual abuse and child *****graphy. Id like to talk to other survivors as well. The incest and child *****graphy (CP) played a huge part of me becoming Morbidly obese. I subconsiously gained weight to appear non attractive to the perps. it worked. I am also DID. Donna Preop

Hi Donna- I am a survivor of being molested by a babysitter at the age of 8. I wasnt heavy as a child. I became heavy when I was a teenager. I believe I did it on purpose so no man would ever hurt me again. I was a late bloomer, I did not date till after I graduated H.S. Even then I had some pretty bad experiences. As much as I am excited about the surgery, I worry about losing the weight and having nothing to hide behind. As Oprah calls, peeling back the layers. I have a boyfriend of almost 4 and 1/2 years. He has been great but now I will have many worries. Sharon

Hi Sharon, I can see how your past sexual abuse would interfere with your relationship now. I am divorced, but when I wasnt so heavy I carried on with many partners that I did not love. I used sex to feel better about myself. Now I havent had any relationships, sex or otherwise for many years. I know that the sexual abuse is a major cause of this. I hope that one day we can all have normal healthy relationships despite our horrible pasts. Take gentle care, Donna preop

HI Donna- I am a survivor of sexual abuse that occurred from the time I was 4 until I left home at 13. The abuser/rapist was my step-father, but my mother encouraged him to do it. I was also raped by my much older cousin when I was in the 3rd grade and was staying with my aunt's family. I can certianly understand the lasting effects of the abuse- please feel free to email me anytime: [email protected] Be well- Donna

Hi Donna, Let me offer you ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) safe ones. I was also incested by my father from the age of 9 mos until 11 years. He stopped right when I got my period. The CP (child *****grapy) lasted form around 1-7. For me it was the worst because there were multiple perps involvd. I am sitting with you if you like and offering support. Donna preop [email protected]

How could your mother encourage him?!?!!??!?!?!?! That sounds like the worst thing i ever heard in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Donna and everyone Just wanting to wave "hi" We "met" in the main message board some time back and it's good to see you here. I also have DID and it's nice to know I'm not alone here! Caroline

Hey Caroline, I remember you Its nice to see you here. I think we have a whole extra set of problems aside from being morbidly obese. I cant get my insiders to cooperate enough to loose weight pre surgery It has been a mess. We were denied food as a child so often that I think they are afraid of starving to death....ya right. Wish I could find a way to let them know that will never happen. Donna

Hi Caroline & Donna- Just curious- what is DID? Thanks, Donna

Where do you start. Congratulations to all of you survivors who are so brave to talk about it. Unfortunately, I too am a member of the "group." My father molested me from the time I was 18 months old until my early teens. I buried the memories for a long time, but looking back on things my whole life revolves around what happened. (Although in a group therapy sesion I attend weekly they say earthquakes happen, molest is a choice made by someone to do to another.) I thank God everyday for my family, friends and wonderful doctors who are helping me through this. I literally would not be alive today - somedays I think I won't make it until tomorrow - without them. I was a little heavy as a child, but lost alot of weight when I moved out of the house. I gained a ton (almost literally) as soon as my now husband fell in love with me. The closer he got, the more I put on. I guess I needed protection and figured he would hate me if I was fat. I am pre-op at this point and worry what I will do without my layer of protection. So many victims turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, I chose food. But at least the good news is that after 25 years he is still with me and I love him more than anything, especially for putting up with all my depression and anxiety. My mother died in April and I never confronted her about anything. She knew but I fiugured she thought I was happy with a wonderful family and since she was elderly and sick I saw no reason to talk to her about it. The day she died, I told her everything was alright and she could let go and I know by the look in her eyes she knew what I meant. I still have a lot of hatred to get over. I just add that to my to-do list. Well, thanks for listening. Hope you all have a good weekend and take care of yourself.