Haven't been treated for depression since high school...
Hi everyone. I've been feeling pretty hopeless for a while now. I feel like these dark emotions come and go like waves. Sometimes I can go for months without feeling so sad and other times I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. It hasn't gotten to the the point where I call of work or stop doing the things I normally do. I find myself fighting back tears at work. I've caught myself looking up things online which I probably shouldn't like what the process is in overdoses of certain medications. I know I would not hurt myself, I'm too afraid of death. Ironic? I don't know.
Other things I've noticed through out the years. Work has been extremely tough as far as who my bosses. Right now things are the best they've been in a while but having to fix the stupid mistakes of your superiors doesn't make for the best work environment. Luckily that person is gone. Still I belive that my stress/anxiety issues began because of this. In 2010 I started to notice little round spots on my hands that would be itchy and grow wider over time until they disappeared. A friend of mine told me that maybe it could be ringworm. I thought it was possible because my dog had it. Well, I went to my PCP and two dermatologist and was treated for almost a whole year for ringworm. It wasn't until the second dermatologist decided to do a skin biopsy that I found out I had hives! After that I went to an allergist that checked for basic allergens and told me everthing came out negative. So I started to pay attention to when I got them and I really think they have to do with stress/anxiety.
I feel like I'm not exactly paralized by fear they certainly do show up on my skin in the most annoying manner. The itch can be so unberable especially in the palms of my hands and on my feet. To the point where even washing my hands is horrible. I have been working in a different department at work and the hives had disappeared for months but they're back now. I know its not work because things are okay here. I know my regain after RNY has been on my mind as well as my doggie being sick but its not like I haven't been through that before. Its hard because sometimes I can pinpoint what has stressed me out and sometimes I can't. It can happen when I'm happy anxious and when something stressful happens. Make sense??? I have no idea.
Well I've been rambling on enough. I just needed to get it off my chest. I think I'm going to use the EAP at work to find a therapist.
