Needing guidance cause I'm losing it

I am a gastric bypass 5yrs out. I went into surgery at 322, 5ft 5in. and I am now 175lb and counting on and off. I knew that my sex life would change because of how my body would be viewed. I have no breast, sagging skin in my arms, stomach and on everything underneath that. I look good with my clothes on but off it is a crime. This makes me very self-conscious, something that I never was before and depressed. I love sex and attention and long for affection and want to get married since I have never been, but I think that as of today it will not happen. I was recently in a relationship with a guy that I reconnected with after 23 years on facebook who live in a different state than me. We talked on the phone and had great ******** for 4 months. In between the time we finally saw each other for Thanksgiving, I expressed my concerns about my body to him and offered him a reprieve if he could not handle it and no longer wanted to continue the physical part of the relationship. He in a nutshell said he was ok with that, saw him for Thanksgiving and everything seemingly was fine. Well we met again for New Years and he wasn't affectionate and while I was there for a total of 4 days he only touched me once and during that time we attempted to have sex but he couldn't stay at attention; which became a rush job in the end. Well this messed with me and started to crumble the relationship. I finally confronted him last Monday as to what the problem was and he said that I wasn't his "type". That he was use to little women and that he tried to make it work with me but he just couldn't. Now I was ok with the what he was use to but I had a problem with the sex part. You mean to tell me that you could not keep yourself at attention because the sight of me disgusted you that much!!!! I was mad at first, but now I'm soooooooooo sad because what if this is the rest of my life. Am I really being punished for trying to make a better me. I don't know what to do cause it hurts so much. 

Sorry for you experience..   just know that dating is the time where we are to "get to know" the other person to see if we are compatible.  Please try not to take it to heart sooo much.  I'm sure there were or will be other men out there that perhaps you will not be "so into".  

As for sex.. I do know that if I'm not into it with the person then it does reflect on my "performance" and I can only imagine a man would be the same.

Be sad a little and then get over yourself and move on .. there are others out there!!

 

Thanks for your support. I'm trying to look at it for all angles and I do realize he is just one man. I guess it hurt more because of how he said and when he said not so much that he said it because I realize that everything is not for everybody and it takes someone who is secure in themselves and mature in mental to appreciate me. As of this morning I have decided not to let it break me and I am forgeting and moving on. It just stings as all because I wouldn't have seen that coming from him ever. But thank you   your encouragement is appreciated.

Hello Fellow Houstonian!

I just wanted to say, its one guy, he's a loser, move on... I will be going into surgery with about the same stats, and fear the skin issue, too... I'm also having a mostly-online relationship, with a great guy that I reconnected with after 8 years. I'm going to see him in April, but luckily he is the type of guy who is into big gals, as he puts it.

If you are having problems with depression, it may be time to get into therapy... I am a big believer in seeking mental help when needed. If you decide to seek out psychiatric help, let me know and I'll give you the info for my psychiatrist's office. All of the docs there are great!

Whitney

Thanks so much for the encouragement and I know your surgery will go well and you will do great.
After all of my post and responses I feel so much better about everything. I have even made an appointment with a therapist and hopefully I can get to a better place about everything. But only in time will I tell, lol. I hope you and your guy blossom and he is true because being single out here sucks and it would be a blessing if truly realizes and appreciates the beauty on the inside of you. And if he does now he will always, so no worries. K? K.

Thanks and please keep in touch, I need all the friends I can get.