Self confidence or something else...husband issues...

I think this may be mental but not sure. I thought that I should post here and see if anyone else has experienced this.

Since my surgery, I no longer feel the need to put up with my husband's foolishness. Of course, since my surgery I have more self confidence, I feel that my daughter and I should be the highest priority and way before his addiction to gambling. However, I think he does not, as he continues to gamble and both she and I continue to go without things because of it. I no longer feel in love with him and I am very bitter about his addiction. I do not want to and I hope that I never have to be intimate with him ever again.

We had these problems prior to surgery but I now feel like I just don't have to put up with it. I feel that I deserve better than that. Has anyone else been through something like that? 



 

Hi Susan..

I believe you can substitute any other addiction to replace gambling..  ie: alcohol, eating, shopping, sex.. and you will have the same answers.

You are correct that you and your daughter should be his number one priority and I would believe that he wishes he could place you both as number one.  However, as with any addiction the loved ones are often placed second.. third.. or lower on the priority list.

I would recommend for you and your daughter to attend an Alanon class in your area.  Tho the addiction is gambling.. I believe you "may" be able to get some very useful information and support from it.

You do deserve to be happy in this life as it's the only one that you'll receive here on this earth.  You have alot of decisions to make and ones that will be very heartfelt and challenging.  Please remember that you have no control over anyone or anyone's actions but yourself.  And... you are never alone.. there are many just like you. 

I myself am an alcoholic who has been sober now for over 3 years.  Tho on the other side of your situation, I can relate to it as I had to tell someone I cared about greatly that they had to leave my home when they themself could not hold onto sobriety.   

Possible helpful links..

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/gambling_addiction.htm

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Best wishes..

 

Thank you so much for  your response Rhonda. It is difficult and I will check out the links that you provided. I know I have decisions to make and I hope that I can receive support and answers to the questions that I have. Thank you again for sharing your story and for your support.

Susan

Susan,

You've made a huge life change by having your RNY and getting healthy for yourself and your daughter.    I don't have experience with Alanon but I'm sure Rhonda's advice is good.  I would say that if you don't get all you need there consult a good Dr. of psychology.  I've suffered from serious depression several times in my life because of a difficult childhood and a good therapist is how I was able to make the decisions I needed to and reclaim my life when things looked bleak.

Congratulations on your weight loss and all the best to you and your daughter.   You can have whatever life you want to have.  You deserve it.

MJ