candy...

  im furious with myself..  i have been eating mini candy bars..... by the handfulls.... hubby bought a ton of halloween candy on sale.. hes 180lbs an can eat anything..  i cant stop myself... i thought at first just one wont hurt..  then another then another..  thought for sure i would dump but i didnt..  now its like i have to argue with myself over CRAP for hrs to keep from eating it... ive never been a binge eater..  just starved myself for periods of time or ate/normal large portions of the wrong crap and didn't excercise. but never excessive amounts..but this is rediculous.. i on a couple of occasions this past week... ate them an drank water.. till i puked/ purged... something else i have also never done..  even with all the yoyo diets, starving myself, an so on EXCESSIVE COMPULSIVE OVEREATING was never a problem i had..  i dont understand where this is coming from..   i do have an addictive personality, 12 yrs sober next Feb.... but this has thrown me for a loop.. 9 months post op down 167 lbs... now all a sudden warning signs of a eating disorder? whats next? i was doing so well not even wanting to eat at all.. till recently.. was never hungry.. since surgery till now this is totally insane.. im so effing mad at myself...  only things that have changed recently were me going on 2 new meds... celexa (3 wks ago was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression,extreme anxiety/social disorder) and depovera shots...( birthcontrol ) i was told it could possibly increase my hunger but was also told that was a good thing cuz i wasnt getting in my daily calories as it was.. sometimes barely half... sighs... it cant be the meds...can it i feel like such an idiot... i know better, i dont want the crap but i cant stop mysellf..... 

I was on depo for eight years.  The Depo made me feel hungry and have cravings I would normally not have.  As far as the Halloween candy, you and I are in the same boat, I had to get it out of the house.  My husband is a skinny minnie too, but he understood, he keeps a hand full at work or in his truck, but not around me.  Still crave it, but if its not around I make healthier choices.  Be care full around that purging thing, it can get pretty dangerous and habit forming.  Maybe you just felt guilty for eating the candy, you should definitely take precautions to keep away from it.  Something else I found that helps is keeping some sugar free candy around so that I still get my sweet-tooth satisfied, but I do not feel as guilty for eating it, but be care full with it,  if you eat to much it can do some awful things to your bowels.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling with the candy.  I struggle as well.  I was already eating disordered long before I had my surgery.  I binged, grazed, puked, did it all at one point or another.  I benefited from some years in OA, in addition to my AA attendance.  

Are you in therapy?  I suggest it.  I did oupatient eating disorder treatment twice before my surgery.  I am thinking of trying it again this coming summer.  I am getting desperate.

Hugs,
Trish