What is going on in my head?

I am almost a year out from RNY and I have achieved goal, but it has not been easy.  I have had many health issues that have just sent me into a pretty nasty depression.  Not suicidal in the slightest, its just hard to do anything, I know its temporary.  I have started anti-depressants, but not quite yet seeing the benefit.  I also started drinking pretty regularly (1-2 shots a night for the last 2 months).  I have never had problems with drugs or alcohol, but I am finding it hard to just not drink.  I also have not had depression issues before.  I am still in a lot of physical pain and have stopped taking pain meds, drinking helps, I know I am self medicating.  I am not drinking in excess, but then again with us bypassers even a little can be mind altering.  At this point I feel lost, I do not know who I am anymore and I do not know where to start looking.  Some times it just feels downright hopeless and I wish I knew where it was coming from.  There is just so much going on in my life right now it is often overwhelming and unfortunately I don't think that anyone around me could completely understand what I am going through.  I have a very wonderful husband of 15 years who has been so supportive of me through this whole process and he trys so hard to help me, he wants me happy and healthy, but at this point I don't think that is obtainable.  I am afraid that because of this I could very well possibly loose him, it s almost like I am pushing him away, I love him too much to expect him to have to take care of me for the rest of his life, he deserves better.  He says "for better or for worse, through sickness and through health", he keeps saying this when ever I bring up this concern, but its all been SICKNESS and WORSE for a while now.  When does it get better??? When will things start to change?? How far down am I going to get before I loose everything I love?

I am not far enough out myself to say when it will end or get better. Are you seeing a counslor? If not I would highly advise it.

Hang in there,
David B

I have made the appointment to see a counselor, I start next week.  Thanks

It is good that you are starting therapy.  I have been in therapy for over 20 years, and just had my surgery 3 years ago.  There are a lot of emotional issues related to weight loss surgery, and I believe that people should go into the surgery with some therapy BEFORE they go under the knife.

I am in AA, and have been for over 20 years as well.  I had about 5 years without a drink going into my surgery, and picked up and relapsed a little over a year out.  I am still not able to get a year without drinking since two years ago.  The most I have gone is five months.

It might be a good idea to also visit some AA meetings and see if you relate to the feelings that are shared in the meeting.  The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking.  That is it.  You can attend meetings and listen to what is shared, and see if you relate to the life chaos, and emotions.  That is how I started when I first came to AA.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

Trish