My DAD is making things worse....
As someone who has a long family history of mental illness I completely understand where you are coming from. I have the same issue except it's my mother. If not for the medications I take every day I would have taken my own life a long time ago! Nobody can tell you what you do and do not feel. They are not you and until they spend a day in your body experiencing everything that you do....they have no room to say anything. My mother and my siblings don't believe that I'm Bipolar, my mother thinks it's my way of getting out of being productive in life! When there's a deep seeded family history you have to be careful! I lost my father to suicide, mental illness is no joking matter. It sounds to me like your dad has his own issues to deal with and he's in some sort of denial about them. Your mental illness doesn't define you, it doesn't make you who you are and you aren't a bad person because of it!!!!! I unfortunately had to stop talking to my mother because it was doing more harm than good having her constant judgement in my life. Keep your head up and keep taking your meds!!
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through the same crap I am. You sound like a very strong woman and I think that is great. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I know it must have been hard on you. I go through periods where I think about committing suicide but, I have to stop and think it's just my mental illness making me think this way. It's really hard when my sister was the lucky one and didn't develop any problems. She is so successful in life and it makes me look like a major failure. Life is just so tough and I try to make the best of it. Thank's for leaving me this message. It was very touching.....
I feel the same way about my sister! She's lost weight on her own, she's got a college degree, a nice house, nice cars, she's successful and I am stuck in this rut dealing with this mental illness I was dealt! I think about suicide a lot as well, but I won't do that to the people who are there for me and I know that it's not the answer. Everyone in my family has issues, but the difference between them and I is that I choose to face mine and if that makes me the outcast than so be it! We shouldn't hide behind our issues it only makes them worse! I had to learn that I'm not supposed to be like my sister, I was given this for a reason and I believe that reason is to help others. We are more compassionate because we understand what it's like and we live it every day! Think about it this way, you have the ability to help someone who's going through the same things you are and there's no telling how many lives you could save! Don't ever be ashamed of who you are!!
I am Trish, and I have a variety of diagnoses, and alcoholism, in addition to my compulsive eating disorder. I am sorry that your father has a lot of bitterness and anger toward your grandmother. It is not your fault. Mental illness is a disease, not a choice.
My mom developed bipolar disorder when I was born. She was in and out of psychiatric hospitals throughout my childhood. Dad was a violent alcoholic. I was blessed, or cursed to have developed both, along with borderline personality disorder. My mental health issues destroyed my marriage and hurt my kids.
Acceptance of our situations helps us in a huge way. It gives us the freedom to take our medications and go to therapy and learn to lead healthy, productive lives. We don't choose to be mentally ill, any more than a cancer patient chooses to get cancer. We have no choice. In AA, we call that powerlessness. It is the first step of recovery. Once I accepted my diagnoses, and need for meds and therapy, I was able to dig into my faith and grow close to my God. I found it very practical to practice my 12 step recovery on my mental illness.
For whatever reason, I have these diagnoses. I have my childhood memories that include a variety of traumas. I can use those experiences and make my world a better place, or I can wallow in self-pity and get sicker. That is the choice I have to make. I have had episodes of non-compliance with my meds, and it was not pretty. It contributed to a very long alcoholic relapse, and caused me great misery, which was nobody's fault but my own. I chose to not take my meds as prescribed.
The irony of it all, is I now work part time in a psychiatric hospital and encourage my patients to take their meds as prescribed, and talk about it in therapy.
Hang in there.
Trish
My mom developed bipolar disorder when I was born. She was in and out of psychiatric hospitals throughout my childhood. Dad was a violent alcoholic. I was blessed, or cursed to have developed both, along with borderline personality disorder. My mental health issues destroyed my marriage and hurt my kids.
Acceptance of our situations helps us in a huge way. It gives us the freedom to take our medications and go to therapy and learn to lead healthy, productive lives. We don't choose to be mentally ill, any more than a cancer patient chooses to get cancer. We have no choice. In AA, we call that powerlessness. It is the first step of recovery. Once I accepted my diagnoses, and need for meds and therapy, I was able to dig into my faith and grow close to my God. I found it very practical to practice my 12 step recovery on my mental illness.
For whatever reason, I have these diagnoses. I have my childhood memories that include a variety of traumas. I can use those experiences and make my world a better place, or I can wallow in self-pity and get sicker. That is the choice I have to make. I have had episodes of non-compliance with my meds, and it was not pretty. It contributed to a very long alcoholic relapse, and caused me great misery, which was nobody's fault but my own. I chose to not take my meds as prescribed.
The irony of it all, is I now work part time in a psychiatric hospital and encourage my patients to take their meds as prescribed, and talk about it in therapy.
Hang in there.
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Thank you so much for the inspirational message. I think it's great that your able to help other people with the same issues you and I have. You are such an inspiration. I'm stuck home all day everyday with my 3 kids because I can't afford childcare. I start to go crazy at times because I feel like i'm locked in a prison. I would love to do something like what you do. I think that is an amazing job.
I was once where you are. My three kids are all grown now. I earned my bachelors in education after I had them. It took a lot of work, but I also had their father in the picture at that time, and he and I traded off the child care responsibilities while we were in college together. It was not till my divorce, and the youngest started college, that I pursued my Masters in Social Work. I was in my 40s then.
I understand your feeling like a prisoner. If you can, try to find some sort of outlet for all four of you. Go to a park and walk. Find a nature center and go exploring. Find out when story hour at the public library is. Slowly, you will begin to feel some sense of calm about your current situation. They will not be little forever, though it seems that way at times.
If they are old enough, see if they and you qualify for the Headstart program. It is a government subsidized preschool program. If you do, you might then have the opportunity to return to school, even if it is part time. Also, a lot of colleges provide daycare at a somewhat reasonable rate. My youngest attended one when I was in college. He and I walked across campus together all the time. It was neat.
Feel free to PM me if you ever need to cry or just want to talk.
Hugs,
trish
I understand your feeling like a prisoner. If you can, try to find some sort of outlet for all four of you. Go to a park and walk. Find a nature center and go exploring. Find out when story hour at the public library is. Slowly, you will begin to feel some sense of calm about your current situation. They will not be little forever, though it seems that way at times.
If they are old enough, see if they and you qualify for the Headstart program. It is a government subsidized preschool program. If you do, you might then have the opportunity to return to school, even if it is part time. Also, a lot of colleges provide daycare at a somewhat reasonable rate. My youngest attended one when I was in college. He and I walked across campus together all the time. It was neat.
Feel free to PM me if you ever need to cry or just want to talk.
Hugs,
trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
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