New Post, 3 weeks post op RNY, Severely depressed and confused - Any advice please??

Did anyone else post op get so lost post surgery with what to do with themselves?

I have never been this depressed.  I have a therapist appointment soon, but that doesnt help me right now where I feel like my world is crashing.

My fiance of 4 years told me the other day (mind you I am three weeks post Op) that he doesnt want to be with me anymore.

So I have started trying to figure out where I am going what I am going to do.

I have friends that are moving to FL, but I will only know them and my closest family will be still 8 hours away.

I have been day dreaming about the times in my life I felt happy... which werent often... and the places I was at  when I felt this way...

But those places not really easy to get to.

And tonight - for the third time post op I have to go back to the hospital over night for testing because something is wrong with my pouch...

I feel like my world has crashed and burned and I dont know where to go or who to talk to.

I wish I could reverse this damn surgery so at least I could have my body healthy (pre surgery I had no problems except I was heavy) And then I could at least not have this bs to worry about.

My family is so far away from where I am, that I may get a call or two while im in the hospital but since my ex fiance doesnt want to be with me, he will just drive me there and dump me off.

Im so tired of it all... I swear I am.

One thing I have foundthat is a good thing is post surgery, I have learned to love who I was presurgery... I have also found that I love to swim and would love to be near the water....

I heard in FL they have their pools open much longer than they do in the north because it is hot...

But I dont know if I should go there or to NC to be closer to family.

Oh god I dont know I am so lost... and I wish I would have known how unstable my relationship with the person I am living with was before surgery instead of learning my fate when I feel so ill all the time.

Any advice is welcome.

I have thought about making a pros and cons list but they are both the same... same pros same cons.

I feel like my life is over.

Tons of questions flood my mind.  Are you on any psychiatric medications?  Have you ever had a session with a psychiatrist to discuss all of these feelings?  Have you ever been in long term psychotherapy for depression?  Being newly post-op, you are just learning to live life without the food, and make the lifestyle changes that are required for life long success.  That alone can cause feelings to come to the surface.  But, from what you are sharing, you have suffered depression for a while now, even before the surgery.

A good book to read, while pursuing psychotherapy and a medication evaluation, is called "Feeling Good" by David Burns.  I have given it to people in my family and friends who have suffered from depression.  It is extremely helpful.

God bless.
Trish

i only have a couple of minutes to write this but i wanted to respond now because i know how lonely it is to feel depressed, and you sound like you are feeling really isolated and rejected, and i know it's hard to ask for help.

you have some really difficult changes going on and depression is already a risk post-op.  please try to remember as you go through this that depression magnifies EVERY painful feeling, and negative thought, you can possibly have.  it won't make the pain and hopelessness go away, but try not to buy into it.  what they told me in early recovery from depression - would you listen to a crazy person?  just let the tickertape run and keep posting, keep reaching out for help, remember you will be seeing your therapist soon, try calling your friends - stay in touch, and treat yourself well, because right now you need some TLC and you are the only one who can give it to you.

I know how you must feel.I had a VSG  April 1st and have had so many problems,I am now
on Ativan to be able to eat a dinky amt.I can't even get the calories in I 'm supposed to.
I am sooo uncomfortable.I hurt.I was so tired at work,I left early.I cried and cried. This am
I was up at 2:30 with diarrhea and anxiety so bad I didn't go to work.The Ativan is the only
thing that helps so far.I tried to taper down but the anxiety was too much.I tried Lexapro.
too many side effects.I am moving on  to try Zoloft or Vistaril.I thank God for my
husband,I would not make it if it weren't for him.I also feel my life is over because I am
afRaid I won't get past this where I can eat and not feel miserable.Please go get help.
Don't think it will go away on it's own.I have never had  anything like this happen to me in
my life.I can't live this way forever.I pray so hard and I am crying for you now.No one can
understand unles they have been thru this.I am saying a prayer for you.Please do what
you have to do to take care of YOU...dON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE RIGHT
NOW.
                                        KIM
YOUR FIANCE IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE WHAT YOU ARE GOING
THRU

Some people can't handle change at all and it sounds to me like your ex is afraid of the changes you are going through. As we lose weight we become more self confident, we feel better, look better and it's threatening to some. I haven't had surgery yet, but I do know that when you are going through something extreme in life you find out who's really there for you and who's not. It would have been harder for you to marry him and find out afterwards. Stress can and will reak havoc on our bodies and make us sick and unable to heal properly. Venting here helps because there are so many supportive people here. I think finding a good therapist is a really good idea and just trying to relax, breath and take it a day at a time.

And it's true, in Florida we often have our pools open nearly year round, dependig on where you live in Florida! I think a change in scenery might help you a lot! Sometimes what makes us feel better is eliminating what's stressing us out and making us sick.
I hope you find some sort of calm! If you need to talk We're here!  

Thank you guys for all your comments.

I am now over 5 weeks, and am dealing with healing, making the move, and dealing with a broken heart.

I decided to move down South to NC near family - maybe that will help.

I dont know anymore, yes counselling I am looking into that when I get down there.  I am just trying to focus on throwing away 4 years of my life and fiting what I can into two suit cases.

Maybe focusing on myself and being free is what I need... I dont know.

But I have to swallow the pain and find the best of me.

What part of NC are you moving to?  We in NC have a wonderful support group that meets in the Raleigh area that you're more than welcome to join if you'd like some extra support from people who have also had WLS and know exactly what you're going through.  Just let me know.

Sharon 

In my opinion, you made the right choice going back near your family. This surgery is a very crazy experience. I had mine in 2003,and let me tell ya,it was rough. I was alone with a nine year old, and no help at all. My nurse actually helped me pay my rent because I got an infection in my incision and was out of work longer than expected. Some people are so wonderful.
 I know it is easy to regret, but YOU have to believe you did the right thing.This will make you stronger, and more confident, but don't forget to get into counseling.YOU NEED IT ASAP!! Don't avoid it like me and wind up making a mess of your life.
 Four years is a long time, but it wasn't a waste.I am sure you learned allot about yourself in that time.Just know that the best is yet to come, but you have to want it and you have to change emotionally too. Take Care.