x-post: Depression...
Did any of you experience an increase in depression before your surgery? I had my depression under control due to wellbutrin and regular exercise. I kind of hit rock bottom, weight wise (or I guess what I could tolerate). That is when I started researching wls and had my consult with the surgeon. Right now, I am waiting on insurance approval. I have been in such a funk the last couple of weeks, I hardly leave my house. I feel like I am on hold waiting for the insurance. I haven't been exercising which has greatly contributed to the increase in my depression. I feel like I have fallen so far in just a few months. Last november, I was walking the susan g komen 3day (60miles in three days) Last year, I walked over 800 miles training...and now I am having trouble (mentally) walking the dog around the block. I have become so withdrawn and avoid any situation out of my comfort zone.
I don't know that I am looking for any answers in particular. I think that I am just trying to publically acknowledge these feelings and pull myself up by the bootstraps...
mary
I don't know that I am looking for any answers in particular. I think that I am just trying to publically acknowledge these feelings and pull myself up by the bootstraps...
mary
yay for you for posting! when i am depressed i have such a hard time letting anyone know b/c i take such a hit to my self-esteem. so i'm really glad you took that step and i do think it's important.
i had major depression for most of my life until i got in with some really great therapists in my 20's who helped address some of my underlying problems and gave me the support, direction, encouragement, and sometimes kicks in the ass i needed to make the very large behavioral changes necessary to get me un-depressed. and when i say major depression i mean catatonic, month in a locked ward at age 25, suicidal depression. i have a lot of personal experience with recovery from depression, some of which may be helpful to you, some of which may not even apply.
imo you have made some really important changes, and i'm focussed behaviorally so i'm going to focus on the behavioral side because the a/d are more or less a constant for your treatment and between you and your doctor as well. personally from my own experience meds or no meds, the behavioral component is critical (not saying you don't already know that).
For me it totally starts with self-care. So I can tell when I'm slipping b/c I don't want to shower, or do the dishes, or make my bed. and then pretty soon i don't want to move when the alarm goes off (well that's true on good days too LOL but it's less of a choice when i'm depressed!). and then it snowballs. and sometimes I can stop it before it gets bad and get back on track, but sometimes if something is happening in my life (like for you with this surgery) i fall off the edge too fast and then i go through this struggle (like you are now) to re-stabilize.
I have found a few things help.
One, is that sometimes my depression happens because i get complacent, but sometimes it's a reaction to something i'm not feeling. with something like this surgery, i can only guess that you are being triggered. it's possible that you are feeling something or many feelings which are slipping under awareness and either causing or being covered up by the depression (for me it can go both ways). if i can get a bead on what those feelings are, experience them, talk with someone about them, frequently my depression will evaporate.
The other more concrete thing is to make very small positive changes to get back on track. Your posting on this board I view as one of those small positive changes. It's the beginning of being able to free yourself from that paralyzing grip of anti-will they sometimes call "loss of motivation"' but i think of as the gravitational pull of the black hole sucking me to the heart of it. one really important piece of that is really chunking things down. i focus my attention on very small steps, never the big picture. i stop myself from thinking about results. i think only of doing the very next "right thing" and concentrate on connecting doing that with feeling better. for me that might mean standing up. on one level i know standing up is the first step toward doing the dishes, but i don't focus on the whole task, i just focus on the very next step. i focus on washing one dish, not a whole sink full. i focus on brushing my teeth, not my whole bedtime routine. maybe that is smaller chunks than you need, or maybe they are not small enough. the problem with having a GREAT routine (like your exercising) is that when you fall off the horse, it feels REALLY HUGE and hard to restart. personally i cannot do that. i have to restart small. and if the momentum builds (as it often does) pretty soon i'm merrily on my way to doing much more than i had committed to myself to do, and either way, eventually my depression lifts.
i hope some part of this helps. if it does not, i hope knowing you are NOT alone and i truly believe that for someone with a history of depression, it is not at all unusual to react to major stressors by becoming somewhat or a lot depressed, just like someone with chronic anger will tend to get angry when they feel vulnerable. it's just one of the aspects of that problem that you learn to deal with over time. and some depression is normal. it's not all pathological. waiting for something really important to me, that i might not get - that's a pretty huge stressor. depression is a pretty normal response to long-term stress.
just my .02.
i had major depression for most of my life until i got in with some really great therapists in my 20's who helped address some of my underlying problems and gave me the support, direction, encouragement, and sometimes kicks in the ass i needed to make the very large behavioral changes necessary to get me un-depressed. and when i say major depression i mean catatonic, month in a locked ward at age 25, suicidal depression. i have a lot of personal experience with recovery from depression, some of which may be helpful to you, some of which may not even apply.
imo you have made some really important changes, and i'm focussed behaviorally so i'm going to focus on the behavioral side because the a/d are more or less a constant for your treatment and between you and your doctor as well. personally from my own experience meds or no meds, the behavioral component is critical (not saying you don't already know that).
For me it totally starts with self-care. So I can tell when I'm slipping b/c I don't want to shower, or do the dishes, or make my bed. and then pretty soon i don't want to move when the alarm goes off (well that's true on good days too LOL but it's less of a choice when i'm depressed!). and then it snowballs. and sometimes I can stop it before it gets bad and get back on track, but sometimes if something is happening in my life (like for you with this surgery) i fall off the edge too fast and then i go through this struggle (like you are now) to re-stabilize.
I have found a few things help.
One, is that sometimes my depression happens because i get complacent, but sometimes it's a reaction to something i'm not feeling. with something like this surgery, i can only guess that you are being triggered. it's possible that you are feeling something or many feelings which are slipping under awareness and either causing or being covered up by the depression (for me it can go both ways). if i can get a bead on what those feelings are, experience them, talk with someone about them, frequently my depression will evaporate.
The other more concrete thing is to make very small positive changes to get back on track. Your posting on this board I view as one of those small positive changes. It's the beginning of being able to free yourself from that paralyzing grip of anti-will they sometimes call "loss of motivation"' but i think of as the gravitational pull of the black hole sucking me to the heart of it. one really important piece of that is really chunking things down. i focus my attention on very small steps, never the big picture. i stop myself from thinking about results. i think only of doing the very next "right thing" and concentrate on connecting doing that with feeling better. for me that might mean standing up. on one level i know standing up is the first step toward doing the dishes, but i don't focus on the whole task, i just focus on the very next step. i focus on washing one dish, not a whole sink full. i focus on brushing my teeth, not my whole bedtime routine. maybe that is smaller chunks than you need, or maybe they are not small enough. the problem with having a GREAT routine (like your exercising) is that when you fall off the horse, it feels REALLY HUGE and hard to restart. personally i cannot do that. i have to restart small. and if the momentum builds (as it often does) pretty soon i'm merrily on my way to doing much more than i had committed to myself to do, and either way, eventually my depression lifts.
i hope some part of this helps. if it does not, i hope knowing you are NOT alone and i truly believe that for someone with a history of depression, it is not at all unusual to react to major stressors by becoming somewhat or a lot depressed, just like someone with chronic anger will tend to get angry when they feel vulnerable. it's just one of the aspects of that problem that you learn to deal with over time. and some depression is normal. it's not all pathological. waiting for something really important to me, that i might not get - that's a pretty huge stressor. depression is a pretty normal response to long-term stress.
just my .02.
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