~SPIRITUAL NOT RELIGIOUS~ A DAY AT A TIME.. AND SURGIVERSARY!!

05/05 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
I knew I had to have a new beginning, and the beginning had to be here.  I couldn't start anywhere else.  I had to let go of the past and forget the future.  As long as I held on to the past with one hand and grabbed at the future with the other hand, I had nothing with which to grasp today.  So I had to begin here, now.  DO I PRACTICE THE ELEVENTH STEP, PRAYING ONLY FOR KNOWLEDGE OF GOD'S WILL FOR ME, AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT?

TODAY I PRAY
May I not worry about verbalizing my wants and needs in my prayers to a Higher Power.  May I not fret over the language of my prayers, for God needs no language, and communication with Him is beyond speech.  May the Eleventh Step guide me in my prayers at all times.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
God's will be done.



Today.. is my 5 year anniversary for my Lap RNY. 

I started the journey officially weighing in at 268lbs.. altho I'm sure I've seen higher. 

The first year the weight dropped off as it does for most.  As I saw and felt like a new young and skinny person.. I began partying and celebrating my new found weight with "friends" over alcohol.  Mind you... I had celebrated many occasions with alcohol before.. but now.. it didn't take much to get me drunk (the first drink would warm my innards all the way down to my toes).. and when *I'm* drunk.. I have no sense to stop until my body passes out.   Which usually was 4 hours after I began my drinking.

Well.. after suffering thru a dui.. I then learned to celebrate my new found skinniness without "friends" at the bar and started celebrating at home.  Ooooh how fun that was  I mean.. everyone wants to sit home alone and drunk and post online because now all my new "friends" live in my computer.

Well.. after getting into a relationship with someone who admitted to his sickness as well, I realized that being an alcoholic was not what it was cracked up to be..  it was no longer fun.  It was so draining.. and down right ugly.  My body couldn't handle it much more.  I hated the thoughts of insecurities..  and blackouts.  I hated the shakes the next day and overall body weakness. 

I was blessed in my journey that my SO at that time, went inpt to rehab and to help him.. I found it within myself to help myself.  

I have been sober now for 30 months (11-2006) and I'm also that long in being cigg smokefree! 

I have found serenity and happiness within me the majority of my days.  I no longer have a sense of dooming insecurity.   With the help of the book A DAY AT A TIME.. I was able to work thru feelings of anxiety and nervousness.  I've learned even that it's exciting to feel nervous when meeting a date for the first time.. *it's even normal*.  No longer do I need to self medicate to work thru normal feelings.   I'm astounded by how much money one can now save (with not drinking.. smoking.. and eating *lol*) .. and I was able to get plastic surgery (with a little help from parents) and I also just recently had my entire condo painted. 

Within my 5 years of weighloss surgery I had reached a low of 146 at the peak of my *wls honeymoon* and gained up to 186 right before my plastics that I had on 01-05-09. 

Today I got on the scale and my weight is 168.1  I'm soo happy that I can say I'm 100lbs down from where I started.  I would like.. I mean I will lose another 18lbs.. but I'm in no great hurry to lose that weight either.  I'm now ready to just take it.. along with all aspects of my life..

A DAY AT A TIME..  and I give all thanks to my Higher Power (God) and his will for me!!