ate myself sick last night

today I am grateful I am no longer even mildly queasy (let alone dry heaving over the sink) and I am asking myself why - trying not to call myself names or feel ashamed of doing it.

why?
1. pushing the limits - let's see just how much I can eat. (was taken by surprise by the violent lactose intolerance I now apparently have)

2. it's Friday night - and my work week was stressful.

3. I get lonely on the weekends and here comes a weekend.

irrational thoughts behind these reasons

1. I want to eat AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE so I have to find out how much that is.

2. overeating helps somehow with stress

3. if I face my loneliness...well, I guess my head will explode or something.

what to do about it?

1. I have no idea. I've been eating as much as I can for too long.   any advice out there?

how do you eat as much as you need, rather as much as you are able? how do you start?
(note to self: don't go to any buffets for awhile)

2. plan some healthy way to deal with stress on Friday night or, better, daily so it doesn't build up. don't be keeping ice cream in the house anymore. plan ahead!

3. need more people in my life. need to realize loneliness is just a feeling and suppressing it isn't helpful.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  I cant imagine what you are going through right now.   I hope you can find help so that you can deal with this disorder.  Dont try to go it alone. (((HUGGS)))

Thanks, Emily, it's all good. I sure would like to learn how to not do it, however.

hugs back at ya!

Jackie

I am no shrink but after rereading your post it sounds as though you do this so that you can deal with a problem you are familar with (binge eating) so that you dont have the time to think about the other problems that feel too big for you, ie the lonliness?  Maybe more than help for the eating you need to get counceling for the other areas in your life that seem out of controll for you.  I see by your name that you have several kids the same age.  Are you overwhelmed with what that brings maybe?  I ahve 2 kids and take care of 2 neices and at times I can feel like everything is out of controll.  The only way I am able to stay in somewhat of controll of things is that the kids have 7pm bedtimes.  They get to watch TV for 30 mins but that is it.  thjis gives me about 3 hours of quiet at night so that I can calm down and feel like life is not totally out of controll.  if I am totally off base ignore me please.  I just feel for you and hope that you can figure out what it is you need to get your life and eating where it should be.  You have come so far in your weight lossand you deserve to be happy.

you are absolutely correct!  maybe you should be a shrink. I'll bet you are an excellent Mom.


I prefer to distract myself with binge eating as at least it is familiar. what happened that night was I got really sick because of lactose intolerance and was expecting the familiar pain of too much food and got the vomiting, gas and other fun instead. whoops. but it does serve as a wake-up call so I'm thinking of it as useful that way.

I didn't have kids (and now am too old) the Mom is just to my pets, currently 3 dogs and 2 birds.

I have some specific ideas to de-stress and I think that will help a lot. also am re-reading all of Geneen Roth's books and they are perfect for emotional eating. I have gotten so I am aware of what I've done and why just not soon enough - in other words I can't (always) catch it as it is happening or before which is the goal. but I'm working on it.

thanks for your post, you are right on target.

how's it going with your DH?  post about it if you feel like it. pm, if you prefer.

Jackie

LOL Not a Shrink just someone who likes to listen to what people are saying.  You wll overcome this, I know you can.  The fact that you are talking about it to other people means you reconize the problem and they always say that is the hardest step.

As for my DH I am making him go get his blood checked and looking for a shrink for him (I am useing his low sex drive since the med change as the excuse men are more open to help in that dept, or at least he is)  I will let you know what happens once something actually does :)

multiplepetmom,

 

1. Maybe a good idea would be to have a cup that will only hold 4-8 oz or use a small plate and weigh everything so you are limiting yourself to the 2-4 oz of meat. As you have found out, if you eat more that what you should be, you will feel ill.
2. I used to be a stress eater myself. My friend got me into crocheting and if I feel stressed or hungry I simply do that and drink water instead. You need to find something to do with your hands. I do it while sitting in front of the TV.
3. Sometimes when I do not have any plans on the weekends I too get lonely. I try to go outside for a walk, sometimes I just go for drives. I go to the park with a book or do some gardening. And sometime I just want to veg out in front of the TV so I do. If I get hungry I first drink some water or a protein shake instead or I make a smoothie.

We all go through this. Good Luck.

thanks for your thoughts hpaige - sounds like you have some good strategies.

do you live alone? because you talked about  loneliness on weekends, I mean. it's funny: I love weekends in a way - not having to go to work!  all that time you can use how you like!  but it's like I have too high expectations and the reality is kind of a let down or something.

planning things helps.

Jackie

Thanks, Trish, I actually have some-what of the same list!

the thing is catching myself quickly enough to do one of them before I start binging.

I did start therapy pre-op but it is very costly and no insurance. (pretty much spent all my money on surgery) but I'll go back to it if I feel I'm not making progress by myself.

it's nice to hear from people who have similar issues.

 

Jackie

edited to say, what the hec****ep replying to Trish and it end up above her post.

*shrug*