how to permanently cure oneself of ever drinking too much again

the good news: chances are i'm not a life-long alocoholic--for over a month i have not had a craving to drink too much and, other than some light and enjoyable social drinking (a glass of wine at a bar with my boyfriend kind of thing), i've stayed away from alcohol. another bit of good news: i'm pretty sure i will never binge drink again.

now the bad news: how i was 'cured" is nothing to be proud of--it;s just that i learned my lesson the unbeleievably embarassing and physically painfull way about month ago. i know upon reading this you guys will think the worst of me ****rtainly feel like an idiot) but i feel have to own up to what happened (or, rather, what i did to myself.).

about a months ago (ironically, on a Valentine's day weekend), i was happily celebrating with my boyfriend by having dinner at a wonderful accompanied by impessive (but by not means outrageous) amount of chmpagne. for some reason not only did i not stop on time but, when we got home, proceeded to drink a couple  (o.k. maybe 3 or 4 ) bottles of champagne he had in his house that night untill i passed out but, not to be deterred, i resumed drinking the chmpange the next morning (in fact, as soon as i woke up.) to make this sory even more unbelieable, after i ran out of all the champagne my boyfriend had in the house (about 6 bottles--and no, he doesn't have a drinking problem, so much champagne was there because a while back he was in NJ for work and stopped by one of those giant discount liquor warehouses (with don't have those in PA) on his was back and decided to take advantage of the great deals and volume discounts by picking quite a few things, like his favorite brand premium beer, some good wine and a case of  champagne brand i really liked. again, that was all great since the idea was for this collection to last for months and to be enjoyed in moderation, brought to dinner/pary invitations, shared with friendsetc. That was exactly how it was used until i managed to drink all that remaining chanpagne in a course of 24 hours.

to continue the unbelievable saga, after i finished all of it and there was no more alcohol in the house, i was still unbelievably thirsty. i asked my b/f to drive me to the store and picked up 2 cases of beer (i guess i was craving variety.) that was on saturday and i don't remember much until monday afternoon when i woke up, went to get another beer and discovered the supply was gone--my b/f literary cut me off. apparently i literally lost 2 days of my life--according to my boyfriend for 2 days i alternated between being passed out, waking up only yo drink some more--for 2 WHOLE DAYS. i don't remember much of it--i guess they call it a blackout.

and that was nothing compared compared to what followed that evening and over the next week--i literary thought i was going to die--i never flet worse in my life--i'm not talking about a hangover,i'm talking about shaking uncontrollable for days, extreme hot and cold flashes, heart palplatations, bordeline hallucinations and, worst of all extreme fear and anxiety. my boyfriend looked it up on line and, apparently, those were classic symptoms of alcohol withdrawal that can happen after an extreme binge drinking episode. he offered to take me to my doctor or even the e.r but i literary didn;t have the strength to move and get dressed. To make matters worse, when he called my doctor for me, the doctor's advice was to drink a lot of fluids, etc., and to take a large doze of klonopin (a benzo) to relieve the accute physical/anxiety symptoms. I am on klonopin anyway for an anxiety disorder but somewhere in my drunken stupor that weekend lost my bottle and had no access to the medication. I knew i couldn't tell my doctor since claiming to lose a potentially addictive medication is a classic sign of prescription drug abuse and he would not replenish my supply and probably not proscribe it to me in the future as well. ironically, the part about losing the med. was true and i don't abuse my medications but i knew there was no way that would be believed in light of my drinking rampage.

anyway, i had the worst week of my life and will stop boring you with anymore gory details. i've felt worse physically or mentally (suffice it to say RNY has nothing on alcohol withdrawal).

the worst part is that i did it to myself for absolutely no reason and deserved all the pain and embarassment 10 times over.  i never have done or experienced anything like that before and never will again.

if anything good came out of it, is that it scared me off binge-drinking for life--i simply could never endure the physical pain of those so-called withdrawal symptoms, the embarassment and all the rest of it ever again. it's not willpower, it's just self-preservation.

anyway, just had to tell you guys. did anything like that (the extreme drinking episode and the accute withdrawal )ever happen to any of you? or am i really the worst and the stupidest person in the universe?
 

 

I don't think the worst of you.  You went on a binge.  Now get over it.  You got it out of your system.  Get to an AA meeting.  Get some help.  You are an alcoholic.  There, I said it.  How does that make you feel?  I am not trying to be mean or hurtful, but it is the truth.  In all honesty, you cannot have another drink, ever, even in social settings.  Just be done with it.  You don't need it.  I've been there.  I am 9 months sober yesterday.  I know its a short time, but I work my program really hard and I want this badly.  My drinking career was short (about 18 months) (transfer addiction) so recovery has been relatively smooth.  Please get some help.  I am here if you ever want to chat  - PM me.  Kathy

I say go a good two month with even a social drink and see how you r.  if can not go without even having a social coctail, there is a severe problem there and that needs to be addressed.

I hope for your sake you are right - that it has cured you. I can tell you that I did what you did many, many times. Clearly - it was not a cure for me.
I have detoxed more times than I care to admit - sometimes at home and sometimes in the hospital. I finally came to realize that I can not drink. I am an alcoholic and alcohol can not be part of my life.
That said - take hear - you are NOT the worst or stupidest person in the world. Many an alcoholic has done the same thing and done it many times.
Anne

Your episode sounds just like my drinking career.  A drink here and there, now and then, just to "prove I am not an alcoholic" then an all out weekend binge.  I am an alcoholic and I drank just like you, over and over again.  I swore, just like you say, that I would never do anything so stupid again, just like you swear.  The physical pain of withdrawal, and the emotional pain of the shame, guilt and remorse, were too much, or so I thought.  

Fact is, I was full of bull**** because I did drink, over and over again, just like you describe.  I am now 68 days without ONE DRINK AT ALL, and I cannot say that I am never going to drink again.  I don't dare say that, because I cannot guarantee it.  Being an alcoholic, I know that I am not cured.  There is no cure for alcoholism.  

That is why I attend my AA meetings regularly, and also participate in my Intensive Outpatient Program, three nights a week.  

I recommend you get to some AA meetings.  Stop making excuses for not attending them, and get to one.  Take Septa and get your butt to a meeting and learn about the disease of alcoholism and the 12 Steps of recovery.  Also, look into participating in an outpatient treatment program, either at Livengrin, or Malvern.  The Malvern program is in Trevose, on Street Road, not far from Neshaminy Mall. Your life depends on it. 

Trish

I forgot to mention when I posted before...you really should not detox from alcohol without medical supervision, as it could kill you.  I am not kidding, or trying to shock you.  My treatment therapist even mentioned it last week because a woman in my group got violently ill, and I have heard it many times before from medical professionals.  You are very fortunate that you are alive today.  I really believe you should get to AA, and start working the 12 Steps so that you do not have another episode like you described before. 

God bless.

Trish

Dear Trish,

Thank you for reading my long and rambling post and replying. Yes, I am fortunate to be alive today and know you can theoretically die from detox without medical supervision (my boyfriend actually looked all that stuff on line when i strated detoxing because i was so obviosuly physically ill.) the funny thing, it was just from those 2 days of binge drinking--i have drank in the past , sometimes (never ever even remotely like that though), never has blackouts/withdrawal before and, ironically, prior to that i'm pretty sure i haven't had a drink in about week. I did consider going to the ER or something because i literary left like i was about to die and was at a point where i was allmost past the embarassment factor. however, after the first night and after my bf called his doctor the next day to ask about what needs to be done, he was pretty much told that by then i was probably out of mortal danger and, frankly i felt too sick to even get out of bed take a shower, wash my hair, get myself dressed---basically make myself presentable enough to go out in oublic (even to the er).

like i said, i felt like sh't for a week--haven't even left my bf's place (he's an angel or just plain insane for staying with me after this little episode, btw.)

it's been maybe around 5 weeks since it happened and i haven't done anything like that since (thank god). for a week or so, just the mere thought of alcohol was repulsive. i have been drinking occasionally since--but at a "socially" acceptable level with no side effects. also i neer did or would drink and drive--i may be self -destructive but i don't want risk hurting some innocent driver.

maybe i should try an AA meeting afer all, and, no i do not have to take SEPTA or anything, i did get a car a few months ago, thank god:) but, from what i understand about AA meetings, you have to admit you are an alcoholic and that you have no control over alcohol and also it involves believing in/relying on some higher power and you have to genuinly want to never have another drink ever again. all of those things may be true but i don't like to lie. and i maybe the stupidest person alive or completely in denial but deep down inside i am not quite sure i am an alcoholic and also i do feel that i have ultimate power over alcohol (especially now after i found out the hard way what alcohol withdrawal feels like). also, i'm not religious, i'm an agnostic jew so claiming to rely on a hire power, which i'm not 100% sure exists would not be very honest. last, i'm not even sure that compete abstinence of alcohol is my goal--i'm totally cool with enjoying a glass of wine. my goal is just to not be a problem drinker or let it affect my health ever again. it;s like my food addiction--i did learn to control it (even though it took getting my tummy stapled and insides re-routed), but now i can enjoy food in moderation without it ever becoming a problem.

so i'm not sure a person like me would be welcomed there unless i admitted to something i do not quite believe--and i have too much respect for people who attend AA to come there and bullsh't.

i might be wrong about those things--pls. correct me if i am.

You are very blessed in your being able to stop drinking and detox safely. 

As for AA, I am afraid you are misinformed about some stuff in AA.  The only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to stop drinking.  PERIOD.  They don't make you say you are an alcoholic.  I choose to say it because I am one. 

As for the 1st step, if you honestly look at that last drunken episode, were you able to stop yourself from getting that plastered that weekend?  Also, the first step says, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable."  If you could have stopped yourself from getting that plastered, why didn't you?  Also, when you got drunk, didn't bad things happen?  You blacked out.  You passed out.  If your two day binge is not a sign of powerlessness to you, then you might need to re-examine that two day binge honestly.

The God stuff in AA is about spirituality.  You don't have to buy into it right away.  It is the belief that there is a Higher Power in the world, and that many of us have found strength in that Higher Power, and the ability to only stay sober because of that Higher Power.  I can't do it alone.

The 1st three steps for me are very simple.

I can't stop drinking.
God can help me stop.
I think I will let God.

BUT, the only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to stop drinking.  You don't have to do anything to attend a meeting and learn how the program works.  The 12 steps are suggestions that have worked for millions of people, and many of them have been able to stop drinking for years at at time. 

If your way works, great.  BUT, I tried it your way, and ended up demoralized with my last relapse.

Good luck.

Trish

P.S.  I almost forgot...Food addiction is totally different than alcoholism.  We need food to live.  We MUST learn to eat in moderation, and that WLS has enabled us to do that.  Alcohol is NOT NECESSARY to live.  An alcoholic cannot drink in moderation successfully for long.

Food and alcohol are two totally different things in the brain as well.  An alcoholic's brain chemistry is one that feeds on the alcohol and wants more and more.  The food did that to some extent, but not what the alcohol did.

Good luck.

Trish

Trish,

I know you live in Langhorne.  I live in Yardley but spend a lot of time with my bf who like you lives in Langhorne. I'm very tempred to check out the AA thing just because exchanging posts with people like you (well educated, extremely insighful and intelligent) kind of made me re-think the stupid stereotype i had about the types of people who strugglle with alcohol--i had this screwed up idea that i was the only person with a "dirty little secret" (or more than a few dirty little secrets, im being honest.)

if you are comfortable with it, would you mind me checking out of of the AA meetings you attend. my schedule is relatively  flexible until early april, when i start a new job. i know you and i neer met in person but we spoke on the phone and communicated on line and i'd feel more comfortable trying one of those AA things if there was someone there i felt i kind of knew. also, i'd love to meet you in person anyway. if (and only if) you are comfortable with it, pls. let me know if you'd be o.k. with it and where and when the meetings you go to take place. you can reply on this board, PM me, call my cell (832) 453-5617 or e-mail me at [email protected]., whichever is more convenient.

thanks, nat