Early Sobriety and the Emotional Rollercoaster
The past 24 hours have been the emotional rollercoaster I so did not miss during my 6 years of sobriety. Life was not a bed of roses then, but I was a whole heck of a lot more stable than now.
I started my new Intensive Outpatient Program last night. Wow, was it so good. There were women alcoholics around my age, and the therapist is wonderful.
Today, I went to bankruptcy court, and had all that stress. To add to it, I needed my 2008 tax return, which I filed last week, but did not print, because I could not afford the ink. Then, I had to call the IRS to find out if I am getting my refund, or if it was being applied to my 2007 returns taxes I owed, which I claimed in my bankruptcy. Then, I needed to pay my cable/phone/internet bill, because they shut me off today. Funny, the cable company expects me to pay my bills on time. Duh! I had to pay the bill, so I could fax my return, so I had to buy the ink to print the return, yada yada.
So, I thought I would haul hiney to an AA meeting, and check out a new clubhouse, as I had encouraged a member of my group to attend and I would meet her there. She had never been to an AA meeting before. Well, the speaker went really long, people in the back were restless and talking to each other, phones were ringing, even though we were told to silence them. Argh! The good news is, I got my 30 day chip. I also got something out of the message.
So, I just needed to vent/share/lose my sanity.
Hugs,
Trish
I started my new Intensive Outpatient Program last night. Wow, was it so good. There were women alcoholics around my age, and the therapist is wonderful.
Today, I went to bankruptcy court, and had all that stress. To add to it, I needed my 2008 tax return, which I filed last week, but did not print, because I could not afford the ink. Then, I had to call the IRS to find out if I am getting my refund, or if it was being applied to my 2007 returns taxes I owed, which I claimed in my bankruptcy. Then, I needed to pay my cable/phone/internet bill, because they shut me off today. Funny, the cable company expects me to pay my bills on time. Duh! I had to pay the bill, so I could fax my return, so I had to buy the ink to print the return, yada yada.
So, I thought I would haul hiney to an AA meeting, and check out a new clubhouse, as I had encouraged a member of my group to attend and I would meet her there. She had never been to an AA meeting before. Well, the speaker went really long, people in the back were restless and talking to each other, phones were ringing, even though we were told to silence them. Argh! The good news is, I got my 30 day chip. I also got something out of the message.
So, I just needed to vent/share/lose my sanity.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Well, it got worse last night. My sister-in-law made some negative comments about my participation in treatment and AA meetings and how it was keeping me from my friends at church and elsewhere. She sounded angry because she had never seen me drink, or drunk. I was devastated, because I thought she was my best friend. She also said that she did not understand why I could not just be really involved in church and not drink that way.
I was so upset last night, I cried and called my therapist and wanted to drink in the worst way.
Today she apologized for being grumpy, and I apologized for something I said that was insensitive, prior to her blasting me. I did tell her I was upset by her comments, and that I understood how she might think I don't need treatment, but my therapist and best friend in Florida saw and read, and heard me when I was out of control and at my worst.
I feel like I have lost my best friend now.
Tonight I had group, and it was terrific.
Hugs,
Trish
I was so upset last night, I cried and called my therapist and wanted to drink in the worst way.
Today she apologized for being grumpy, and I apologized for something I said that was insensitive, prior to her blasting me. I did tell her I was upset by her comments, and that I understood how she might think I don't need treatment, but my therapist and best friend in Florida saw and read, and heard me when I was out of control and at my worst.
I feel like I have lost my best friend now.
Tonight I had group, and it was terrific.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
When I decided to stop drinking, I pulled back from socializing for TWO YEARS. I knew if I went to weddings, parties, funerals, dinner invitations, I'd be exposed to alcohol and couldnt' risk it. My sobriety was THE most important thing to me to keep myself together. Those who didn't understand still don't get it, and I still don't care. It's hard to explain to others who aren't pummeled by the vortex an addiction can be what it takes to break the cycle. What it takes is different for all of us. I really wish I'd had the guts to go to meetings and get a sponsor. I applaud your strength, chickie. I'm glad you're getting so much out of group too! I'm sure some day soon you and your SIL can talk more about what hurt you both here.
BIG hugs,
Marie
BIG hugs,
Marie
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