depressed now :(

 so i have not left my house since thursday. I have literally been on my couch for 3 days straight. only getting up to go to the kitchen or to the bathroom. I really think this is a new low for me. I dont want to think i am depressed but theres no other way to describe how i feel. Plus knowing that i have to wait at LEAST another 18 months before i can be even considered for surgery, really bums me out. PLus my mother keeps saying when are you gonna start getting in shape for the wedding! (I am a bridesmaid in my dad's wedding in march) I look like a 400lb sack of potatoes in my dress and it gives me anxiety everyday. I want to get on the treadmill and eat right but i have zero motivation to do so. I guess it's because im so lonely.  I guess i would like some ideas of how to motivate my self and get out of this funk i'm in!

I know it's tough, Olivia. I'm in the same kind of non-motivational episode. I *used* to be a gym rat, but now I don't seem to want to move much. Well that's not true for either of us. We WANT to get up and get moving and walk or lift weights or whatever, but we feel trapped almost. I thnk if we just DID IT...just force yourself to walk even 30 minutes to start, it'll be enough to get things moving for us. It's never easy to pull yourself out of a rut, but sometimes it's necessary.

Marie

If you are not in therapy, I highly suggest it.  You may need a psych eval for meds, if that is not already done. 

As for getting moving, take baby steps and reward yourself in healthy ways.  Set goals for the treadmill, like 10 minutes in the morning, and 10 in the evening for a few days.  After you do your 10 minutes, take a bubble bath and luxuriate in that.  Make a list of things you can do to pamper yourself, and do one after you do the treadmill.  Buy yourself some scented lotions at Bath and Body Works and use them.  Listen to soothing music, like Vivaldi's Four Seasons, or Pachelbel's Canon.  Buy yourself some DVDs on sale, and watch them.  Comedy is what I recommend, like "There's Something About Mary."

Therapy and meds are what helps me get to where I am motivated to work on myself.  Then, I do the pampering to maintain my stability.

Hugs,
Trish

I just ran across this article I think NO COINCIDENCE!!!!!!!


What Moves You? Discover the Inspiration to Change
By Michelle May, M.D.http://bsciresourcecenter.com/proddetail.php?prod=FAWhatMoves

Have you ever felt motivated to exercise, eat better, lose weight or make other positive changes on New Years day, only to feel your enthusiasm slip away as time passes or the going gets tough? Although motivation seems elusive at times, when you understand how to tap into your sources of inspiration, you'll feel more in charge of your attitude and know what to do to maintain and restore your drive and motivation.

Peel Away the Layers

First, clearly identify your personal reasons for making a change. It's important to peel away the layers to make sure you get to the heart of your motivation. Some sources of motivation are internal: thoughts and feelings like fear or longing. Others are external: events, people, situations or rewards that inspire you. Both internal and external motivators can fuel the process of change, especially when you tap into those that create strong emotion for you.
These powerful motivators will keep you moving in the right direction.

Candace was surprised to discover that what she really wanted was more significant than she initially thought:

I stopped setting New Years Resolutions several years ago.
Before that it was the same thing every year: 1. Lose Weight. 2. Exercise. Who wants to keep failing year after year? However, as I "mature" I realize that "losing weight and exercising" isn't really what matters to me so that's why my resolutions just left me feeling deprived and guilty. What I really want is to experience more enjoyment in my life and to feel more vibrant and healthy. This year I've decided to set two resolutions that inspire me:

1. Practice mindful eating during at least one (if not all) of my meals each day.
2. Find opportunities to move more every day.

Here are ten more tried and true tips that can help you make a change successfully.

MOTIVATON TOP 10

1. Why Now? In order to identify your own powerful motivators, take out a piece of paper and answer these two
questions:

* Why is it important to me to make a change (for example, stop yoyo dieting)?
* Why do I want to make this change now, at this point in my life?

Now, think about what you've written and challenge yourself to dig deeper to uncover even more meaningful answers. Ask yourself the two questions again: So why is that important to me? And why now? You may need to ask the "why" questions a few times to peel back the layers and get to the personal inspiration that's the fuel for meaningful change. You'll know you've hit on something important when you experience a strong emotion.

2. Set Goals. You wouldn't start out on a trip without knowing where you're going, would you? Visualizing your endpoint will help you determine the path for getting there so your brain has a detailed map to follow. See http://amihungry.com/pdf/newsletter-12-07.pdf to learn how to set Meaningful Magnetic New Years Resolutions.

3. Start Small. One of your greatest sources of motivation is seeing progress. If you're having a hard time getting started, ask yourself, "What is the smallest goal I could set that I'd be likely to achieve?" and start there. Keep in mind that your goal isn't perfection, it's direction.

4. Be Consistent. Consistency is one of the keys to creating a habit. For example, if your goal is to walk five days a week or to start meditating daily, write it down on your calendar or on your "to do" list then treat it like any other important commitment.

5. Be Flexible. Too often, people wait for the perfect time to make a change, like getting more exercise. It's unlikely the perfect time will ever come--and it won't last anyway--so make fitness fit into your life just the way it is today.
When life gets in the way (and it will), adjust your routine so you can still fit it in.

6. Use Reminders. Your motivation can fade simply because you've lost touch with what inspired you in the first place. Create reminders to keep your source of inspiration top of mind. Some examples: If you're motivated to eat healthier because you want to inspire your children, have them draw a picture of all of you at the dinner table or cooking together. If your goal is to be more active, set an alarm on your computer that reminds you to get up and walk around the office once every hour. If you want to eat more mindfully, wear an Am I Hungry? bracelet (see below) or download a sign from http://www.amihungry.com/pdf/am-i-hungry...if-not-sign.pdf
to put on your refrigerator that says:

Am I hungry?
If not, then what I need ISN'T IN HERE!

7. Anticipate Challenges. Set yourself up for success by thinking through possible challenges and come up with coping strategies ahead of time. When you make a mistake or get off track, consider it a learning opportunity. Use the feedback to create a plan for what you'll do differently when that challenge comes up again. For example, if you find you can't get yourself to the gym after you get home at night, take your exercise clothes to work with you.

8. Team Up. When you're feeling low in motivation, you can borrow some from others around you. Find an accountability partner, exercise buddy, coach, personal trainer or support group. (I'd love to be part of your team to get your New Year off to a great start. See my 10th Anniversary Bonus
below!)

9. Be Patient. One of the things I hear most frequently from people I work with is that although it takes time, they eventually reach a point where eating mindfully or being more active becomes natural. You may not feel that way initially so you'll have to operate on faith that that it will get easier (unless you quit).

10. Reward Yourself. Since it takes time to see results, come up with both small and large incentives to motivate yourself to reach your short and long term goals. For example, you could give yourself points for the minutes you spend exercising then trade them in for the time to do other things you enjoy too. And be sure to celebrate your success as you achieve the goals you've set.

Of course the greatest inspiration is seeing the fruits of your labor - and the greatest reward is in knowing that you've done your best.

Eat Mindfully. Live Vibrantly!
Michelle May, M.D.

Michelle May, M.D. is a recovered yoyo dieter and author of Am I Hungry? What to Do When Diets Don't Work. To help you achieve your goals, download a complimentary poster for your refrigerator: 101 Things to Do Besides Eat from http://amihungry.com/enews.shtml

I will share with you my current strength, hope and support and let you know this is a great opportunity for you preop to work on this as postop it does not get ANY easier! 6 yrs out stress happens and life is hard and food is easy (As Linda Spangels great book is titled!)....We only have this moment the past is gone and the future is yet to come, we can either live or not the choice is ours..............I do not htink this is all a out motivation it is more about our inner struggles, our self esteem (or lack of), and our self sabotaging behaviors at times, inner child work and therapy has been most helpful to me...this is from my OH BLOG 1/18.... http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
======================
1/18/2009 Getting current....I have had a lifelong struggle with obesity and in 2002at the age of 29/30 I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Surgery was about being healthy not my weight and not my body image (although they were affected they were not my goals) I had been a successful dieting failure, loosing 70-100lbs more than 3 times in the 10 years prior to surgery; being overweight since I was 8 yrs old. Gastric bypass was successful; I lost 100% of my excess weight in 7 months (BMI 47->24.9) mainly due to a combination of my age, starting BMI, preop education, LUCK & my personality lending me to be the 'perfect patient' (little did I realize this is not a positive thing!). I feel it was also being very active in the bariatric community online and in person support groups I attended or facilitated that helped me reach and stay at goal for so long and not stray too far! I reflect now and am aware of switching addictions after surgery from food to exercise. I had developed an exercise addiction, being obsessed with daily exercise for 4 years, having to do at least 10 hours a week in the gym if not more, 6 hours of that cardio and no days off, I thought about it all the time and planned my life around it (instead of food!). I burned out!!!!!!!!! Fear, sadness, shame, guilt, anger and loneliness were the emotions I was trying to avoid with food or exercise. I kept the weight off until 2+ yrs ago when my emotional eating returned. I had allowed the stressors in my life at that time to guide me in a negative direction and I stopped making healthy choices in living and coping. My new lifestyle and coping didn't hold up and I have episodically reverted to more familiar ways (eating when not physically hungry, eating more carbs, isolating, sleeping, avoidance). In the Fall of 2006 I did a year worth of personal growth and worked on my shame, codependency, perfectionism, anger, sadness and fear that permeated/effected my life and relationships. I gained many tools to cope (Meditation, positive affirmations, chanting, being present, much of Geneen Roth's work helped also, letting go/surrendering, connection with my spirituality, CODA meetings, setting boundaries that were healthy, journaling). All along my weight was never the focus, merely a symptom of my emotional mismanagement. Over time again I have allowed life to erode many of these new found coping skills, and the choices I have made are not the ones to put me in balance or to be centered, present or healthy. I have become more aware of this over the past 3 months and am ready to address these things below. I take full accountability and responsibility for my actions and choices. Up until a few weeks ago I was (NOT) coping with life's stressors by: 1) Avoidance and numbing with food (more carbs which drives more physical hunger on top of the emotional hunger). 2) Isolating from previous level of activities and socialization. (friends/family/church/exercise/CODA meetings/shopping). 3) Working long hours and on off tours via remote access at home intruding on home; attempting to avoid and be perfect. 4) Procrastination at home and work. 5) Increased sedentary activity such as sleeping in or going to bed early, watching much more than usual movies/TV, naps on weekends. 6) NO EXERCISE in MONTHS!. MY GOAL has always been so I am refocusing on this: "I want to more balance in my life by being more physically and emotionally present and healthy" Steps I have taken in past few weeks to rediscover my path:


Started gradually exercising to find that balance between all or nothing..so far 30 min 3x week is the balance! Slow and steady! SUPERWOMAN does not work anymore!
Started daily journaling of my thoughts, feelings and sometimes food.
Started a food discovery log (identifying my physical, emotional aspects of hunger and eating etc.)
Started daily affirmations reading and listening.
Started daily listening to transforming eating obsessions CD (self hypnosis/guided imagery)
Meditating daily.
Practicing my deep breathing daily to deal with stress.
Returned to CODA meetings
Broke out of my isolation with friends and family.
Stopped over sleeping/napping to avoid.
Returned slowly to online support groups.
Returned to more personal growth work individually.
MAKING ME A PRIORITY! SPEAKING MY TRUTH AND LIVING IN THE ONLY PLACE I CAN NOW!
I always find honesty with self, accountability to self, sharing and in community I can not only survive but I can and do thrive! I am here! OPEN, HONEST AND CURRENT! TODAY there is no place for self-criticism or judgment; today I am practicing JUST NOTICING! ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME? I would not be who I am today without my challenges, I am accepting them, embracing them and learning from them! GRATITUDE WORKS! I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for all of you! BEING ALIVE, really ALIVE and present today is MARVELOUS! I am posting as widely as possible to share!