New to Board

Hi everyone, I'm so glad that I found you all and this board.  I'm five years out on my surgery, and I've developed an addiction to pain pills and have become more depressed than I was when I weighed 280 lbs.

Anyway I'm currenly on Suboxone for  detox to pain pills and I'm in a 12 step program, I'm married and have 2 children.  I got into trouble for forging prescriptin to get more medicine and I'm on probation for 1 year and have to do community service.

Well the worst part is that I still didn't stop, I kept on doing my pain pills and then I lyed on my community serice hrs and guess what I have to go back to court for  probation violation.  Well after this happened I finally admitted to my husband that I'm addicted.

When I got caught the first time my family just wanted to sweep everything under the rug like nothing ever  happened, well I did to and kept on using I just knew that I couldn't forge a script.

I feel so ashamed and wonder how I ever got like this and how did this happen to me, I'm lucky that I didn't lose my husband and I pray that I don't have to do jail time for prob. violation.

If this can help anyone out there thats addicted I hope it will, its a scary thing when you get so out of control that you do things that can get you in jail. 

I come to this board for support and hopefully offer support.  Thanks for listening.

Love and hugs,
Mitz

Don't blame your family for the first time their wanting to sweep everything under the rug. Our family loves us and denial is a coping mechanism for them. You have to be the one to confront your addiction and stand in their faces and tell them you ARE an addict and you need help and their support while you get help.
As for the probation violation - you need to be doing the things you should be doing anyway. BUT without the court ordering it. Go to a 12 step meeting as often as possible -if you can do a 90 in 90 day routine, if you have insurance - get into therapy. Start doing real community service hours.

Back in the early 1990's I was addicted to cocaine and ended up getting convicted of possession. I got violated too and had to do 30 days in jail - while I was able to do it on weekend committments - it totally made me realize that I could not do illegal drugs. (Of course, I then started drinking instead....)

Good luck - you have support here.
Anne

Anne,

You are so right and thanks for the advice...  The lady that was over my CS was so intimidating, but I should have been honest and told her.  She wanted to me to get the 100 hrs done in 4 mos that is with me working full time also.  I just couldn't handle it, but i should have told my PO what was going on, but due to being under the influence of the pills I made the wrong decision.

I pray if I have jail time that I can do it on weekends also.  I mean to lose my job,etc...  I pray and Pray for God to help and I pray for my PO, the judge etc...

That's what my counselor told me that basically we swap one addiction for another, if I stopped cold turkey on the pills I would have turned to the alchol also.

Thanks for the support.

Hugs,
Mitzi

Mitzi:
I thought about you last night and one other thing I wanted to suggest was if you can do your CSR at some type of non-profit that interests you. I spent over 10 years working w/ at risk youth - many who were on probation and had to do CSR. They would complain about it all the time - UNLESS they found somewhere to do it that was a service they could relate to and enjoy.
And - when you go to court - ask the judge to set a number of hours per month to be done that are realistic with your full time work and family. Generally, in Texas - it is like 16 hours a month - which amounts to two Saturday's a month!
Hang in there.
Anne

Hi Mitz,
Welcome to the Mental Health Forum.  I am mainly an alcoholic, and I have always tried to stay above the legal radar, so I have never gotten a DUI, or been arrested.  Hopefully, that will be a permanent state for me.

That said, I have done AA 12th Step service by going to the local county prison and taking an AA meeting to the women there.  I was always grateful to be able to do that service.  With my recent relapses, I will not qualify for that service till I have a year of sobriety.

My younger son was arrested when he was barely 19, charged with possession.  He managed to get off with probation.  A year later, he entered a rehab, and admitted to me that he had been dealing heroin, in order to support his habit.  The terms of his probation were that his charges would be expunged if he did not get arrested again. 

Hang in there.  Trust your God for the outcome of your next court visit.  His grace will get you through whatever happens.

Hugs,
Trish