Agitated

I have been working my AA program on and off for the past year.  Prior to last Christmas, I had over 6 years without a drink.  This past year has been sheer H***.  For the first time in my life, I want to drink around the holidays.  Never before did it happen.

So, I went to the Walgreens to pick up some pictures, and had to pass two liquor stores.  I even went and looked to see how many cars are parked there.  One was extra crowded, due to the coming holiday tomorrow night.  In AA we call tomorrow Amateur Night, because all the non-alcoholics drink like they are us. 

I have been to three AA meetings in the past few days.  I did not make one today, but feel like I probably should have.

A lot of emotional stressors have come up, along with other things that are bugging me, and they are serious stressors.

I have called my AA sponsor every day for the past five days.  I am supposed to go to group at the rehab tomorrow, but I am going to skip it to go to my therapist's.  I really need my therapist to listen to me tomorrow.  I am really struggling because he keeps saying that I only need to see him every other week.  I have not handled that too well, and really want to see him weekly.

Sorry for rambling.  I am really agitated and tempted to drink.

Trish

 instead of mistreating urself... treat urself.. to a nice relaxing shower or bubble bath grab a good movie an curl up in bed... hell even have a healthy snack while u watch... find something to do that u enjoy  i wish there was a good saying for drinking like there is for eating..  maybe we should think of one.. hugs.... just remember it doesnt fix anything just makes u temporaily not think about it.. an when it comes back to u its 10times worse what ever it is along with the gulit an regret of tryin to drink away ur troubles...

Thanks for reminding me.  I am still sober.  I did spend most of the evening trying to get my new cell phone connected to my old Bluetooth.  I finally succeeded.

I have been working on my Facebook page, and trying to connect with old friends.

I think I will get out my latest yarn and begin a project I want to start for my granddaughter.  I had made her a crib size blanket when she was born last year.  Well, with her new baby brother or sister on the way, I need to make her a bed size blanket now.  The new baby will get the crib.  She will be two when the baby is born.

I am addicted to yarn.  It is sometimes maddening because the yarn takes up so much space, and I live in an apartment.  BUT, the upside is, I make gifts for people with it, and I can't get a DUI while crocheting or knitting in my living room.  Also, busy hands have less time to eat with.

One Day at a Time, I will get through this week, and be able to look back and Thank God.

Hugs,
Trish

I don't know your situation too well with the therapist Trish..

but just *hearing* your agitation about drinking in your writings here.. I'm concerned.  I would almost wonder if you are setting yourself up to get discourage with your therapist to give you a cause to drink tonight  ??

perhaps rather than going to *argue* with the therapist... the group rehab will be the wisest choice especially tonight..  ?  again.. I don't know just throwing this out here from what I'm reading..

either way Please take care .. and DON'T take that first drink.  It's not how you want to start the New Year.   Much love hun..

Hi Rhonda,
Thanks for the insight.  I had not thought about setting myself up to drink.  I really was not intending to argue with him this time.  I thought some begging and pleading would work instead.  For some reason, he thinks I only need biweekly sessions while I am in group.  I have abandonment issues where he is concerned, and really need weekly sessions with him, regardless of group. 

I am glad I have your insight to take with me, because I really need to be mindful of that.

Hugs,
Trish

Do you feel an intense connection to your therapist? I know that for women with abandonment issues, recovery programs generally suggest a female therapist. I personally have gone to both male and females therapist and found that I related better to female therapist when it came to working through relationship issues, including fear of being abandoned.

I started working with this therapist before I entered AA.  I have never heard of recovery programs advising a particular gender for a therapist regardless of the abandonment issues.  There was a time when I could not work with this therapist, and worked a year with women therapists and it did not work out.  At that time in my recovery, I hated all women, and did not trust them.  Plus, I have some abuse issues that have twisted my thinking where men are concerned, so working with this therapist has been helping me deal with that, and my Daddy issues.  Very complicated to explain. 

From my perspective, the relationship my therapist and I have is intense.  Not sure what he thinks, other than he probably needs a stiff drink after a session with me.  Good thing he is not an alcoholic...just a joke. 

I just know I must work through this abandonment stuff, and heal it.  I had been doing some really good work, during the summer, when I was not drinking.  Since I relapsed again in October, it has been on a downward spiral for me.

Thanks for caring.  I need all the support I need.

Hugs,
Trish

Are there any women's AA groups in your area? That is another suggestion.
(I went to a women's group ONE time - unfortunately - I chose a group in a near by very affluent small town and I felt like the country-bumpkin....I could not for the life of me imagine these women having dealt w/ the things I had.)
That said - i do know there are some very good all women's groups that are often effective in helping deal w/ some of the childhood issues female alcoholics and drug addicts tend to have.
Also - I presume you have read "Healing the Child Within"? Fantastic book - helped me a lot over time.

Thanks.  My IOP counselor did recommend I attend Women's AA groups.  There are several in my area.  I had attended one I liked, but they had heating issues and I could not sit in an unheated room because of health issues, even with a coat on.  I will have to find another, which I do know exist.

I am grateful that I have a terrific sponsor who is helping me more than any other sponsor I have had in my 19 years in AA. 

I really appreciate your support through this time.

Have a great weekend.

Hugs,
Trish