I'm lost.
I'm a 4 year post op. Prior to surgery I never drank, ever. I did well post operative until a year or so ago. I was laid off from my job and have had a hard time finding another one. I no longer have health insurance so i've gone without my wellbutrin for depression and after I lsot my job I started drinking a glass of wine here and there. I don't drink everyday but when I do drink, i'm a binge drinker. I've gained weight and feel like i'm in a black hole of depression. I'm not suicidal and on the outside noone ever seems to notice my profund sadness or the changes in me. I mean even I notice the changes in me. It gets to the point where I think about drinking and plan it out. I make sure I have time to myself to sit and have a drink or ten. I don't want to do this but I don't know how to NOT do this. I want to be the me I used to be. I want to be the person who is strong and who never would have resorted to this. I don't know how this happened or how I got here but I need a hand and I need a hug.I need someone to tell me that it's ok to hurt, that I shouldn't always suck it up, not think about it, go do something else and it will all pass. It doesn't pass, I can't suck it up anymore and I just feel lost in this world of mine. I am ashamed of myself and ashamed that my life has gotten to this point. I know a lot of people can relate. Someone, help.
Hi and welcome,
I so relate to what you are saying. Drinking is so easy to do, and such a black hole once you are in it. I had over 6 years of AA sobriety prior to my relapse one year ago. The depression and compulsive thinking about it is awful.
Some suggestions that have worked for me. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. They are free, and all over the place, at all hours of the day and night. The people at the meetings strongly desire to help people like you.
If you find that the compulsion to drink is really too strong, you can contact your local alcohol and drug rehab and ask how to get funding for rehab. Where I live, the county helps put people in rehabs. My son got 28 days of rehab that way.
If you need psychiatric meds, there should be a local mental health clinic that should be able to help you. Also, if you contact the manufacturer of the medication, often they give the meds to people who have no income.
Have you applied for welfare, or medicaid? That might be a good place to start as well.
Hang in there.
Trish
I so relate to what you are saying. Drinking is so easy to do, and such a black hole once you are in it. I had over 6 years of AA sobriety prior to my relapse one year ago. The depression and compulsive thinking about it is awful.
Some suggestions that have worked for me. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. They are free, and all over the place, at all hours of the day and night. The people at the meetings strongly desire to help people like you.
If you find that the compulsion to drink is really too strong, you can contact your local alcohol and drug rehab and ask how to get funding for rehab. Where I live, the county helps put people in rehabs. My son got 28 days of rehab that way.
If you need psychiatric meds, there should be a local mental health clinic that should be able to help you. Also, if you contact the manufacturer of the medication, often they give the meds to people who have no income.
Have you applied for welfare, or medicaid? That might be a good place to start as well.
Hang in there.
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
See where you can go in your area for free health care - and ask the doctor to prescribe you a generic antidepressant - there are several really good ones out and you can get the RX filled at WalMart for $4.00. Wellbutrin is still expensive as it is still patented.
Also - see what type of MHMR services there are in you area. YOu may need to make a number of phone calls - it can be very frustrating.
I have been out of work - in part by choice (returned to school) and in part due to not being able to find a part time job (I can't work full time due to school and my ulcers.) I have done my share of binge drinking (though not since last time I ended up w/ internal bleeding.)
It is rough and this time of year makes it even harder, I think,.I think alcohol and cigs are the two hardest addictions to beat - they are in your face everyday - on the TV, on the radio, in the stores, etc. YOu need help to get over the depression.
Take care.
Anne
Also - see what type of MHMR services there are in you area. YOu may need to make a number of phone calls - it can be very frustrating.
I have been out of work - in part by choice (returned to school) and in part due to not being able to find a part time job (I can't work full time due to school and my ulcers.) I have done my share of binge drinking (though not since last time I ended up w/ internal bleeding.)
It is rough and this time of year makes it even harder, I think,.I think alcohol and cigs are the two hardest addictions to beat - they are in your face everyday - on the TV, on the radio, in the stores, etc. YOu need help to get over the depression.
Take care.
Anne
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