Addictions: All of them

I am new to this WLS site; and pleased to find that it has an addiction forum.  I will try to give a quick run down; and I look forward to hearing from any/all of you.

I was sexually abused as an infant until age 26 by grandfather, uncle, brother in law, preachers (2), deacons, (2).  I also was physically, mentally and spiritually abused by my immediate family members.  I packed on weight as the years went by.  I tried to act "tough"; masculine so that no one would mess with me.  I dont have the pleasure of not remembering.  I remember everytime my grandfather had a pedipholia orgie.  Yes, there were many of us at one time.  Strange goings-on.  Penetration with all sorts of inantimate objects...yada, yada.  You get the pic. 
Physically sucked up into a F-5 tornado and lived to tell about it.  Saw the world from the sky as I was free spinning but escaped with only minor injuries (the family was not so lucky, but no deaths).
Had WLS 2004 RNY, lost 125 lbs, gained 80 back from food addiction, alcohol addiction, nacrcotic/sedative addiction.  These addictions presented themselves after I was gang raped by too many men to count. 
Next came treatment, recovery, therapy, and a life-long process.  I have clean for 2.5 yrs, and work at it daily.  I have a wonderful therapist now (have had many years of useless therapy before her).  I have been seeing her for the 2.5 years and was able to almost cry the other day for the first time.  I think that is great progress.  My wall is so thick and high it scares me sometimes.  I am 41, never married (engaged 5 times), no children.  I think all of these addictions and my isolation is directly related to my early trauma.  I work on the serenity daily, and some days are more successful, but I always learn. 

I am looking into revisional DS for the RNY.  Will see how it goes.

Here is my point.  I have survived.  Not as much as some, but more than others.  The things I experienced haunted me just like it has for you all.  But there is a purpose for my life.  I have just been through too much to quit now.  I do not believe my higher power would bring me this far from the addictions and hurt to throw me into the sea now.  I have hope.  There is always the sunshine, just somedays it is blocked by a tempory cloud. 

thanks for letting me share~!

 

Hello and welcome,
First, let me welcome you to a great little corner of the Internet.  This is the forum where I am most understood.  My state forum, the PA forum is terrific, but many are clueless to the addiction issues that most of us face, probably because of denial. 

While my childhood trauma was a bit different from yours, I can relate somewhat to your recovery journey.  I began therapy in 1989, to deal with my eating disorder.  I had no desire to stop drinking, as I did not see an occassional binge as a problem.  I was diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder, and stopped drinking, but gained weight like crazy.  My behavior and marriage disintegrated, and I was able to stop drinking for over 8 years before I quit attending AA and relapsed.  After my husband left, I got sober, again and put together 6 years of sobriety, earned a Masters in Social Work, and had my RNY.  Last year, I relapsed on the alcohol, due to a bad attitude and no meetings, again. 

Understand that I have been in regular intensive psychotherapy with the same poor sucker since 1989.  He is good, I was resistant, obstinant, and basically unwilling to change for most of the time we have worked together.  I had huge trust issues, and did not even cry in his office until a few years ago. 

While I have made huge strides in my mental health, I have had some wicked relapses at times.  I have learned that life is a One Day at a Time thing, and that I am a work in progress, on a journey with no end, till I reach my Maker.

I hope you are able to understand, or at least relate to this.  I am definitely a survivor, and pride myself in my attempts to be an overcomer as well.

Hugs,
Trish

Thank you for your story.  I love to hear from other survivors!  I have been an RN for 16 years, and after the progress (FINALLY became willing!) I was able to make with help from HP, I decided to go back to school as well.  I am working on my Psych Nurse Practictioner and should grad in Dec 09. 

I want to specialize in addictions or geriactrics.  It has been a long and sometimes extremely painful journey, but it is pretty neat to be discovering so much about myself. 

 

Hi Blue!

Nice to see you here! We all have a monkey on our back at some point. Mine is alcohol, and while I've been sober for 21 years, I'm relapsing on overspending, flirting (for me it rarely stops there), over-eating even though I'm not done losing - not at goal and if I don't get a grip on this I'm afraid I won't! 

We all have triggers and stresses that set us off on binges. It's hard..it's one day at a time, and yes, some of us are lucky to survive. Not without scars and bruises, but most definitely victorious by virtue of wanting to heal and keep going in spite of what others have done to us and we've tried to do to ourselves to block it out. 

I'm glad you're here! This is THE best board on the web and I'm proud to be part of it! I might not post daily, but I come here daily to read everyone's posts.  More power to you!!

Marie

Hey BlueSkiesAgain,  Have a hug from this survivor and a big welcome.  You are not an accident nor a mistake.  God has a plan for you for this day!  I am glad you shared and I welcome you as a friend.  Big Big Hug,  Big Big Welcome,  Nannyre  (Marie)

I have survied as well.  Not as many tramuas as you but I am a sexual abuse survivor.  I also survived many other things, which I can't go into here.  But I am enlightened by your post!!!!  I have always said I was a survivor until someone close to me told me I was playing "victim".  I DO not see myself that way.  My past haunts me everyday of my life, and makes me who I am, but not make me who I am going to be tomorrow.  Yes I deal with alcohol addiction.  And I'm not in recovery yet.  I'm not seeing a therapist, however, I know I should be.  I just have to say that your sharing has really hit a spot with me and I THANK YOU!!!

Again.  Thanks for sharing.  We all have pasts....and every day is a new chance to change our future.

I am a firm believer in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and I've been really close to being dead....it only does truly make you stronger.

Paula

Thank you for your encouraging words!  I can feel all of the emotions swirling for you.  I think your friend was prob talking about ME.  I loved to play the victim for a very long time.  After all, it gave me an excuse to do all those things wanted to without guilt or shame!  It seems to me that you have come such a long way without recovery or therapy, and for that I am happy!  Each person is different, and I took a different route to my healing.  I am greateful for my time in treatment and with my therapist.  I have really used her these last couple of weeks.  It just takes what it takes.  If you are happy and content; then I applaud you!  Thst is, of course the ultimate goal.  I am still working through so much; emotionally volitle at this moment, but I know that just like the good times, this will pass on too. 

Thanks again for sharing, I know your post has helped others besides me!