If You've Tried Overeater's Annon...

If you have attend OA meetings (or currently attending) - how is/was your WLS "accepted" in your group?  If a "special focus" meeting was available for all weight-loss surgery people (the meeting still open to ALL people who wish to stop eating compulsively, but a focus on WLS, just like they have meeting with special focus on gay/lesibian, 100 pounders, aneroxic, etc.) would you be interested?

My story: I've been attending OA for 5 years.  I had RNY on 12/17/07 and have since lost 178 lbs.  I still attend OA.  However, my experience with other OA's reactions have been mixed, at best.  I've been told a lot of the same things we all hear: I took the easy way out; I'm not doing it the 'right' way, i.e. the OA(?) way; Of course you're losing weight - you mutilated your guts and are starving yourself!; and the most hurtful (to me) that I should never be a sponser as I have nothing to offer because I had surgery.  Others have reached out to learn more about WLS and to offer as much support as possible.  Sadly, I have heard of at least two people who came to OA after WLS and left OA because the other OA's couldn't relate to them.  One OA asked me how in the world can someone be full after 1/4 C of chicken and how can an extra bite make them sick? One oldtimer (whom I find very very offensive) said, "Her (the WLS OA) doctor told her not to eat more than 2 tablespoons of food at a time, 3 - 5 times a day - THAT'S NOT HEALTHY!!! You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that doctor is obviously a QUACK!!!" I was stunned!  I asked the 'battle-axe' to please give my name and number to the WLS OA - call me anytime, day or night.  The battle-ax told me, "Too late - she and her huband moved out of state - her eating is just completely OUT OF CONTROL, she's gaining weight like there's no tomorrow!" Ack!!!

So after some other experiences, I contacted the "powers at be" of OA and have inquired if it would "allowable" (not the right word, I know) to start another OA meeting in my area with the special focus on WLS.  My local OA oldtimers, including the offensive one above, practically turned themselves inside out, telling me NO! - it's a violation of the traditions; it would be like Weigh****chers having an OA meeting; WLS is an outside issue (isn't other special focus matters like gay/lesbian "outside issues", too?), etc.  I have taken my question to World Service and have been notified the Board of Trustees is taking it under consideration, so I hope to have an official answer soon.

In the meantime, please share any OA experiences with WLS that you may have had.  Feel free to contact me by email, too.

Thanks,
Jana

I spent many years in OA prior to eating disorder treatment in 2005, a year before my surgery.  My psychiatrist at the eating disorder center told me to discontinue my participation in OA as it had such a strong emphasis on "bad foods" and my treatment center was more about moderation management, not eliminating any particular foods.  I had pretty much stopped anyway because of the lack of emphasis on the 12 Steps of recovery.  I am AA oriented primarily, and I believe that recovery is in the Steps, not food discussions or debates over methodoligies.  Too many people were discussing foods being bad, or other nonsense, and not discussing the Steps, and how to work them. 

Fast forward to now.  I have toyed with the idea of returning to OA for support, but presently am in treatment for my alcoholism.  Hearing of your plight with the narrow minded oldtimers reminded me of my concern about OA losing its focus on the Steps of recovery. 

I also thought of your plight as a reminder of a problem I had early in my AA recovery in 1990.  Back then, I had an AA sponsor who did not like the idea of me seeing a psychiatrist.  I went to the shrink anyway, and got a prescription for antidepressants.  My sponsor told me that all I needed was the 12 Steps of AA, and that if I went on the meds she would drop me.  Well, I went on the meds and she dropped me.  I went to an AA meeting and found a pamphlet about AAs taking psychotropic medications and that AA should not discourage its members from seeking professional help if it is deemed necessary.  Now, almost 20 years later, it is very common for people in AA to see psychiatrists and take meds.  AA has evolved, and become much more accepting for the practice.

What will probably need to happen is for World Service of OA to come to terms that WLS is here to stay and that the members who have had surgery need support and recovery too.  World Service may not necessarily approve a specific focus group, BUT, may have to include in its literature a pamphlet or book educating OA as a whole on this issue.  Just as AA had to come to terms with members needing medications for mental illness, OA is going to have to come to terms with WLS. 

I hope this makes sense.

Hugs,
Trish

Thank you for your reply, Trish!  I have heard of the AA stance on mental helath issues, including meds.  It's a good example of the old saying about we did the best we could with what we knew and when we knew better, we did better.  Sadly, I know a person who was told the exact thing same you were told but within FIVE years ago!!!!!!!!  I shudder to think how many souls have been lost to the program due to attitudes like that.

I am awaiting word from OA as to their decision about a special focus group.  I wouldn't be surprised if the topic was tabled.  I would like to learn more about how other special focus topis were cleared - interest, need, political lobbying of OA? Hmmmm....

As sure youi already know, there are so many people who have WLS, lose weight, and turn to another addiction.  I call cross addiction the WLS dirty little secret.  I fight it every.single.day.  However, hangovers about kill me, I'm too tired to an affair (besides I've already slept with more men I can count before I was married), and I'm too broke to take up drugs or gambling.  However, cigarettes are tempting the daylights out of me.

I keep going back.....

Jana

I would keep doing what you are doing. Having the WLS is a hard choice and yes people feel like it is an easy way out, but after so long it is easy to get sucked back into your old ways if you are not careful.  So how is this taking the easy way out?  How is going through surgery and making an instant life changing decision cheating?  Having the WLS is H-E-L-L and the sacrifices we have had to make from the time we decided to look into it, is what helps us along.  Not only that but the emotions we feel through the entire change.  In their eyes it may seem like the easy way out but in mine there is nothing easy about what we have decided to do.

Thanks,
Melissa

Thanks for your reply, Melissa!

I agree that WLS is so not the easy way out.  I remember right after surgery the detoxing off of sugar and junk, screaming that I wanted food, the overwhelming waves of emotions that I ate over in the first place and I sure as hell didn't want to deal with them now!!!  I have always wanted to point out that even if I wanted to eat like I used to, I couldn't because my body doesn't "do" sugar anymore, I can't eat huge amounts - our bodies are PERMANENTLY altered.

Take Care,
Jana

I think the thing about OA, is that they have a saying "take what you need, and leave the rest"

I couldn't relate to the people in my OA meeting because I felt like the odd person out due to my age and ethnicity (some of the jokes told I so didn't get...and i consider myself a generally funny person).

I lost about 70lbs with OA, but I left because I felt that my sponsor wasn't really understanding me or accepting my meeting availability.

i think that OA works for me, but it is mainly the eating plan that works for me rather than the meetings.

i would say try another group, but your surgery is your business and no one else needs to know it....focus on the issues related to compulsive overeating or binge eating and don't let those other people and their comments bother you.

(((hugs))))

Hey Jana!  I do attend OA, and I can relate to everything you're saying.  I asked a couple of people in program what they thought about WLS before I had mine, and did not find any encouragement.  Being familiar w/the Live & Let Live mentality, I at least expected support, but I didn't get it.  Now that I'm post-op, people have been very complimentary and somewhat supportive.  But I definiately do not feel comfortable discussing my WLS in meetings because everyone either seems to think I took the easy way out (LOL) or just can't relate.  Some of them are just downright against WLS, so I just stay away from them.  It is hard because I really want & need the recovery that can come from working a good 12 step program, but I'm no longer sure I'm going to find it in OA.  I am also in Alanon, but I know that food is my addiction, and I would really like to work my steps in OA first.

All that said, I just got a sponsor who is also in AA, which I think will be helpful.  But I've had a lot of problems w/meetings where there is just no recovery, and all everyone wants to talk about is their week.  It's been difficult to find a meeting w/good recovery, and to find somebody willing to sponsor.  I did get another sponsor who also had WLS, so I might just keep both because I think between the 2 of them I may get all of what I need from OA.  

To answer your question, I would really welcome a WLS OA meeting.  I agree that if AA can have womens meetings & mens meetings, an OA meeting for those who have had WLS would be very beneficial.  Isn't that similar to having a HOW meeting?  They're more structed than Weigh****chers!!  As long as none of them are able to keep anybody out (women can go to the mens AA meetings, but they usually chose their own because that's where they find what they need), I don't see what the problem would be with it.  Let me know if I can help or if I could send my recommendation somewhere in particular to 2nd your motion.  I would love to start one up here in the Denver area, or would even be willing to drive to the Springs if it was for this type of meeting!

Thanks~
*Angel