cheating and prescription drugs

Hi,

This is the first time I post on this board.....I was glad to find it.

I need to talk so here goes.  Been married to a great man for almost 10 years now, I had gastric bypass 4 yrs ago lost weight got thin and starting cheating.  I then had plastics and almost died from complications, when my mortality was staring me in the face I got pretty depressed (I have been on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds for about 20yrs) and humbled confessed my affairs and was forgiven.  My husband took a job offer out of state several months later and it took me a year to get the courage to leave my hometown and job of 22 yrs to join him...I remained humbled for about a minute, soon I was cheating again.   After the plastics ordeal I got hooked on pain meds then got off them and started taking ambien to sleep that was 2 years ago and I still take them plus about 2mg of xanax to sleep at night.  Problem is that I take them pretty early because I want to zone out.  Back to the cheating....moved 1200 miles from home to be with my husband and raise our son together and guess what I cheated again.  

So last night I told my husband about my continued unfaithfullness and he is willing to stick around so long as I get help.  

I feel like the cheating is an addiction, it is not the sex it is the attention from other men, it is the high I get when I feel like I am desired,  Also the sleeping pills and xanax are now a problem, I can not sleep with out them and most nights I can not wait until it is time to take them.  

I am feeling extremely ashamed it took alot for me to share all this and I am looking for some support. 

Thanks!
Melissa



 

Hi Melissa,
I am glad you joined us.  Your problems remind me of me.  My sexual acting out is symptomatic of childhood sexual abuse.  In therapy, I have tried to work on that issue, and have made a lot of progress.  My acting out is definitely attention from men.  Therapy can help you immensely. 
As for your pill addiction, Xanax is a benzo, and is usually forbidden by drug rehabs, like the one I participate in.  Is a psychiatrist prescribing them, and is he/she aware of your addiction?  Narcotics Anonymous is a 12 step program for people with drug addictions.  It is full of people who become addicted to prescription drugs after surgeries. 

I hope you can find a good therapist and get some help. 

God bless.

Trish

Hi Trish,

I too was sexually abused as a child, as well as emotionally, and alot of neglect. 
I have a great husband who is not going to stand much more....he has never caught me I just keep telling him, its like I feel if he knows then I won't do it anymore. 

I am glad you responded....I am so scared to have xanax as my anxiety can get so scary, to be honest I have considered drinking as an alternative, lol...but I do not like the taste so I have not gone through with it....I had a pyschiatrist when I lived in Texas but I moved to MO a  year ago and have not seen anyone here my MD here just keeps giving me the refill.  I will get an appt tomorrow with a pyschiatrist and a therapist.

God Bless you and thanks!
Melissa 

Hi Melissa,
I totally understand about the anxiety being horrifying, because mine can get like that.  There are safe medications that the psychiatrist can give you to help you work through the anxiety.  Also, a good psychotherapist can help you work through the sexual abuse issue and teach you coping skills to help you get through periods where the anxiety is challenging as well.  I suggest you get a therapist who is licensed and who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, as that is what has worked for me, and it is also the most effective type of therapy around today. 

Be totally honest with both of these people.  Hiding stuff you are ashamed of, like the sex behaviors, will only prolong your agony.  I was mortified when I first got honest with my therapist, but his reaction was so comforting I have no problem telling him anything now. 

If you ever need to talk, just PM me and I will gladly give you my number.

Hugs,
Trish

 My story (date of RNY, Great Husband, not the sex) is similar to yours.  The plastic surgeons insisted on Vicodin, Xanax and Ambien.  Fast forward, I recently had to detox (in-patient) because I was up to 8-10 mg of xanax, and 60-80 of ambien daily, 40-60 Vicodin.  
When my mother died, I hoarded all of her morphine, took 6 months of a Cancer patient's dosage in one week.
It got so bad I arranged for my own intervention.

It seems that you are catching it at a good time and know  you need help.  

I wish you well and e-mail me if you want to connect.

Wow that really struck me....Thanks. 

I take 2mgs of xanax and 10 of ambien...sometimes 20.  I am so afraid of dying, I keep thinking I am going to od by accident because once I have taken my ambien I often get up and take xanax or more ambien.  I also get up and eat and make phone calls and have converstaions I have no recollection of.

I am glad you are working on your recovery, I do not want to end up in rehab or in a pyschiatric hospital..been there done that don't want to go back.  Although when I went before it was severe depression, I have never had a substance issue before (well unless you count food)  but for some reason my weight never came up in therapy and I never mentioned it cuz it hurt too much.

Thanks for your honesty I truely appreciate it.  I would love to connect but have no idea how to email from this site...do you?  If so email me.

Thanks!

Melissa,
I can relate to so much of what you are saying.  I  have not physically cheated on my husband, but I CRAVE attention from men-especially when we go out at night.  I like to wear really high heals and low cut dresses or tops.  I also like to drink-a lot!  I get drunk and act like a total ****luckily my husband is there to take me home.  I am just now starting to look at my cross addiction issues.

I had breast cancer this year and was put on much pain and anxiety medication.  I am also dealing with this.  My cancer is gone, but I still have pain and I kinow I take way too much meds for it!  

 I hate the pain you are going through, but I am glad to know I am not alone!

 

Let's talk more!

Hi Lisa,

I too am glad I am not alone.  Don't cheat on your husband I PROMISE it does not feel good.....It causes me so much anxiety, 1st I get hung up on the other men, 2nd then I want to get rid of them, 3rd guilt and shame.  It will cost me my marriage if I do it again and I know that there is no other man out there who will love me and our son like my husband does..he is great. 

I went through a period were I drank alot then I switched to meds it somehow seemed more acceptable. 

Hang in there and feel free to PM me or email me anytime!

Hi Melissa-

I think the first positive step is admitting you have a problem.  I have a girl friend that is 2 years out and is constantly drinking and has to be the center of attention.  Myself I am only a week out and these things are currently the least of my concerns.  I think going to see a therapist is an excellent idea.  We are not prepared for the changes that we go through after having such a life changing surgery.  Unfortunately there are some doctors that think you can solve everything with a prescription and in your case they can't.  I would truly like to here how your progress on this matter goes.  You are very lucky to have a husband that is sticking by you in this because so many would have walked away.  Hang in there and you will get through this just be honest with yourself and others.

Melissa

OMG, I'm so glad that I found you all and this board.  I'm going on 5yrs. out of having my surgery. Want to have plastic but that probably won't happen.

Anyway, I totally relate to the drug addiction and i'm glad your getting help before to late.  Because I let mine go to far, it started out with tussinex cough syrup for sinus infection, well it got to the point that I couldn't live without it.  I then went to get Lortabs and would switch back and forth .  Well I got caught forging a prescription and I'm on 1 yr. probation and 100 hrs. community service.  Well if that isn't  enough, I didn't learn my lesson and was still getting pills, well I lied on my cs hours and have to go back to court and I pray that I won't have jail time.

Please, please anyone that is hooked go to your PCP and tell them, I finally came clean with my husband, who has been wonderful, he went to the dr. with me and I'm on the Suboxone now, I knew if I didn't do something i was going to wind up in jail or dead, the levels of that in my system were so high that they told me I could have died in my sleep.

I'm doing the 12 step Nar. program, but do it without having to, its part of my probation. 

I'm so proud of you because you have openly admitted that you  have a problem and that is the FIRST step toward help and your husband is there for you.  The addiction is all there together, I'm bi-polar also so I have ran up 2 credit cards and have a loan, all to fund my habit and my husband has stuck by me, so where yours is  sex mine is money, its all the same.

Anyway I just wanted to let those out there know that it happens and I'm glad to be on a board with people that know this happens and offers support.  I want to offer it to any that needs it and tell you that the suboxine is working, slowly but surely, i have 2 beautiful children and I don't want to leave them now. 

You know it sucks here we had the surgery so that we could live a healty life and here we get addicted.  I hate it, but I know together we can overcome this and grow stronger.

I'm putting my faith in God and have faith that he will help me with this and I pray that I won't get jail time for violation of probation, my prayers are with you and lets stay in touch.

God Bless,
Mitz