I think I figured it out, now what?

I had my RNY 4 years ago. I was very successful with it, and I have managed to gain back about 30 pounds from my lowest point and am now working on taking it back off. I am having to work it the old fashioned way with diet and exercise because it's been so long since the surgery.

But, the psychological problems still remain. I could never control myself with anything and before my suergery, my biggest endulgance was food (of course!).  I HAD to have to surgery because conventional weight loss plans were never going to work for me, and I know you all understand that. We all tried!

The surgery helped with the overating. Now I have taken to drinking alcohol like I ate. I can't stop at one. The thing is, and here is what I've figured out, I can go without having any alcohol indefinitely. I used to be that way with food too, only the problem with that is you can't go indefinitely without eating. So when I did eat, I ate everything, large quantities and wouldn't stop until it was all gone. Now I do that with booze. If I buy a bottle of wine, I sit and drink the whole thing. And you all know how light of drinkers we are with this surgery! If I am out with friends at a bar, I can't have just one drin****ep drinking until someone has to drive me home. Think if the money I am wasting! ****tails a bar aren't cheap, and I likes me a lemon drop martini with a shot of Chambord raspberry liquor in it. Many of them. I embarrass myself in front of my friends.

It's that way with everything with me, eating, drinking, spending money, it's like I have to have it all. I don't know the meaning of moderation. I don't do anything half way. After I lost the vast majority of weight, I learned to scuba dive. I can't stop at just being a diver, noooo, not me, I am going all the way to instructor level. I am on my third certification. Why? I don't know. I can't put anything down until I'm done with it, projects, writing papers, housecleaning etc. I don't know how to stop, it's like I am so needy. Never satisfied, nothing is ever enough. But the booze has got to go.

Ugh, it's very frustrating and I have got to figure out how to get some control. I was thinking about attending AA, but my issues go beyond that. I guess it's time to call the shrink. Sad part is, I am a shrink. Or at least I will be when I graduate next fall.

Thanks for listening, I know this went on long. I am going to place my relentless focus on cleaning the garage, at least that's being productive and I'll get a little exercise.

-=d=-

Hello d,
Welcome to the Mental Health Forum.  What type of shrink will you be?  A psychiatrist?  Hopefully, you know that it is often a good idea for people who are going to work in the mental health arena to have gone through psychotherapy themselves.  That is what I was told when I pursued my Masters in Social Work.  My own therapist was in thearpy for 7 years prior to earning his Ph.D. in Psychology.  So, I would encourage you to find a therapist that you can work with.  Hopefully, someone experienced with cognitive behavioral therapy.

I thought I would just need psychotherapy when I first started my battle 19 years ago, but my therapist insisted I attend AA shortly after I began therapy.  I fought him on it time and time again, but am so glad he persisted.  You will be surprised at how much AA can benefit you, though I still am in psychotherapy as well.

I hope you are able to find a good therapist and also attend some AA meetings as well.

Hugs,
Trish

I am going to school for a master of couseling. I started this little journey a long time ago, it's difficult to work on when you work full time. I kind of regret it now, because it's like I am never going to finish.

I might check out an AA meeting, but it is embarrassing. i guess I should feel that way since everyone in there is in the same boat.

I totally understand the thing about juggling school and working full time.  I earned my Masters in Social Work part time at night while teaching full time during the day.  I also had to complete two years of internships, with 18 hours a week at my internship, while attending two classes a week, while working full time.  Talk about exhausting.

AA is the only place I do not feel embarassed about my drinking.  Everyone there understands me and wants to help me.  You will be surprised how you will feel differently once you attend a meeting.

Good luck,
Trish

My class this term is ironically on addiction treatment and I want to do my paper on addiction transfer and you would not believe the scarcity of scholarly articles on the subject. No one has done any research yet. I guess I am going to have to scrape up what I can and then use references from articles on OCD, as it is closely related.

-=db=-

Try AA my friend.  It is so different than most people think and will help you in so many ways.  Even if you are not an alcoholic, you will learn  many coping skills that you can apply to food, Rx drugs,  alcohol and just everyday situations.  Good luck!

Hi D -

Like you, my issues also go beyond food & alcohol.  I can't stop at just one.  It sounds like you already know how to channel your obsession in healthy ways - like scuba diving, school, housekeeping, etc.

Knowing that you have a problem with alcohol is the first step.  I think AA is a great place to start.  For me, AA is not enough either.  I have to combine AA with therapy.  It helps on so many levels in my life - food, alcohol, drugs, relating to people, dealing with life on life's terms.

Just don't drink, one day at a time.  Don't even buy the stuff.  You wouldn't buy a chocolate cake and take it home; why do the same thing with wine?  I know if I had either chocolate or wine at my house, I would eventually give in no matter how much harm I would do to myself.  You know what?  It's not worth it in the long run!  You're worth sooo much more than that!

Relating to people has been a huge challenge for me. When we're living in an addiction, we don't really live in the world of humans and they are really hard to deal with. Food never hurt me, or disappointed me, or blew me off infavor of something else, or lied ot me, etc etc. People suck! I find since losing weight and being thinner, so much more is expected of me now from when I was fat and invisible. Sometimes I wonder which way was happier for me. I was thinking that once I lost weight, maybe I could get a boyfriend. That hasn't happened either and it beings me to the painful realization that it wasn't my weight, it's me!!

Oh, yeah, I can relate to that!  I never met a pizza I didn't like!  I sometimes wonder too whether I was happier being fat & invisible.  I sure don't miss hurting all the time though.  I don't miss feeling like a beached whale.  I think I'll take healthy over being fat any day.

In AA there is a term called "taking a geographic".  It means taking a geographic cure for your illness, like "oh, if only I moved to Podunk ND I would feel better/stop drinking".  Eventually the realization comes that you can't run from yourself or your problems.  Nor can we hide behind food or fat anymore.  We still have to deal with our problems.

Yeah, people suck.  But there are so many other people who are wonderful, kind, caring human beings.

I find that being in a 12-step program has helped me change my attitude about the people around me.  I can choose to get angry and waste my energy that way, or I can choose to accept them for what they are.  Yeah, they suck.  Move on.  Being in AA has also helped me get honest with myself and start working on issues that bother me.  I just try to live up to my own (realistic) expectations every day, not other people's expectations of me.  Being in therapy has helped me set realistic boundaries - both for myself and for others.  It's scary, but remarkably freeing in the long run.

And boyfriends?  Sheesh.  I need to get to a point where I can feel comfortable with ME before I can share my life with anyone else.  That's a whole NOTHER issue!

Dee - I have to say I could see myself in your posting - I was a high school counselor for 10 years and then quit to go back to school to get my master's in educational psyhchology....

I do wonderfully working with high school students....I do horribly working on my own problems....Those are always harder to work on!!!

I have come to realize that I have an addictive personality and need to find addictions that are not harmful to me. (Wish I could get addicted to exercise.....)
My thoughts are w/ you.

Anne