Another Step in the right direction

Last night I emailed stan and told him I can't be a hypocrite, so therefore, I cant' heal myself and my life if he's in it. He admitted the night before (last time we had contact) that he may never be ready to see me again. I explained that I can't live on the hook that I MAY have hope that SOMEDAY he'll be ready. The more I thought about it, the more I walked away from stan and the relapse he represents and walkd TO God. For several weeks now I've gone to temple on the Sabbath every week. I LOVE how I feel when I'm there! (like an AA meeting) and I can't be there for four hours in the morning, then spend the afternoon or night with a man other than my husband for S/m activities. (that he'll never be ready for because he's doing a classic mind **** on me and he can STAY right where he is...safely barricaded behind his pc).

I did manage to tell him that because I need to work on my marriage I knew he'd understand WHY I was calling things off. Not only that, I also told him I'd be putting him on ignore. I deleted him and one other guy I used to see from my email and IM list and put both on ignore for good.

Velvet is very sick, unfortunately. Last night I only got 3 hours sleep, didnt' go into work today cuz I couldn't function and spent the day crying because Velverino is in the hospital with a feeding tube and a massive infection along wth a heart murmur. Poor fuzzball. I miss him. He's lost 2 pounds in 3 days from being sick! He's 17 pounds now and I'm hoping the antibiotics, food and water they're giving him start to work so I can bring him home on Saturday after temple. Say a prayer for my cat!!  (sorry for rambling)

Marie

Hey Sweetie,
I know how hard it was to say goodbye to Stan.  I had to do that with Frank almost a year ago.  I had such a hard time with it, but it was the same thing.  I could not go to church, and pray and receive communion, and then see him that evening. 

As for your kitty, I am right there with you, praying for your critter.  I could not handle it if anything happened to my cats, even though I was ready to put one down a few weeks ago, that was another story.

hang in there.  Reward yourself with something sugar free/alcohol free, free free, like a walk in a park, or a bubble bath.

Hugs,
Trish

Hey sweetie,

Thanks for the post! Saying goodbye again wasn't so tough for me, but what will royally suck is in a week or two from now, I'll be wanting to hunt him down and seduce him back. But I know I have to find my guts and stop the nonsense.

I spent an hour with the cat at the vet tonight...he's not happy one little bit!  I need those prayers!