Not a good weekend for me....

I'm feeling mega-stressed. This must be the weekend for it. I've had $1000 worth of car maintenance, and $500 vet ER bills so far for the cat. I've realigned myself with stan (former sub) and I HAVE to end that. NOW. AND...I baked cookies.

I spent $300 at Macy's buying a new winter coat and raincoat in my size (on sale  but most ANY purchase makes me feel guilty). At least I can donate my other two heavy coats to the homeless. I spent money at Target, too and can at least return a few items I'm not thrilled with.

I have to tell stan that I won't play again. I love what he did for me in the past, but it has to stay there. There isn't enough room in my soul for an affair AND God. I know I can't live with myself in a hypocritical vein, so he's going to have to find someone else. I'm just now finding my way back to my religion of choice! I can't let him be an obstacle for me. Besides, he's a big tease and I'm not in the mood to be played anymore. 
 
Sigh...I'm feeling really crappy about myself, I've spent a lot of money (most of it necessary), things don't seem to be going my way on a few things, but I won't let myself drink. I have to start catching myself BEFORE I act out with shopping, stan or eating badly. I don't even really love the cookies I baked (gave a few dozen away already) and still managed to eat 3 of them.  :(

Ugh....feeling crappy and worrying about the cat is wearing me out!  Hope everyone else's day off was better!! 

Marie

Hey Girl,
Don't beat yourself up for being human.  I could beat myself up for my 12 days I spent consuming alcohol like it was spring water.  What does it get me?  Guilt, shame and remorse. 

Journal, exercise, pray, meditate.  Just don't drink and be good to yourself.

You know I love you tons.

Hugs,
Trish

Thanks chickie! 

My blood sugar log looks like I went face first into chocolate cake this weekend! My PC wont' be pleased, and neither am I for that matter! I don't expect to be perfect, but I sure as hell have to be better before my blood sugars do me IN. I am so worn out from all my stress and the bouncing blood sugars! I was falling asleep by 7:30 tonight.

Hugs, and I love you lots right back!!

Marie

Can you bake with Splenda sugar blend when you go on your baking binges?  I have been using it to make shortbread cookies when I am bad with the carbs.  It has less sugar.  Just a thought. 
Do what you have to do in order to get those blood sugars stablized.  That is crucial. 

Be good to Marie. 

Hugs,
Trish

I really can't stand the after-taste with it so I end up using real sugar. I bake to relieve stress, but try not to eat it. My neighbors end up being the recipients of my baking binges. (happily , those are happening far less often now!) 

The poor cat isn't doing well post-anesthesia. (I can SO relate to that!)

Marie

Poor Kitty,
What happened to your cat?  Did I miss a post about that one?  I have two cats, so I can relate.  One of them is psycho and almost ended up in the great litter box in the sky over Labor Day weekend. 

hang in there.

Love,
Trish

He's really sick right now. :( He was lethargic and not eating for two days and now he's constantly throwing up even water. :(  Not good. I am tempted to take today off to bring him to his regular vet, but I can't afford it as I've no days left. Stve is being a ***** about this. He has more time on hte books than GOD but won't do it because he didn't want a f^&*(king cat.  I'm pissed at him, and worried sick about the cat!

Hugs,
Marie

Sorry you're facing so much Marie. I know its not easy when things are hard all around you. I hope you search within yourself and find the strengthen to move on from these things. Its not easy at times to make the conscience decision(s) to stop before we start. Step away from the cookies, Stan and anything else and refocus your attention on getting back to living your life in a perfect-ed manner. Be happy with the things you have and don't beat yourself up so much. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes. Prayers coming your way for sure.

Thanks!  Your post helped more than you know in the "strength to say no" department!! :)  Have a great night!

Marie