Restless, Irritable & Discontent

I'm about 3-1/2 months out from RNY surgery.  I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster.  To be honest, I feel like I felt when I first quit drinking.  Restless, irritable and discontent.  I have these wild mood swings.  Yesterday I had a meltdown at Home Depot.  Mind you, that place makes me cranky even on the best of days.

Did anyone else feel like this post-surgery?  Irrational behaviour, wild mood swings, rage, PMS-like symptoms?  I've been feeling even more depressed than usual lately, so I increased my dosage of antidepressants.  I had a bad bout of insomnia a week or two ago, usually that's brought on by depression.

I am seeing a therapist, I've been going to him for a little over a year now.  He's helped me with my PTSD and addiction issues.  I've been clean & sober 18 months now.  I'm trying to pray more and get to more meetings, and share with people what's going on with me.  It all helps, but DAMN!  I feel like a newbie all over again.  I guess taking away my food is like taking away a crutch and it will just take a while to get my equilibrium back again.

Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this!

Hi!! Welcome!!  I first want to congratulate you on your 18 months!!  GOOD FOR YOU!!! I remember feeling EXACTLY as you do my first few months out too! NO clue why, just totally off the wall irrationally whacked about anything depending on my mood. I'd chew ppl up and spit em out for blinking wrong! I think ti's your body just getting used to being less of the old you! Being smaller! :)

Try to be patient with yourself. This IS worth it!! The moods will quiet down in a few weeks! Call your therapist if you feel really manic, and if not, please know that there's always someone here who  can help!! (even if only just 'relating') :)

Hugs,
Marie

Thanks, Marie!  Did you know that's my middle name?  It's also my Mom's & sister's middle names, too.

Whew, I thought I was going off the deep end or headed for another relapse.  I really really DON'T want to go back to that big black hole ever again.  I keep telling myself, "this too shall pass".  I am meeting with my therapist next Wednesday.  I missed our appointment last Friday b/c of my insomnia issues.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time and recognize it for what it is - a form of withdrawal.

I just don't want to get so crazy that I lose my job or relapse.  I'm glad to know that there's someone else out there who went through the same thing.  I'm hoping the 5mg increase in my antidepressants kicks in before too long.  Also going to more meetings always helps, so I'm doing that too.  My AA family will always understand.

Thanks for your words of encouragement!  I need to start hanging out on this board more often.

(yeah, yeah, "keep comin' back"!) 

:) The people on this board have saved my life and my sanity more than once!!!  This is like another family unto themselves. Who can't use MORE SUPPORT and friends who understand because we've been there too? I love this board and the people on it!! It's the only place I visit on OH. I just never felt like I had to look elsewhere for what I needed.

This sounds just like what happened to me at about 3 or 4 months out. I have been sober now for 21 years and am not really tempted much by booze now... But I was even thinking of drinking post-op. Instead I ended up being home for 6 weeks to heal and watched tv all day and read. Absolutely this too shall pass!

Marie

Hi there,
I have two theories on why we get weirded out right after the surgery, as  you so well described. 

1.  As we go through the rapid weight loss, our bodies release a lot of hormones that were stored in the fat. 

2. We have given up a drug, of sorts, and now don't have that to soothe us when dealing with negative emotions.  No food, no alcohol, (if we are sober to begin with), time to drop back and *****nd find even more coping mechanisms. 

You are not crazy.  Your body, and your emotions, are adjusting to your new diet and lifestyle.  Talk to your psychiatrist about your meds, to see if you need to have them adjusted at this time. 

Hugs,
Trish

Hi Trish -

You are absolutely right on in your theories.  I just increased my dosage of lexapro up 5 mg.  I see my therapist Wednesday, and I'm sure he'll approve the increase.  With fall coming on, I usually get more depressed, especially with the holidays coming up.  I feel a little bit better already with the increase of 5 mg.  I'm sleeping better.

I think the key thing is to deal with the situations as best as I can as they come up.  At least talking to someone helps get it off my chest so I don't stew in my own resentments.  I've been doing this lately and have found that it really helps.  Also talking about it in meetings.

I hope this passes in a few months.  Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and support.

Jeanne

Fellow PTSDer.  I am so tired of the rollercoaster.  I am so tired of feeling good then bad.  I just want to be who I was before.  I try to push everyone away from me.  I just want to run away sometimes.  I have such intense emotions I feel like a freak sometime.  I want to have real people to talk to about it but its always my therapist.  And everyone wants th happy funny Jess not the other Jess.  So I learn to stuff it.  But someitmes it slips out and i break down.  Its embarassing someitmes but its what it is.  The panic... the anger.  What happened to me was not right and will never be right.  how do you ever accept such things.  Now I dont know where to channel my energies.  I try to do physical stuff but I want to pop pills, shop, go back into my ed... but i havent done it yet except tonight when it scared me.  I popped a hand ful of xanax bc i was so nervous and i havent been doing that stuff.  What the hell do we do... stuff stuff stuff it.  Im tired of stuffing it.  I need somebody... a real friend... who doesnt always want rosy jess.  Shes tired...

Oh, Jess.  For what it's worth, I accept you without the sunshine & rainbows, and I don't even know you except from what you've shared here on the boards.  I feel like we have a kinship with our PTSD and our WLS and all our other warts and imperfections.

I can totally relate on pushing everyone away from me.  I've been doing that for the last 10 years.  I'm not sure if it's the depression or the addiction or both that makes me want to isolate all the time.  When I'm not expected to "perform" and be "on" at work, I just shut down when I'm at home.  I have no social life.  I hate making commitments to do stuff on weekends because it's just not worth the trouble to get up, take a shower, put on my game face, and battle the traffic and the crowds to do something I probably won't enjoy anyway.  And if someone gets on my nerves, I explode.

I'd love to pop pills, but I don't have that option anymore.  I got into lots of trouble with that a couple of years ago and almost lost my mind and my job.  Exercise is about the best option there is.  I have to drag myself to the gym, but I usually feel better after I work out.  So, yeah, what do you do when you don't have pills, alcohol, or food to look to for comfort?  I sleep.  I escape through constant reading.  I always have my nose in a book.  Or else I zone out for hours in front of the TV.  WTH - at least I'm clean & sober today, and I'm not overeating.  Baby steps.  It's all about progress, not perfection, right?

I am six months out.  I thought I was going nuts too.  I was irrational, took everything personal, felt persecuted.  It's beginning to wane.  It happens less and less.  I just have to remember to take my antidepressants... I'd like to be on an even keel again.