I'M SCARED I AM DYING

LAST SUNDAY BOTH MY CHILDREN WAS HERE SO I THOUGHT I WOULD COOK FOR THEM. WELL WHILE I WAS COOKING I GOT HOT. THEN I STARTED SEEING SPOTS BUSTING IN MY EYES THEN I COULD HEAR MY HEARING AND MY EYES GOING. I YELLED FOR MY DAUGHTER AND SHE GOT ME A CHAIR. I SIT DOWN AND AFTER A WHILE I CAME AROUND. WELL SINCE THEN I CAN'T SWALLOW. EVERY TIME I TRY TO EAT I GET CHOKED. LIKE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWALLOW. I WENT AND GOT SOME BOOST SHAKES AND TRYING THEM. I HAVE LOST 9 LBS. IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS. AND I AM TRYING TO GAIN. I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND GET TPN FLUIDS. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS. MY BODY FEELS STRANGE. I WONDER IF I HAD A LIGHT STROKE. OR IF IT WAS A SEAZER (sp) I AM SO SCARED. I AM SO DOWN IN THE DUMPS. I DON'T WANT TO DIE AND LEAVE MY CHILDREN. I AM SCARED TO DEATH. I REALLY FEEL LIKE I AM DYING. SORRY TO TO DUMP MY PROBLEMS ON HERE BUT I AM REALLY,REALLY SCARED. I WENT AND HAD BLOOD WORK DONE AT MY DOCTORS OFFICE. AND TRYING TO DRINK BOOST SHAKES. THEY MAKE ME SICK BUT I FIGHT TO KEEP THEM DOWN. THEY ARE SO FULL OF SUGAR 23 G. ANYTHING OVER 3G. MAKES ME SICK. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME I KNOW THAT I AM IN GODS HANDS NOW. I HOPE MY ANOREXIA HAS NOT WON!
THANKS FOR HEARING ME CRY.
AMY

I have to say with the kindest of intentions and nothing but love:

GET TO A TREATMENT CENTER OR HOSPITAL. 

We are not going to be able to do anything here but listen and support you and ache for you.  I've watched you post for a while now but what are you doing for yourself other than that??  You need help.  Serious help.

Nevermind the house, the kids, the money, the whatever.  You have two choices - get help, or die.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh - I DO understand, I DO care, I DO empathize and I DO NOT want you to die.

Go get some help.

Love,
Michelle

AMY,

GET YOURSELF CHECKED IN TO AN EATING DISORDER CLINIC OR A SIMILAR TREATMENT CENTER. YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE AND, FROM WHAT I READ, YOU ARE A TOO GOOD AND WONDERFULL PERSON TO HAVE YOUR LIFE END SENSELESSLY LIKE THAT.

Please don't think i'm trying to be insensetive or trying to flame you...i have personally struggled  since college and, in some cases, continue to struggle with am array of issues including anorexia, bulimia, binge eaing disoder, severe depression, bipolar, elements of bypolar personality, a suicide attempt, etc.

at the same time, through it all, in my 33 years on this planet, i managed to get a doctorate degree, have an on and off sucessfull career as an attorney, on and off happy relationships and moments i wouldn't trade for anything in the world and there will be more of those moments to come.

Please get help in any way you can. Like Michelle said, we can be here for help and support, but we can't provide serious medical treatment you need.

Please don't give up on yourself.

Love, nat

Amy,

I 3rd the 2 replies before mine. Reaching out is definitely a step in the right direction. Please contact your doc and get with a program that will help you get your life back. You recognize issues in yourself so please don't sit on your hands. Free yourself up and get help NOW!

We're not doctors here but we care very much and want the best for you. There are many things that you could be dealing with. Please get to the ER ASAP!

All best!

I hope that you are going to get to an ER and get the help you need.  If I remember correctly, your children are not little.  They can manage without you while you get the help you need.  You are worth the effort of getting all the help you need. 

We on this forum cannot cure you, or do for you what you must do for yourself, and that is seek the proper medical attention you need at this time.  We can listen to you, cry with you, and encourage you.  We can cheer you when you succeed, and pray when you need prayer.  But, the bottom line is, you must, absolutely, MUST take the initiative to get all the help you can get.  Right now, that appears to be medical care.

I know of too many people who have died as a result of their eating disorder.  I had bulimia for a while in my earlier days.  I have also been in outpatient treatment for my eating disorder.  I know the physical dangers of each eating disorder.

If one of your children were writing this, what would you do with them?  Would you insist on taking them for immediate medical care?  Or, would you just let them keep doing what they are doing without changing anything?  Do for yourself what you would insist on for your child.

Be good to yourself.  You deserve it.

Hugs,
trish

I know its hard... i had anorexia and went to treatment.  I got down to 108 lbs and went to a dual program that addresses the eating disorder and trauma.  I learned that I had to address the trauma to be able to get past the eating disorder.  through treatment I have been able to put on enough weight to be 125 lbs today.  Does my head still play tricks with me and tell me to lose weight...yes, but I dont do it.  I cant... I have a son that loves me and a husband too.  I have to eat... You have to get in the vits, protein supplements and the food.  I try to eat lots of fage yogurt wiht peanut butter mixed in.  I eat butter on things and avocado.  I eat chicken salad with nuts and fruit mixed in.  I never knew how I looked until after I gained the weight back.  People would talk about me around town and call me sick.  I ddint see it I though I looked good and needed to lose more weight.  I finally gave the control over to my professionald and did what they asked.  I got rid of all my size 00 and 0 clothes.  Never to go back again.  Address the pain that causes these ed... it helped me.  I still have pain but I have a management plan.  Take care,  Jess

Hi Jess,
You hit the nail on the head in saying we need to address the root cause, the pain.  I know that is what has helped me work on my eating disorder and alcoholism.  It is not enough to stop the behavior, we must examine the thinking and emotions that drive the behavior in the first place.  A good therapist is my source of help in that.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us.  I am glad you are working on staying healthy.

hugs,
trish

Thanks and hugs to you... well keep working on ourselves and growing!! Jess