I would rather act out than feel this way
Last week, I was in tears most of Saturday, and was struggling to process a difficult therapy session. I did not act out in spite of wanting to, because I am trying to work through some heavy duty transference stuff in therapy.
This week, I had to cancel my therapy session last night because I was on sleep deprivation. I failed to take one of my meds on Thursday night and did not sleep most of the night as a result. On the way to my session, it was pouring down rain and I was having trouble keepin my eyes open. Now, I am wanting to drink so I can go into therapy and deal with that, rather than deal with my feelings.
One of the weirdest things is that I am concerned about what my therapist thinks about my feelings of transference. I am so afraid that he thinks it is all stupid and that I am weird, or worse. Mind you, I did not care what he thought when I was in relapse, or having meaningless sex with a guy whose last name I still don't know after three years. But, I am worried about what he thinks about my most intimate feelings about the "Daddy" stuff in therapy.
So, I need a meeting big time, because I want to get drunk so that I can distract my therapy from my feelings and deal with some good acting out. I also have been tempted to cut as well.
Go figure.
Huggles,
Trish
This week, I had to cancel my therapy session last night because I was on sleep deprivation. I failed to take one of my meds on Thursday night and did not sleep most of the night as a result. On the way to my session, it was pouring down rain and I was having trouble keepin my eyes open. Now, I am wanting to drink so I can go into therapy and deal with that, rather than deal with my feelings.
One of the weirdest things is that I am concerned about what my therapist thinks about my feelings of transference. I am so afraid that he thinks it is all stupid and that I am weird, or worse. Mind you, I did not care what he thought when I was in relapse, or having meaningless sex with a guy whose last name I still don't know after three years. But, I am worried about what he thinks about my most intimate feelings about the "Daddy" stuff in therapy.
So, I need a meeting big time, because I want to get drunk so that I can distract my therapy from my feelings and deal with some good acting out. I also have been tempted to cut as well.
Go figure.
Huggles,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Thanks Rhonda,
I am getting to my meeting on Monday, come Heck or high water.
Love you,
Trish
I am getting to my meeting on Monday, come Heck or high water.
Love you,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
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