Need Advice please

Hello Everyone.

I have been sober a little over 3 years now.  I go to 4 to 6 meetings a week.

In my recovery I have given rides to people all the time. Well, this one young woman I give a ride to about 3 times a week.  Lately when I pick her up....she is not sober.  What do I do...do I keep taking her to meetings? Do I stop giving her rides to meetings.  She likes going to meetings so she can meet other men....and these men take advantage of her state.  When she is sober, she is a really nice person....but lately it seems that she is always using something...mostly pills.

Any advice...anyone?

DarDar

Does she have a sponsor?  Have you talked to her about her lack of sobriety? 

First I would pray and see what you think your Higher Power might want you to do. 

My gut says to talk to her, preferably when she is not using or drunk, and tell her your concerns and how you really don't like to see people take advantage of her.  If you aren't comfortable doing that, see if you and another woman in the program can do a sort of 12th step/intervention with her, at her home when she might be sober, like in the morning.  See if she needs inpatient rehab, or if she is in therapy.  Suggest both if she is not. 

Good luck with it.  It is a toughie.

Hugs,
Trish

This is a difficult sitch for sure! I think you need to take care of YOU first. Seeing her compromising her sobriety must surely drive you crazy inside. It sure would me too!  While reading your post, I felt angry that she'd throw away hard earned sobriety and use AA as a meat market. We all know clean and sober aint' easy!  I'd first ask yourself how you feel, what your first instinct is to do about it, maybe write down the pros and cons. Techically, AA is for drinking, and if you're using while at a meeting, that's tolerated, as long as you aren't drinking when you attend. Maybe you could suggest NA to her next time? Have you talked to your sponsor about how this makes you feel?? This must be putting you in a very vulnerable spot too...

Part of me thinks: if she won't help herself, YOU shouldn't feel bad that you're not doing enough! You can adopt a no tolerance stand and refuse to bring her if she's using.....OR suggest that she find a sponsor in AA or NA or both and try to reconnect with the person she knows is inside.

I know this isn't much help, but I've had to do tough love and tell very close friends that if they're goign to bring drinks with them for a visit , they're welcome to sit outside, and they can't keep it in my fridge even while visiting. I knew I'd have taken those drinks for myself. I had to put ME first...very alien, and I felt very rude, but it's the only way I kept ME safe, sane and sober. Good luck!!

Marie

The only requirement for AA membership is a *desire* to stop drinking.

That said, whether or not you give her rides to meetings is up to you and your personal comfort level and boundaries.  There's always a possibility that enough of that good ole AA brainwashing will get thru to her for when she *IS* ready to put down the substances.

Some group old timers say, "call me any time, but don't call me if you are intoxicated - I cannot be of service to you in that state".  Others say that the hand of AA should always be there.

I think I personally would calmly tell her that I'd be happy to take her to a meeting if she is sober at the time, but her being under the influcence is effecting my own serenity, and I have to put that first.  Perhaps you could talk to YOUR sponsor or other old-timers for more advice?

hugs,
Michelle

Thank you everyone for your advice.  Seems I can't talk to her on the phone because of our different work schedules....I do know her sponsor....I will talk to her.  As for myself....I don't have a sponsor...I've been looking.

Thanks for the advice.

DarDar