Arrogance
I was posting about my 3 month anniversary on a Yahoo group tonight and I learned something about myself that I did not like realizing, but am so glad I was able to verbalize it in writing. I have been one of the most arrogant alcoholics I know.
When I got sober 7 years ago, I was accepted to my graduate program for a Masters in Social Work. I had dreams of being a psychotherapist, and I began doing tons and tons of research on alcoholism, women and addictions, and mental health issues in general. I wanted to be an expert on these subjects, and I read article after article and wrote paper after paper on a lot of recovery related topics. I also had the wonderful opportunities to do internships in a halfway house and a special program for clients with dual diagnoses. After graduation, I began working part time at a psychiatric hospital, and a part time outpatient therapy clinic. I had arrived at my goal, and I began to encourage my addicted/alcoholic clients to go to AA and work the 12 steps of the program for their sobriety and recovery. I didn't like to admit it then, but I felt superior to the people I sat next to in my AA meetings.
At least I felt that way till December. I had slacked off in my meeting attendance, and made a really dumb mistake and went to a liquor store to buy a Christmas present for my Mom's boyfriend. He likes wine, and my son had suggested a white zinfandel. I was a few days away from hernia surgery, and a week away from Christmas. So, needless to say, I was under a little stress. I was a perfect candidate for a relapse, and I fell into it hook, line and sinker.
Then, I went back to my AA meeting, but could not admit my relapse to my homegroup. I could not face them and admit I was just a normal alcoholic who did not work my program and relapsed. This went on for six long months. In June, I got honest with them and have been working a different program.
I just had to share what I learned from posting on the Yahoo group.
Have a great day in recovery and be safe.
Huggles,
Trish
When I got sober 7 years ago, I was accepted to my graduate program for a Masters in Social Work. I had dreams of being a psychotherapist, and I began doing tons and tons of research on alcoholism, women and addictions, and mental health issues in general. I wanted to be an expert on these subjects, and I read article after article and wrote paper after paper on a lot of recovery related topics. I also had the wonderful opportunities to do internships in a halfway house and a special program for clients with dual diagnoses. After graduation, I began working part time at a psychiatric hospital, and a part time outpatient therapy clinic. I had arrived at my goal, and I began to encourage my addicted/alcoholic clients to go to AA and work the 12 steps of the program for their sobriety and recovery. I didn't like to admit it then, but I felt superior to the people I sat next to in my AA meetings.
At least I felt that way till December. I had slacked off in my meeting attendance, and made a really dumb mistake and went to a liquor store to buy a Christmas present for my Mom's boyfriend. He likes wine, and my son had suggested a white zinfandel. I was a few days away from hernia surgery, and a week away from Christmas. So, needless to say, I was under a little stress. I was a perfect candidate for a relapse, and I fell into it hook, line and sinker.
Then, I went back to my AA meeting, but could not admit my relapse to my homegroup. I could not face them and admit I was just a normal alcoholic who did not work my program and relapsed. This went on for six long months. In June, I got honest with them and have been working a different program.
I just had to share what I learned from posting on the Yahoo group.
Have a great day in recovery and be safe.
Huggles,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Thanks Trish, I know that must have been hard for you.
I worked at a half-way house for women recovering from drug and alcohol. This was very rewarding for me too. I like what I did. I enjoyed that job very much. When I moved out here I 'thought' that I didn't need meetings. So I didn't go to them. I tried at first but I didn't feel comfortable at them. Needless to say I relapsed too. I stayed in the bottle for 3 years. You are lucky...you got right back up on the recovery horse and worked it out. I had a hard time coming back. I refer to myself as a chronic relapser. At first I couldn’t put days or weeks together. I remember my last drunk was after I had 90 days! They say you are as sick as your secrets....so this is no longer a secret that is holding you back....you can only move forward. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I always get so much from your posts.
DarDar
339/197/124 (yeah...right)
Hey girlfriend,
You are NOT alone here! I've only been to meetings a few times in the 21 yrs. I've been sober. The last time I went (over a year ago with mega stress before my daughters wedding), I listened to the assembled group of women and thought to myself..."*I* didn't sell my body for a drink/bottle/high...*I* didn't do what these other women did". I then *****slapped myself in their company that evening admitted that yes I did...In reality I was no better. *I* put my then 3 y.o. in the car to go buy another bottle so I wouldn't run out and be toooo drunk to drive later. I admitted I sucked as a mom for putting her life and anyone else on the road in jeopardy because I couldn't break my habit. I put a lot more than just MY life on the line that night. It took FINALLY getting to a meeting I desperately needed to give me the realization that while I might've been a snob about my opinion of my own alcoholism, I was right where every other woman there was. In need of help, comraderie, support, someone to give me a life line, to understand, and to welcome me non-judgementally...a person like all of us on this board, an addict trying to stay clean any way I can. For me, the trick is FEAR. I'm so deathly afraid of never getting out of the bottom of a bottle and losing my faculties again that one is too many...and a thousand is never enough. I'm working the steps for other areas of my life now and feeling much closer to God...so much so that I'm finally back in my temple community again. It feels GREAT to be home. Just like it does with home groups.
Big Hugs,
Marie
You are NOT alone here! I've only been to meetings a few times in the 21 yrs. I've been sober. The last time I went (over a year ago with mega stress before my daughters wedding), I listened to the assembled group of women and thought to myself..."*I* didn't sell my body for a drink/bottle/high...*I* didn't do what these other women did". I then *****slapped myself in their company that evening admitted that yes I did...In reality I was no better. *I* put my then 3 y.o. in the car to go buy another bottle so I wouldn't run out and be toooo drunk to drive later. I admitted I sucked as a mom for putting her life and anyone else on the road in jeopardy because I couldn't break my habit. I put a lot more than just MY life on the line that night. It took FINALLY getting to a meeting I desperately needed to give me the realization that while I might've been a snob about my opinion of my own alcoholism, I was right where every other woman there was. In need of help, comraderie, support, someone to give me a life line, to understand, and to welcome me non-judgementally...a person like all of us on this board, an addict trying to stay clean any way I can. For me, the trick is FEAR. I'm so deathly afraid of never getting out of the bottom of a bottle and losing my faculties again that one is too many...and a thousand is never enough. I'm working the steps for other areas of my life now and feeling much closer to God...so much so that I'm finally back in my temple community again. It feels GREAT to be home. Just like it does with home groups.
Big Hugs,
Marie
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