my story

Hi Everyone,

Don't know if you remember me, back in May I was wanting to kill myself because of my alcohol addiction. Obesity help called the police, got a hold of my in laws, my husband found me drinking and driving with my son in the car. First and only time. DISASTER! YES i blame gastric bypass for becoming an alcoholic, but no i don't regret having it done.  I am 3.5 years out and i transferred my food addiction to alcohol.  I was fine for almost 3 years but when i moved and had no friends, family or a job, the isolation got me to start drinking. Gastric bypass sure does make it easy to get drunk,  I never had issues drinking before surgery.  I guess i knew that it could become a problem, but I wasn't REALLY listening, because I thought it didn't apply to me, i was a social drinker.  My husband woke me up by leaving and taking my baby with him. But I do get to see my son every weekend. I graduate from out patient rehab tomorrow.  I have been sober for 37 days.  It has taken me 60 hours of rehab therapy to realize that when your an addict you dont make decisions that you normally would. I hid and i lied to him. I still find myself wanting to blame myself, thats why i wanted to die, but that I have to rely on the facts, and forgive myself for the things i have done.  It's a hard thing to do for me, I am very hard on myself.  Now I feel good, I am sober, not hiding, not lying, but my husband filed for divorce.  I DO NOT WANT THIS!  He said its a formality and he wont take off his ring, and we are working to be together again, but to me its more than just a formality.  He says he has a lot of issues he has to work through, not related to my alcohol, his family and depression and things before we have a healthy relationship,  I am trying not to push him to getting back, but our love is still there, how do I set it aside and concentrate on me?  I never have cared about me first my whole life.  Don't take this to mean that i am not a confident person, because i am, I just love very strongly. i don't know why i posted today, im bored at work i guess, YES! i have a job, and it's wonderful, i will never try to be a stay at home mom again!

I am glad you got the help you needed.  I, myself, am 77 days sober today.  Its an incredible feeling.  I can only relate a little to the husband thing.  Mine has not divorced me, but things are not quite the same anymore.  That's ok because I have realized a lot of things about myself in the past 77 days.  One being that I must take care of me.  No one else will.  Two, only after I take care of myself can I appropriately take care of other people in my life.  I hope that you and your husband can get things worked out.  Remember, he also has admitted that he has to work on some issues too.  Good luck to you.  PM me if you want to chat further.  Kathy

Hi Kathy,

Congrats on 77 days sobriety! Yes, sobriety is an incredible feeling. I'm just over one year sober and what a ride its been for sure. Totally agreed. Taking care of ourselves FIRST then allows us to take care of others. I wish you the best and hope that you're successful in all you do.

If you are interested, would you share your story with me? I'd very much like you to read the post previous to this of mine called SURVEY: PLEASE RESPOND.

All best!

I'd be more than happy to share my story - I'll check out your post later today when I have more time on the computer.  Kathy

Hi there,
I do remember your previous posts, and the fallout from them.  I am so glad that you got help, and are now working on sobriety and recovery.

I am so sorry about your marital problems.  I can relate to them in a very big way.  I was in a very troubled marriage for 25 years, most of the problems being me.  My husband left me 8 yeras ago, and I was in relapse when it happened.  I did not want to get sober, because I had only gotten sober the first time around for fear of losing him.  Once I lost him, I gave up hope.  Fortunately, my therapist helped me make the decision to go back to AA and get sober for me, and me alone. 

I relapsed in my drinking back in December and was on and off the wagon till June.  Yes, gastric bypass makes it so much easier to get drunk, and I was doing a great job of doing just that during my relapse. 

With my hat in my hand, I returned to AA, and got sober, and have been sober since June 1st.  I just got my 3 month coin on Monday. 

My only suggestion is to keep working your program and stay focused on taking care of yourself for yourself.  If you do not take care of yourself, you cannot be there for your child, or anyone else for that matter.  What got me back on track in June was the thought that my granddaughter, who just turned one, must grow up knowing the sober, sane me as her grandmother, not the insane drunk who raised her mother most of her life.  Thank God, all three of my kids are relatively stable, and have forgiven me for their insane childhoods.  We all have a good relationship, except for one minor glitch with my youngest at this time. .

Do you go to AA?  I have found my AA program, and the meetings I go to, are invaluable to my overall mental health, not just my sobriety.

Take care and be safe.  Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk.

Hugs,
Trish

Hi Rainsunbow,

I don't know of your story until now but I wanted to reach out to you and say you are not alone. I too traded food for alcohol and although we share many similiarities I I don't believe Gastric Bypass made me an alcoholic. My alcoholism is hereditary and it was an easy outlet for me. No one forced me to take a drink. It became my undoing but WLS did not do that to me. I made the choices to drink. I too do NOT regret WLS. Its been another stepping stone in the journey of Life and I am a better person for having gone through all this.

Congrats on 37 days! I hope that the outpatient rehab has really given you a new lease of life and that you really & truly continue down the path of sobriety. Forgiving yourself is incredibly hard but it CAN be done. We all falter and make mistakes and kick ourselves for those mistakes. But, they are lessons taught and learned and you've got to move forward and NOT make the same mistakes.

You have to concentrate on YOU. If you don't take care of yourself how do take care of your marriage, your child, your most personal relationships? You cannot. I'm GLAD you posted today. Its a wonderful thing to know you are not alone and that there are others who've been where you are and there IS hope.

Please continue to reach out. Help yourself and help others.

If you are interested, would you share your story with me? I'd very much like you to read the post previous to this of mine called SURVEY: PLEASE RESPOND.

All best!

Hi Guys,

Thank you so much for your responses, it does help to know i am not alone.  I actually will graduate today, I miss counted my days, I am really looking forward to it, my husband is coming, this makes me feel really good, because I haven't gotten much support from him through all of this.  I asked him to go out on Saturday to dinner and a movie, he said we will see.  He has a lot going on right now with his parents, so I hope he will come.  He did say that he does want to hang out, just not sure if he will have time.  So thats a step in the right direction. 

I am doing this for me, I know that because if he does go through with the divorce, it doesn't change my mind on sobriety. I can't however be 100% sure that i wouldn't relapse, I mean, I didn't even know how bad my problem was until rehab, so i just don't know anything for sure anymore, ya know?  But him and my son sure are a strong second motivator.  I also like statistics, and only 12% of people who stop drinking never relapse, I want to be in that 12%.  But don't worry, I'm not making it an obsessive competition, I know that will only hinder my recovery.  

I am going to AA, I like it.  Now that I am graduating I am ready to start working the steps.  I have a sponsor, but I don't feel she is right for me, so I am going to find someone else.  She is number two, so maybe three is a charm.

The reason I blame gastric bypass is because of the simplicity of getting drunk, with out that, I do believe i wouldn't have gone down this path, yet anyway.  Doesn't mean that genetically I wasn't always predispositioned to be an alcoholic, but it did push me over board. 

I have made the life time commitment to trying to stay sober, for me and my son.  I used to always fall off my diets, I just hope, I don't fall of the wagon.  One day at a time right?  Thats hard.

Leigh

Congratulations on your sobriety and "graduation".  Remeber, one day at a time .. it's simple, but you're right - it's not necessarily easy.  Just don't fall into the trap of thinking about the future - keep it in today.

Something you wrote struck a chord with me.  I too had the "isms" way before I became an alcoholic, but it wasn't until I had my RNY and then when I did drink - EVERY TIME it was over my tolerance level.  I learned in my DUI Risk Reduction class that continued drinking over one's tolerance level can be enough to push a person from an alcohol abuser to an alcoholic.  So by mere physiology, even two drinks was above my tolerance after RNY.  Pair that with my already existing predisposition and BAM - I hit the wall and I hit it hard.

We have a lot in common!

As for relapse - it's unfortunately the norm, not the exception.  I had 14 months sober and relapsed for a few months, but I got back up on the horse and have been sober again for about six months.  I really have to just keep working that FIRST STEP - truly understanding that I really **AM** powerless over that FIRST drink - that's the one that can kill me - the first one.  So TODAY, if I stay away from that first drink - I'm in good shape - no matter what else is going on.

hugs and best of luck!
Michelle

Congratulations Leigh.  I did not have the opportunity to do rehab of any type for my alcoholism.  I often wish I had, because I spent a lot of time self-educating and would have preferred to have it from the professionals.  Some of my early AA contacts misguided me and were totally wrong on certain things.  But, I learned to take what I like and leave the rest.

I did have the opportunity to go to two IOP programs for my eating disorder.  It was the process of dealing with both my binge eating disorder and my alcoholism simultaneously that helped me realize that my disease of addiction has nothing to do with alcohol, food, sex, or whatever.  It has to do with my brain chemistry and thinking.  The combination of those two things are my problem.  The twelve steps helps me deal with my thinking.  Abstinence from the addictive substance or behavior helps me deal with the brain chemistry problem. 

I am also in the position of having to find another sponsor.  I have been looking, but no luck.  Problem is because I have been in the program for 19 years, I am looking for someone with a lot of time.  Easier said than done.  So far, all of the women I have asked already have too many sponsees and they cannot take on anyone else.  I know God has the right sponsor for me, somewhere.

Good luck and keep sharing your recovery progress and what you are learning with us.

Hugs,
Trish

Hi,

My husband didn't come to my graduation.  I am tired of making excusses for him, but he is the leader of the disaster recovery team for the the cell towers of his company that are down in new orleans.  I don't think he has slept in days, so I guess I understand, I have to believe in him, it keeps me going. He was really mad he couldn't make it, but he has always put his job first, and sometimes i need to be first, just once and awhile, I am not needy, except for his love. My best friend did come, and she bought me a present, she has been my rock, and i don't know how i will ever repay her.

Leigh