Having some struggles

I've bought a few things dirt cheap, but still spent money I didn't need to this week. My job sucks, the situation is getting worse, (mega stressful since other ppl in other areas aren't doing their jobs before I get their files and dammit, I'm not paid to do MY job AND theirs)...ssdd. Job blows. I am antsy about shopping again. I can't tell you how many times I've been on a site, put stuff in my cart, and x-ed out before I committed myself to the purchase. I'm in that really shtty cycle where I hate the job, but can't afford to lose it just yet (no safety net or back up) and the stress makes me want to spend my arse off, which only makes the cycle spin faster.

I'm not sure if I should attempt going to a meeting to head this off at the pass, or do step 4 again. I never did meetings when I got sober. It would've been soooo much easier if I had. I did it alone and never needed to, but didnt' really see that way until recently. I could've used the support! As it is, I'm not used to asking for help with much of anything, and my alcoholism is no different. I h ave some friends in other programs and they seem to really push going to ANY kind of 12 step fellowship meeting. I don't like having anything shoved down my throat so I resisted the shoves. (gee...not only am I O/C, but I'm stubborn as hell too!)

I have a friend I need to make amends to, and I plan on doing that this weekend. I'm not sure how much stress I'll have afterwards, but I'm close to a breaking point. Knowing him, he'll tell me I should go to a meeting. I might even go, after I kill him for saying it. Sigh...I'm spiralling, and that brings out the worst in me. Can't relax, can't shop, can't bake or eat, can't deal.

Marie

Hey Sweetie,
First thing you need to do is breath.  Slow down and do some deep breathing in and out slowly.  Then, think about what you need for your recovery.  You said you need support.  Would you like support for your alcohol recovery, or your spending recovery?  Have you ever considered Debtors Anonymous?  I attended one of their meetings and intend to go back. 

http://www.debtorsanonymous.org/

In the meantime, just slow down and do the next right thing.  Breath, relax, breath. 

I have been where you are, and can certainly relate.

Love you.

Hugs,
Trish

Thanks Trish!

I'm set for the alcohol for now, it's the OTHER stuff I do that I traded it for.  I'll check out that link you sent! Thank you!

Love ya,

Marie