My 4th...

The 4th of July started out with my dh, dd, and I getting on the road at 5:30 a.m. to go to a big parade in the same city where my sister lives.  My mom is staying with my sister right now due to some health issues and I wanted to see Mom but not spend the whole day with my sister and her family.  I told my sister we'd go to the parade, have lunch with them, but we'd need to be on the road around 2pm to get home, do our own fireworks and watch fireworks at the park. That all goes well...and we're back home around 4:00. After we are home, dh takes a nap.  I stay up since dd is still up and in and out of the house.  Dh gets up around 6:30 and I go to take a nap.  Dh and dd leave to go get some fireworks. I fall asleep.  I wake up, it's dark outside, I get up to head outside to see what's happening.  DD walks in (she's 6 yo) and says, "Daddy and I just lit ALL the fireworks - it was great mommy!"  I'm sooooo freaking mad! I go outside and here's dh sitting on the back of the pickup like a lump watching the neighbors light their fireworks.  I asked why wasn't I included? He told me that I was sleeping, that I didnt' tell him I wanted to be included and besides, LAST YEAR (130 lbs. ago!) I didn't want to be included, so he assumed I didn't want to this year either! I told him I feel very insignificant - to him, to dd and to our family as a whole. His response? Well, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to make you feel that way. (It was very insincere) I told him to stuff it and raged back into the house.  DD was still in the house and she asked if I was mad and I told her yes, I was mad - that it isn't right to not include me in a celebration and daddy was wrong to not include me.  She started crying, saying that they forgot me and now I'm mad.  I told her it wasn't her fault, it wasn't her responsibility and that I wasn't mad at her. I went back outside to watch the neighbors so dd wouldn't be upset about the situation.  I asked dh what he thought he was teaching dd about being part of a family and not just having her and him do things together and leaving me out.  He told me that he's not teaching her anything - it was me who didn't want to do anything last year (when I could barely get up and down the stairs) and besides, I was sleeping, so how important was it to me in the first place! Then he told me he knows how it feels to be insignificant - what did I do for him on Father's Day? I reminded him that the week before Father's Day, dd and I were busy for three nights (Wed - Fri****il 10:30 p.m. doing her dance recital rehearsals and a dance recital on Friday night.  That Saturday we all went to her dance recital in the afternoon AND went to a huge circus that night.  So sorry that the first day (Father's Day) that this kid had to breathe wasn't all about YOU!  PLUS dd and I had professional pictures done for him that we gave him the CD disk of for his b-day the week before Father's Day and I had told him that Father's Day and his b-day would be combined this year.  He retorted that he just got the CD of the photos, I didn't even have anything printed out for him, he and dd just had cut pieces of cake for his b-day (I had gbs! I don't need a whole frigging cake in the house and neither does his 330 lb ass either!!!), and he just got a card for Father's Day.  Oh f'ing boo hoo!! And he's telling me that all of this made him feel insignificant????????????? I think next year I'll get him a king's crown and a big t-shirt that says "I'm the Father and It's FATHER'S DAY" and make him wear it all f'ing day and we'll go out to b'fast, lunch and dinner. Needless to say it was a chilly weekend at my house.  We've patched thigs up so to speak but I did tell him that this better not EVER happen again.  I feel it was a dirty rat thing to do.  I have a call into my therapist to see if I can get in yet this week along with my already scheduled appointment on the 18th. I can't help but think part of the issue is like when an alcoholic sobers up and the family is like, "What? Who...you??" when the alcoholic wants to be part of the family and have opinions about what happens and such.  I think dh and dd got used to me being the fat blob, zoned out on carbs and sugar, in the corner and they went and did their thing and now that I'm much healthier and much more active, they both are having a hard time "having to deal" with me.  Sure it was easier just to buddy up and go have fun but now I feel like I have to fight to be part of the family. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Any suggestions?

I was just thinking about how I used to have your attitude toward my husband, and throw pity parties and temper tantrums, and now he is gone.  He left me because I was immature and resentful.  My suggestion is to put it all in perspective.  Nobody died from his thoughtlessness.  Your feelings were hurt.  It's not the first time, and won't be the last.   I am sorry I am not more sympathetic.  My husband left me, and my kids are grown, and I live alone.  I would give anything to have him back in my life and have my kids stay with me instead of him these days.  I am living alone because my attitude sucked, and I threw hissy fits when things did not go my way. Hopefully, you can say the Serenity Prayer and get it together.  I have to rephrase it sometimes like this. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (the person, place, thing or situation in my life I do not like) The courage to change the things I can (ME!!!!!) And the wisdom to know the difference. Good luck. Trish

I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain right now in your life.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I hope you find peace in your heart and life.

I'm going to recommend a book by Dr. Laura Schlessenger: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I totally understand your aggravation.  It's good you were able to get it out here.  Sometimes it's easier to see a situation objectively from behind a keyboard reading another's post.  I see a husband that is hurting and a seeming cyclical manner of relating in retaliation.  I strongly encourage you to look inward and try to put yourself in his shoes.  It's been my experience that when I give that which I wish to receive, others respond in kind. Love and light, Michelle