BINGE and feeling inadequate

This is not a post about relapse.  It is about something I shared at my 6:00 a.m. meeting today.   My granddaughter is one year old, and we are having her birthday party tomorrow.  I have been feeling inadequate whenever I would compare myself to my ex-husband, because I make a lot less money than him, and I have a ton more debt.  I cannot afford to buy things he can, or go places he can go, or do things he can do.  Some of this is my own stupid fault, because I shopped and spent myself into a ton of debt after my divorce.   So, today, I shared how I feel inadequate because of all of this, but I know that giving my granddaughter a sober grandmother is more important than material things.  I still feel inadequate.  After the meeting, a friend, who has shared that she relates to the spending, eating and drinking behaviors I share, told me what the acronym for BINGE is.   Believing I'm Not  Good  Enough Whenever I believe I am not good enough, I set myself up for a binge.  Doesn't matter what the binge is on, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, shopping, it is the belief that I am not good enough that sets me up for relapse.   I just had to share what I learned at my meeting today. Happy 4th of July everyone. Hugs, Trish

Thanks for sharing that Trish..  Yesteday I was feeling sorry for myself.. and being sad and I'm some today and trying to work it out.  I know it's okay to have these feelings.. but also that I have to figure out why and work it out and go on.  Part of what your said.. believing I'm not good enough.. other is lonely over the holiday weekend..  and I think some is this weather which is dreary and rainy here in KY. Well I'm dealing with it some.. went to the thriftstore after work yesterday to browse..  I have been talking to God daily,  but not as much as in debt one on one conversation with graditude as before.  I must get that back.   I signed up for a maybe on a Local hiking trip today.  I know no one and want to put myself out there some to meet people doing something that I like to do.  I was antsy about going tho.. since I know no one.. but now it's raining.. and not sure if I will.  Now I'm torn between if that's my excuse or if that's a valid reason to not go hiking  altho hiking and picnicing in the rain really wouldn't be too much fun.. but I feel like that's my excuse ~crazy I know~. I read from my A Day AT A Time just now.. and it keeps speaking VOLUMES to me.. so I will share it here shortly! Have fun at your granddaughter's birthday party..  I understand how our brain *knows* the right thing.. but sometimes our *feelings* feel another..  we just have to work thu it hon.and I'm working thru mine too! love you, Rhonda

This post SO hits home for me! I'm trying to stop my binge spending. I KNOW in my head I've traded drinking for spending. I'm so angry at myself because a few weeks ago I put lots of money on my card, then danced the revolving debt mambo and spent that plus $100...just like yo-yo diets, I'm yo-yo spending. I sometimes feel guilty about spending when I actually *need* new clothes, but for the most part, I feel guilty and undeserving when I buy because I need some instant gratificaiton. (and that's why I drank) This will be a great topic for me with my shrink on Monday morning! :) Happy 4th to everyone!! Marie