Not sure what to do at this point...

Okay...not sure where to start but I believe that I have been dealing with the addiction to prescription painkillers for at least the last 8-9 years.  I've been rapidly decompensating lately due to additional stressors in my life but have had a lot of behaviors over the years that have consistently gotten worse.  These include  but are def not an end all list.  Insomnia, the urge and craving to sleep all the time, slacking off from work and all social interaction so that I don't have to deal with anyone and can just go home  and curl up in my little cocoon and take my pills.  I "shop" for mutliple meds and then "choose my ****tail for the day" so I get the maximum effect and they last as long as possible.  I've left awesome jobs because I couldn't use at work.  Now, I'm in nursing school because I've always been interested in the medical profession and want to help others.  Today, I realized that its me that needs the help first.  I've laid in bed since 12 noon yesterday, only getting up long enough to pop more pills, go to the bathroom or let my poor cat in and out.  Sorry this is so long but I'm not sure what step to take next...I recognize that I need help.  I started pain treatment for both 2 bulging discs in my lower back and fibromyalgia but it has taken over my life.  I'm married but currently separated, live alone, and am looking at the options I have in life and realize that my job outlook is wonderful and don't want t continue screwing things up but really don't have the option to take time off from school right now.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I'm terified of residential treatment as I worked in a center years ago and it was horrible.  I've researched the treatment options and have considered going "cold turkey" but am afraid of the dangers and obviously haven't been all that successful in the past at this option.  I'm feeling more lost than ever before and need a little guidance.  Thanks for reading. 

Contact your family doctor and ask for help.  You may need help detoxing, but then may be able to go to outpatient treatment.  Get an evaluation done and find out what level of care is best suited for you.  Also, not all treatment facilities are alike.  You may find that the place you worked at was horrible, but there may be another that is better.   I strongly urge you to get this licked before you finish nursing school, because you will have difficulty keeping a nursing license if you have a drug problem.  I have sat in many AA meetings with nurses who have lost their licenses to DUIs.  I also know of nurses who have lost their licenses because of drug charges.   In the meantime, try attending a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and asking for help.  I know plenty of people who got clean with their help. Hugs, Trish

Trish, thanks for your input and support.  I have to admit that I'm not just scared but ashamed o myself that I let things go so far.  I know I need to work up the guts to talk to my doctor...I've been going to him for years and like to believe that I've got everything under control...an obvious lie, huh?  But thanks once again.  I truly appreciate your help.

Brutally honest here-

Detox so you don't die. Outpatient rehab so you get some education behind your addiction. Or Get your ass to some N/A(narcotics annonymous) meetings.

I've been and am currently in rehab with men and women who have lost thier nursing/pharmacist license due to addiction whether it be dui's or narcotics. They lost their license. Some are doing state mandated rehab, others need proof of clean urines for years. Some have lost their license's for 6 months, others for 3 years. What good is your license going to do you if you can't use it? I'm not trying to be mean in my words, Im being very serious and honest.

Good luck-
Liz