Honesty

I have been struggling with relapse for six solid months now, and for the first time in those six months, I got honest with my home group of AA.  I told them about my relapses.  Up until today, I was too embarassed and ashamed to raise my hand and tell them I drank and relapsed.  For the past few months, I was stone silent in the meetings, and not sharing at all.  It was as if my mouth had been super glued.  I shared at other meetings about my relapsing, but not this meeting.   So, today, near the end of the meeting, I raised my hand, and shared that I was embarassed to admit that I have been relapsing, but I wanted to be honest and say I had five days of sobriety.  I wanted to cry.  It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  After the meeting, I got hugs and thanks from people, as well as people telling me they love me.  I have been going to this meeting for years, it is at 6 a.m. and it gets about 25 to 30 regulars.  It is a good meeting full of great people and I hated letting them down.   I just had to put my hand up here and share. Hugs, Trish

big hugs! I too was very reluctant to share my relapse with my home group.  I don't know WHAT I expected, but I got nothing but love and support and encouragement.  They've really latched onto me since then - something about knowing where another group member is REALLY at helps the entire group.  I'm sure YOUR share helped keep at least one other alcoholic sober for another 24 hours. You certainly help me to do so. Love you bunches. Michelle

Thanks Michelle, I am hoping that my honesty with my home group keeps me sober this time.  I would like to believe that keeping it secret was what kept me out there for six months.  Does that make sense?   Now, I need to find a sponsor.  I am gently being encouraged to find someone who can give me the time I need because my current sponsor just does not have the time available to be there for me now.   Hugs, Trish