Rebelliousness

I am one rebellious alcoholic.  I had been doing really well attending meetings for a couple of weeks.  I was making about 4 meetings a week, which for me is a lot.  Then, my sponsor calls me and leaves me a message saying I really should try to do a 90 in 90.  Well, I just said, to myself, "F*** it."  And, I did not make a meeting for 10 days then.  Nor, did I call her.  Needless to say, I got really crazy mentally, and almost relapsed again.  I finally made a meeting yesterday.  It was my outdoor meeting at a state park down the road from my hospital job.   I have never been successful at completing a 90 in 90.  I have set the goal and done well at making meetings, just never done it to perfection.  Unfortunately, I have an all or nothing mentality.  If I cannot do it perfectly, I won't try at all.   I did get 30 days on Saturday.  I have yet to get a chip, not sure if I want one.  To go from a six year coin to a 30 day chip seems kind of embarassing. Have a sober Memorial Day. Hugs, Trish

{{{{Trish.. }}}} all I know is (I think) it's in our nature to be defensive and rebellious when we feel like we are being *attacked/scolded*.  Sometimes we are like spoiled little kids.. I may have felt the same as you if my sponsor said that...  BUT.. what we have to *try* and remember.. is that the *sponsor* is almost like a parent.  They are telling us things for our own good and from their own knowledge and experience.  I know now.. that my momma said things to me that I thought she knew nothing about... like.."Rhonda..  alcoholism runs in our family.. don't drink... "   I thought at the time.. what the heck does she know.. I'm just partying with friends and we all drink.  Looking back now *hindsight* she knew ALOT..  she had experienced wisdom and was trying to protect me... because she loves me and does not want me to hurt.   I'm certain your sponsor was only telling you that out of love... she wanted to protect you and did not want to see you hurt anymore.  And like in most things.. we do what we want, when we want to.. and most often learn life-lessons the hard way for ourselves.. those tend to be the most valuable lessons. Go get your chip.. YOU deserve it..you are an inspiration to many and everyone who is in The Program  love YOU.

We're all rebels chickie! LOL :)  You're in great company!!  And you've EARNED the chip!  Thirty days is amazing!!! :)  I'm proud of you!! Hugs, Marie