But Chocolate Won't Get Me Drunk

I need a spanking...and not that fun kind. So....  in getting sober this last time, I've become a junk food junkie.  I'm eating too much.  I'm eating mostly bad crap.  I've gained a few pounds.  I'm not liking me very much right now.  To my CREDIT, I've also been working out, going on 20 mile bike rides etc.  BUT - core to the central thought is that I've gained a few pounds and I'm out of control. WHY WHY WHY do I have to engage in SOME SORT of self-sabotaging behavior?   I'm working my AA program, I have awareness of my behaviors.  I hate the outcome.  BUT I do the stupid behaviors over and over again.  WTF is wrong with me?  Gee Michelle what is wrong with you is you are effed the eff up.  LOL So - my clothes are starting to get a little tight.  I gotta get a grip.  Some days it's all just too much to manage.  Don't drink today.  Don't shop today.  Don't eat junk food today.  We won't even get into the fact that I need to quit smoking again, cuz i picked up THAT bad habit too when not drinking.  That's toooooo much to manage just for today, when sometimes, just NOT DRINKING is the very best I can do. I'm pre-menstrual.  That makes the munching worse, but it also totally shrouds my perspective and outlook in fire and brimstone.  I'm trying to isolate to avoid spewing my invective upon undeserving friends and family, but I have GOT to get to a meeting.   I am powerless over alcohol, junk food, shopping, tobacco, diet soda, chocolate, people, places, things, situations, opinions, weather and my life is unmanagable. And I'm damn pissed off about it. :-) OK - there my stinking thinking is there in black and white - I'm just trying to practice getting that drinking thought OUT of my head and utterred so it loses power. I love you guys - this too shall pass, but seriously?  How does one manage so many isms effectively?  I need a 36 step program or something... :) Love and light, Michelle

I tend to believe Dr Phil on this one... we don't cure *isms* but just trade them out for healthier ones.  But.. that's just MO.  So.. while I tend to eat some unhealthy foods.. I'm trying to switch that *ism* for more healthy foods.. like carrots.. and ranch sunflower seeds.

 

I think I would be hard pressed to think that I can just give up all addictive patterns and be healthy.. so instead of drink.. I meditate and get closer to my Higherpower... instead of shop.. I still shop but sell on ebay to MAKE money.. instead of chocolate.. I eat my sunflower seeds.. but mind you I did still have a peanut butter cookie last nite I don't think that is self sabotaging myself.. but just being human.  Be kinder to yourself Michelle.. you are worth it now.. if you ever need that spanking.. haha

I'm new to this board, but I just wanted to say hang in there.  I too have all these same battles.  So you have company.

I have to practice the 12 steps in all my affairs and ask God to help me with all my addictions. Also I know that if I don't replace old habits with new ones I will have a void in my life, and fill it with something else that I don't need. Also I had to give up my program and work their program before things began to get better. Good Luck and God Bless

*shoving face with gummy worms*

Dude...I can't stop eating candy and cookies over the past month n' a half. This is rediculous.

however,


I'M SOBER!

Well, I am going to share my experience, strength, and blah, blah, blah or lack thereof.  Since my surgery, the sugar really does have a nice sort of numbing effect, and makes me sleepy, so I don't feel the f***ing feelings.  So, I have been using that as a drug when I am not drinking.  In OA, if I were still involved in that program, I would not be considered abstinent.  In AA, I am not practicing the principles in all my affairs.   I don't want to deal with life on life's terms, and do my self-soothing, and take care of myself, so I am going to eat, cut, sex, act out, and if I am not careful, drink, like I was doing a few weeks ago.   The thing that upsets me the most is that I get sicker eating sugar than drinking alcohol.  I have absolutely no physical consequences drinking to excess, other than getting loopier than hell.  A sugar binge leaves me feeling like hurling and tossing my cookies big time.  Go figure. The answer:  My therapist says I have to self-soothe on a regular basis, and take care of myself.  Meetings, deep breathing, prayer, meditation, phone calls, exercise, journaling, are just a few examples of self-soothing.  Problem is, when I am jammed up, I want what I want when I want it, and damn it I am going to eat my sugar no matter what. Hugs,\ Trish

Michelle, Take this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Be kind to yourself. You have all you need inside you to choose NOT to drink, eat junk, etc. We all do! Todays affirmation is to remember "I AM NOT ALONE".  I know these urges make us FEEL that way, but it's the addiction trying to suck us in.  I'm not out a year yet, but I swapped out real chocolate (sugar makes me HURT) for sugar-free. It's easier for me. Also, if I need crunch, I either try soy chips (I got single serving bags so I keep my face out of the feedbag)...or mixed nuts. Crunchy, and all protein.... What's that saying I used to see all the time? Let go and let God.... Love, Marie