Is it bulimia...

...if I only use laxatives?  Today I had my first binge, I guess you could say, since my surgery.   I feel terrible...physically and mentally.  All I want to do is go take a bunch of stool softeners to make me poop.  I hate myself when I do this and I honestly don't know why I did.  I have used laxatives (now stool softeners) since my early twenties.  I am now 42.  At one point I did go for help but in my typical fashion gave up when it got to deep. I AM SCARED!  I have lost almost 80 lbs.  I do not want to screw this surgery up.  I don't want to fail again. Nola

Hello.. I was reading your post.. and didn't want to just back out and not say HI I personally don't know the answer to your question.  I have no experience in food disorders other than my typical overeating to where I was MO therefore needing WLS. I would say that if you had a past history of using and seeing someone for "help" then this is carrying over and can lead to something you may not want in your life.  I would talk to you surgeon.  They are oh so wise in everything.. and experience many things.. and I'm sure would not be surprised at what you tell them.  I'm sure they would be able to help.   Hope to see you here more often.. take care and have a wonderful day

Hi and welcome!!  I don't know if you've thought about this, but I see a counsellor once a week for my food triggers. I'm so glad my insurance company made it a stipulation that I continue. It's helped me in a big way. This might work for you as well.  If it's not something you'll consider now, keep posting here. This is a great group of people. :) In a way, we're our own family! WELCOME!!  Marie

Hi. I am a recovering bulimic in the beginning of this WLS process.  I saw your post and wanted to let you know that you should get help.  I could have written " I hate myself when i do this and i honestly don't know why" in reference to my binging and purging cycle.  I am in treatment and it is really helping but it is a long process..it is not a quick fix.  I am finally getting to the root of my problems.  You do not have to go this alone...seek help.  Good luck!!

Hi there, I have been in treatment for my eating disorder twice, and sat in groups with bulimics, anorexics and binge eaters like me.  I am also a licensed social worker, and have done extensive research on eating disorders.  Most importantly, I have purged in the past with laxatives and sticking my finger down my throat.   The emotions related to your behavior, that awful shame and disgust you described, is what I understand and relate to the most.  You said that you quit treatment when things got too deep.  I would encourage you to go back into therapy, or get evaluated for treatment, and stick with it no matter how deep things get.  It is not what I eat, but what is eating me, that makes me put food in my mouth, and makes me miserable with the bingeing, purging, dumping, and whatever consequences come from not following my diet as prescribed by my surgeon.  Finding out why is the key to recovery, and making life long changes in the eating disordered thinking.   Hang in there. Hugs, Trish