Been lurking and laying low

I had a pretty bad relapse a few weeks ago, and have been laying low, and lurking since then.  The relapse taught me a few things, and I have been trying to process them, and implement them, and keep my mouth shut and just listen, if you know what I mean. The first thing I learned was that I drink more since my surgery, than prior to my sobriety before it.   I also did not get a hangover, or any other physical consequence, which was not a good thing.   The second thing I learned is that I need to attend meetings, and I can come up with a ton of excuses to not get to them.   The third thing I learned is that I can isolate more than I ever thought possible.   The fourth thing is that I don't really have the internal motivation to get sober, or take care of myself, but have to do it anyway.  I know I don't want the external motivation of a traffic violation or loss of a job to cause me to have to get sober.  It would have helped to at least get a hangover, or some other thing. I have been struggling a lot lately with a lot of emotional issues.  My psychiatrist had changed my meds a few months ago, and changed them back thinking the initial switch may not have been a good idea.  I am still dealing with the loss of both of my brothers, and trying to be supportive of my sister-in-law as she deals with widowhood at such a young age, while dealing with a special needs child who is a young adult.  I am also attempting to find a job in Michigan so that I can change careers, and move closer to my daughter and granddaughter. Then, this week, I get a disciplinary action against me at work for my attendance, due to absences from being sick a lot this school year, along with my surgery for my hernia and my brother's funeral.  I have a meeting with my princpal tomorrow morning.  So, my brain is all scrambled, and I am an emotional mess.   The urge to drink is strong, and the reasons not to are not there right now.  I do have thirteen days of sobriety, for what that is worth.  I hope I have not bored you with my emotional dribble.  I am really just venting, and letting it all out. Hugs, Trish

Trish! I'm glad you posted!! You've been missed here, girlfriend! I'm sorry thigns seem so tough right now. You have a LOT on your plate..all stress builders, for sure!  I know how it can feel to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. If I can help, let me know! Please keep posting!! Big hugs, Marie

You know firsthand what happens when we cut ourselves off from our recovery.I am sorry you had this slip, but keep pressing on.I know how hard life can be, I suffered a miscarriage this past weekend.I just keep telling myself, "More will be revealed". You are always so kind to everyone here, I hope you stay back on the road to recovery, and keep fighting.

HUGS

Hang in there girl!  We love you!

How'd your meeting go?



love and light,
Michelle

Hi Michelle, I have been to two meetings in a row, yesterday and today.  Both at 6:00 a.m.  They are great meetings, and I missed going to them.  I am glad I am back to them.  Yesterday we read from the old stories out of the older Big Books, I can't remember the name of that book.  Today was a Step meeting. Thanks for asking. Hugs, Trish