30 days and a conundrum

Woot - got 30 days today - get a new chip.  (I've got quite a collection - poker anyone?) So um.  I need some encouragement.  No, I'm not about to drink - very blessed with that at the moment.   We're back to the oldest child.  My dumb a$$ bailed him out of jail after letting him sit there for 2 months.  The agreement was that he would obey my rules, get a job and get his GED.  I told him that not doing those things would result in me coming OFF his bond and his return to jail. Well not only has he done none of that, he doesn't seem to think he should come home at night or check in with me and he feels he should do whatever he pleases.  A great big ole f*** you mom. I HAVE to follow through with what I said I would do.  It's been a month.  That's plenty of time to see I've made a mistake.  So - in order to get him returned to jail and get off the bond, I have to personally deliver him to the jail and meet the bondsman there.  For a plethora of reasons, I'm just really struggling with doing what I said I'd do and what I know is the right thing.  Every bone in my body does not want to deal with this.  BUT  every brain cell in my head knows it's the RIGHT thing to do.   I've prayed, I've discussed.  I've moped.  I've cried.  I've mourned. I've got to find the courage to do this y'all.  Please pray for me and send some good energy my way. Love and light, m

Ohh hon.. that is a tough one..  you (and son) will most certainly be in my prayers.. God give you the courage to change the things you can  big ole hugsss to YOU.

Good Luck and power to you. I'm too passive aggressive.  I'd probably find out how much for the bondsman to track him down and maybe pay him to get him there where I'd be waiting to explain that he was headed back for failure to follow the agreed upon rules.  Does he realize how serious this is to you?  Obviously he should but he might not realize how thin the ice really is. 

I know it hurts and it's hard.  It will be worth it to take care of it sooner than later.  You set the boundary, and he is walking all over you.  Just throw him in the car and take him to the prison and drop him off with the bondsman.  No discussions, or arguments.  He will have to learn that you are not a doormat.  I remember being where you are, and vascillating between giving in to my son and kicking his a$$.  It took years of a$$ kicking, and now we have a healthy relationship, and he is in college, supporting himself.  He is off drugs, but drinks.  But he has his own place, and lives on his own. Sorry to ramble.  Just my experience. Huggles, Trish

Chickie, I can't say I know what you're going through, but I can sure appreciate how hard this must be for you. I know i'ts a tough sitch, but i'ts time to let him learn from his mistakes. If you need me, I'm here.  Hugs, Marie

...and forgive me for focusing on the negative and not CONGRATULATING YOU ON YOUR 30!!!  THAT is amazing girl!! :)  Good job!! :) Love, Marie

I, too, have been in the same seat as you.  My oldest daughter was using crack... not all the time, only about every 3-4 months, but when she would, she would steal checks and forge them, she stole everything she could get her hands on out of the house and pawned it.  She had 1 child when this started.  After the hurricane hit se texas, I sent her and her daughter to MO to be with my sister, hoping that it would help.  She came back 4  months later, pregnant, but clean ( we thought).  She slipped once while she was pregnant.  I turned her into the police every time.  Every police officer and detective told me it was a mistake to press charges against her, that I would ruin her life.  She got married in July of 06, just two weeks after her daughter was born, and I thought all would be better, very wrong.  The final straw for me was when I, along with several narc officers, found her (with the kids) buying crack.  Her "dealer" had been riding along in the vehicle (which was mine).  I completely freaked out because of my fear for the kids.  She turned herself in to her po and asked for help.  She went into a state controlled rehab facility (same as prison) for 9 months, followed by 3 mos in a safe house.  When she came home, she was completely different.  She is still very immature in many ways, but at leat I don't have to worry about the cops finding her dead in a crack house from an od.  In some ways, I feel guilty for turning her in because it is very difficult for her to find a good job as she now has a record, but it is seriously outweighed by my thankfulness that she is alive, healthy and can be there for her kids.   I struggled throughout the entire ordeal, from wishing she would just "go away" to extreme mourning, because this wasn't how I raised her.  I can tell you, that it is one of the most difficult things for a parent to deal with and no one can make the decision for you.  The only way you will survive this is by keeping your faith, and most importantly, having someone to talk to.  Someone who truly understands, will listen and not judge.  I didn't have anyone I could lean on and truthfully, I almost didn't survive psychologically.  If you ever need to talk, please feel free to shoot me an email at [email protected]. Good luck and God Bless, Tonette