Relapsed Again

Hi there, I had a rough week, did not make any meetings, and drank again, two nights in a row.  This is how it went a when I relapsed from my 8+ years back in the 90s.  I would get a few weeks together and then drink again.   My therapist kicked my butt royally because I had not been going to meetings and my thinking stinks big time.  So, I called my sponsor last night, fessed up to the relapse, and made a good meeting today.  It was a women's meeting and the topics were powerlessness and self-care.  I wrote four pages on that subject for my Step One writing for my sponsor back in December when I first relapsed.   The triggers are not as important as my thinking concerning them.  I have a friend who thinks I am self-sabotaging my recovery out of fear of success.  She is right.  My therapist thinks my thoughts about certain events that took place this past week are not rational, and he is right.  He also believes that if I keep drinking I will hit a disaster on my way down hill.   So, I am here, sober for two days, and not wrapped too tight.  I called my sponsor and left her a message this afternoon after I made my meeting.  I have not heard from her yet, but I do understand that she has a life too.   Sorry this is so long.  I just have to be honest about where I am at.  When I make my meetings, I do so much better.  When I don't make my meetings, I relapse and hit the skids big time.   Hugs, Trish

glad you are okay today Trish.. thanks for putting this out here.. sometimes life is just f'ing hard.  Hope you make a meeting tomorrow.  You have your answer.. when you go to meetings you do fine. love you

Thanks, Rhonda.  I hope to attend a meeting first thing in the morning. Hugs, Trish

Big ole hugs to you Trish..!!

Trish, I'm so proud of you for having the courage to put your soul on this board like this!! I love you my friend...you know what to do!  Hugs, Marie