I don't know..

right this minute.. right this second I'm not sure of the next step to take but to just continue to move forward.. take a breath.. TRY to do the right thing.. altho I don't know what the right thing is for ME right this minute.. right this second.. Dan had a relapse this weekend..  I don't know if I should post this here.. cuz many people who know him read here.. I don't want to cause him embarrassment, but I post here often.. and this is about me also.. and (like Michelle) I need to put this out in the UNIVERSE..  so this is where I post.    for me.. I'm just numb.. I want peace in my life.  I want my home to be a place that I can feel safe in.  That I can go to and not worry about if he slips or relapses.  If he lived next door and relapses, that's fine.. it's his life.. but at least I can go to my home and not have to deal with the DRAMA that being drunk causes.  I can not control his drinking, but I can control him drinking in my home and that is by him not living there possibly.  I want to beable to allow him to get better..  he's kinda back on track yesterday, but without a meeting.  He needs a meeting!  I like our life together when he's not drinking.. but it sure as hell f'ing sucks when he is drinking..  SOMETIMES I think.. it's kinda like a woman who gets slapped around.. and he's sorry.. and apologizes.. and she knows that he REALLY is sorry..  but there is no guarentee that it will not happen again.  As Dr. Phil says.. do I have it within ME that if this happens again.. it will destroy me.  I don't think it will.. I'm pretty damn strong.. but when does a person say.. enough is enough. I heard once that we get as many chances as we need..  and I love that saying.. I struggle right this minute.. right this second.. on how many chances do we give someone else?  I know no one on here can answer THIS question for ME.. it's one I can only answer.   But I do appreciate your SUPPORT. HUGS with LOVE

Was this a slip or a full fledge relapse?

You used the word drama, so I'm assuming full fledge relapse.

Listen up beautiful.....You gotta do for you. YOU are who is #1.

I don't know what to say really. I've done it so I can't be hypocritical twards Daniel. It's HARD. Altho, as you said, you have to know when enough is enough.

I'm so sorry this happened. If you need anything call me!

is (at least)  three days of being drunk a slip or relapse..??   thanks Lizzie..  again I don't KNOW what I'm going to do.. he wants to do the right thing.. stay here and face it.  I will have to decide if he does that in an apt.. or if he can continue to stay with me.  Sometimes decisions are just so damn hard..  just keep us in your prayers please..

yikes...I've never had a 3 day binge.........prayers going up.

Big hug. Coming from the doofus (me) who played the "if you can't beat 'em join 'em" card,  I can see my way round all the angles - been there, done that, bought the teeshirt - and it has a big tear down teh front and my junk falls out when I wear it...  *grin*   Each of us as individuals know what is right for us.  I only suggest not rushing into action based on your fears or emotions right now.  Breathe a bit, think, ponder.  decide what you can and cannot handle.  Then take care of you in a loving nurturing way, no matter what your decisions. lovin you! Michelle

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727&subForumID=94433 I don't normally post on this site but I have in the past. This is a great forum for Alanon. It has saved my sanity many times and has taught me how to detach and take care of myself. I will keep you in my prayers.

thank you for the site.. I've often wondered if I needed to be in Alanon or AA more.. I am an alcoholic too.  I am sorta detached from Dan's drinking.. accept for when he did it right under my nose.  Saturday nite I did a no..no and poured the remaining of his vodkie out.. but then later kinda regretted it cuz I thought damn.. he may have passed out sooner.. and then I wouldn't have to deal with this.   now I know why they say don't pour their liquor out.! Thank his HigherPower he's back on track as of yesterday.. spoke to his sponsor.. and a few other AA friends.. and attended a meeting.. he says.  I and he knows it's totally up to him.. if he wins it's his doing, if he slips.. it's his doings.  We both just know that I WILL  reach a point where I will say .. "enough.. GET OUT.. "  thanks for the prayers.. please keep them coming!!

It might be a good idea to attend an Alanon meeting now and then for support in coming to terms with this problem.  I used to attend ACOA meetings, which are for adult children of alcoholics, as well as AA.  You need support from other people who are dealing with alcoholics in their lives, BUT you also need to work your AA program for your recovery as well.  I know many people who work both programs.   Hugs, Trish

In 2002, my son was beginning his recovery journey from heroin.  I was newly sober, and very, very shaky.  I told him that if he used again while living with me, he would be kicked out.  Well, he got arrested for possession, and I kicked him out.  I did not even bail him out of prison.  He had one chance at recovery, and then he had to go try it at his Dad's.  He lasted a year therre, and got kicked out again.   Your recovery is the most important thing you can concern yourself with.  It should come before your relationship with Dan.  I know that is hard to comprehend, but you can only control you.   I don't envy you at this time.  It is probably the hardest thing in the world to go through.  I know that going through it with my son was Hell. Hugs, Trish

Rhonda,

Big hugs to you and Dan!  I know how tough this is. You have to put yourself and your sobriety first right now. I think a meeting as often as you need for YOU is required here. I hope Dan can find his way back to sobriety again. I've got the two fo you in my prayers hon!

Keep the faith,

Marie