When Recovery is MESSY!

I'm Jana and my drug of choice is food. I've been abstinent since December 16. My issue today is that I'm so sick and tired of going to OA meetings, sitting in a circle, reading from the Big Book or a Step or Tradition and then having EVERYONE say like the Stepford Wives, "I'm so grateful for this reading today - I can so relate to what it said and it reminds me of xxxxxx; I'm grateful for my recovery....." La la la la.  PUKE! I'm sick and tired of the message being projected that you get abstinent, do your 12 steps and life is just peachy. Well, screw that **** - eat the damn peach!  Of course, my OA area encourages people to work the 12 steps even though they are not abstinent.  I've pointed out what good would it do for an active alcoholic to do a Step 4 inventory and they all agree that they wouldn't be clear headed enough, it would just be the alcohol talking - but if we waited for OAs to be abstinent, no one would even work one step! Then what's wrong with our OA program?!?!?! My recovery is messy right now.  I've got emotions pouring out of me and I'm talking about them.  I'm so mad at my husband I could throw him out with yesterday's newspaper and I don't want to play nice when he gets home tonight.  I'm ticked at the OA person who told me, "Well, what do you expect? You went and mutilated your body; you chose all of this - you deal with it!" Yes, I'm grateful that I took advantage of this tool - I spent my inheritance to pay for it.  I'm grateful that God gave this option to me.  I'm grateful to be alive today and to have hope for a normal life.  I'm grateful that God is walking every step of this journey with me - but dammit, I hate that my recovery is so messy to others and I can't just sit back and Stepford Wife everything and I'm so not damn sorry that it's so hard for them to deal with!!! And oh joy, I get to go to another OA meeting in an hour! Thanks for listening! Jana

Jana, Hi, I'm Liz, nice to meet you. *offers handshake*

I can understand to an extent of OA. My obese ass attempted OA before surgery and it did not work in my favor.


Dude, obviously life is not peachy, OA sucks just like AA sucks, but I go because I have to. If I don't, I **** up. When I **** up, I **** up everything and anything in my way--That includes my husband and house hold.

It's now to the point, if I don't go, I'm an asshole. It's when I don't go that the temptation is even larger than normal. ABNORMALLY LARGER. That's with food, alcohol, drugs....Whatever the urge may be.

As for the husband, What the hell good is it going to do to "not play nice when he gets home tonight".

AND, I hate to sound like an asshole, but honestly if someone said this to me....

"Well, what do you expect? You went and mutilated your body; you chose all of this - you deal with it!"

Yea, I'd be pissed, then I'd think about it logically, and think ...yup she/he's right. I'm fat, I know the difference between good and bad foods since I was 10 years old, I make my own decisions to eat what I want....drink what I want...eat RX medications recreationally.......

I have to deal with my own reality. I have to deal with all of the stupid **** I've done to my body, inside and out.


Know that you have come to the right place, I'm sorry you are pissed. Keep comin back!

Hi Jana, First, let me tell you that I have been where you are many times in OA and AA meetings.  I would want to smack the person upside the head who says they are grateful for OA, and all that BS. But, let me challenge you with something about the AA program.  In the early days of AA, they did the steps right away, like in a few days or so.  My suggestion would be to find your definition of abstinence.  Go with the guidelines your surgeon gave you when you had the surgery.  Follow that food plan to the best of your ability.  Then, get to work on the steps, ASAP. In the meantime, start using the tools of recovery to cope with the negative emotions that are coming up inside of you.  Pick up the phone and talk to someone.  Journal.  Pray and meditate.  Take a walk.  Cry.  Let the emotions work themselves out in a healthy way.  Keep working the steps, and yes, go to meetings and talk about them.   When I first got sober in 2001, I was going through a personal hell.  I went to meetings for months and shared like this, "I am Trish, and I am an alcoholic.  I want to drink in the worst way.  My life is chaos, I am going through a divorce and my son is strung out on heroin.  BUT, I am not going to drink today.  I don't know what tomorrow holds.  Thanks for letting me share."  I could not say I was grateful for anything.  I was on the verge of drinking almost everyday for months.   hang in there.  Life is messy.  Recovery is a process, the journey not the destination. Hugss, Trish

I sometimes would sit and listen to people do this at meetings, and I would want to stand up and yell, "OH C'MON PEOPLE!!!! Get real, tell the truth because you are all full of ****!" I think allot of people are too afraid or embarrassed to be totally honest no matter where we are.When I am at work, I know how two faced my co workers are, and have confronted a couple.It doesn't make an ounce of difference.The only person being affected is ME.I have to live comfortably in my own skin.  Next time you feel like this, come out with your brutal honesty and see if soemone can be honest and relate to you.If they won't, come here.

I last wento to an OA meeting about 15 years ago.  I had been abstinent and then lost my abstinence.  In my earlier years there, they treated you like a pariah if you did that.  Later, they started saying that slips in abstinence were part of recovery.  I like the feel good aspects of OA but it just didn't work for me.  Yeah, I know it doesn't work unless you work the program, but I worked the program and Gained 300 lbs in 20 years. My last couple of shrinks have agreed that most 12 step programs do not really have good track records, but they are the best programs for treating addictions.  They said that total success in AA occcurs about 35% of the time and that OA has the worst percentage of success.  But, they also said that the statistics are subject to interpretation since most views term success as total abstinence with no relapses.  They agree that most people will have relapses and the best thing to do is to have as quick a recovery as possible.  They just don't know if the addicted person can best do that through a 12 step program, another program, or individual counseling. I know that I don't work well in groups.  I'm bi-polar and on meds.  I respond well to meds and to individual therapy, but I really stink at group therapy.  I get too involved with trying to solve others' problems.  I really need the response of an individual therapist.   I was seeking addiction counseling since I haven't been dealing with that aspect of my life since a few months post op from WLS.  Now I'm in the process of trying to get therapy in addition to having a shrink.  This is not something new, but it is something I haven't done in about 20 years.  So, I have hope now. My problem is integrating the treatment for my food addiction with the treatment for bi-polar disease.  Right now, my meds are working so well that I think I can get something done.  But, I know that my mental condition only gets worse with time;  I know that I'll need adjustments in my meds as I age.  Right now, the meds are enabling me to be free of most of my demons so I'm trying to take care of myself now. I did have limited success following my original RNY and revision (due to a staple line disruption).  I started my journey at 571 and I'm now 365.  But, I know I'd be a lot healthier if I were thinner.  I'm a grazer, a sugar and white flour addict, and a junk food junkie.