Underlying Problems??

Many folks have told me that I won't be able to get my alcoholism in chec****il I "resolve whatever is the underlying issue that caused me to drink".    All I can say is "Say What?"  I have no clue what this issue might be and truthfully don't believe there is one for me.   As opposed to many I was very fortunate and had a great childhood.  Mom was my Den Mother, Dad became my Scout Master, I went on to be an Eagle Scout and traveled across the nation to backpack, canoe, or engage in other major activities [acutally met the then current President and the Queen Mum during one activity].  Played Varsity football and track, ski club and honor society.  This is not meant as any bragging or puffery but just giving background.  Obviously no abuse or molestation. My grandparents were alcoholics who were quite comfortable financially (Scotch drinkers) and lived hundreds of miles away, they never really had any impact in my life.  Folks didn't drink except on social occasions and even then very moderately. So What the Hell Happened to Me?  I remember being at one of my first parties in High School and I had 5 beers left of a 6 pack and some other guy had most of a pint of Southern Comfort, we swapped sips and immediately switched beverages with me enjoying the pint of SC. So my question is...Is there an underlying problem or do some folks become alcoholics just because?    

My parents rarely touched a drop of alcohol. Mom had a gambling problem....Almost all my uncles and aunts on both sides were alcoholics. I think "what happened to you" (and me) is that we are genetically predisposed to alcoholism, AND, we have addictive personalities. I don't know about you, but I can be addicted to ANYTHING.  I've since traded booze for several other stimulants.  Personally, its' not so important to know WHY. First thing you gotta do is stop,if you haven't already.  By whatever means works for you.  This starts my 22nd year of knowing who and where I am every time I wake up....I much prefer life with a clean and sober ME in control instead of alcohol. Marie

If you read the AA Big Book, there are many stories of people with totally normal childhoods who become alcoholics.  I believe Bill Wilson's story is one.  Yet, he needed to work the 12 steps, and do the inventory in step 4 and make amends in step 9, before he was able to be released from the obsession to drink.  You may be like him, and just need the 12 steps.  If you do not already attend AA, I encourage you to try it.  If you would like to read the AA Big Book, you can do that online if you don't own one. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ I hope this helps. Hugs, Trish

Just my .02 worth: My family sounds like very much like yours.  We were so good scout family - my dad was a Silver Beaver! Sure my dad drank, but never excessively.  My aunt on my mom's side was an alcoholic, but like your grandparents, we rarely saw her.  But out of five kids (my siblings) we have a sex addict (raped by two older boys in conjunction with a Scouts event but never told anyone) and two food addicts (me and my sister) and one of the other two I suspect has some sort of addiction, just can't put my finger on it, and my other brother is apparently (still not sure) okay. What was the underlying issue for my family?  That we weren't good enough.  It was the shame from my mom's side that she got pregnant before she was married (this was back in the late '40's) and that she was always "the big one" in the family.  Both her sisters were tiny little things - but it was my mom that was sent out with her brothers to help work the ranch because she was big enough. (She was probably a size 16 at most and has never weighed more than 200 in her life - I topped out at 440 and my sister was probably about 300)  It was the shame from my dad's family that he, too, was the big one; he never finished college while his brothers went on to be a MD and the other a chemical engineer. (Why didn't he finish college? Oh that was because his dad called him back home to work the family business and oh, yeah, that business my dad was running paid for the college and medical school of the MD and college for the engineer!! And there that was most embarrassing moment of my dad got my mom pregnant and they HAD to get married - the foundation of the First United Presbyterian Church shook that day!!) So we had two black sheeps marry each other and THEN they had the nerve to have FIVE kids.  My grandfather (dad's dad) told dad that maybe SOME of us would get through college, but NEVER would all of us! HA! I'm the youngest and I graduated from the University of Nebraska in 1987 - all five of us graduated. All of us grew up thinking we had to be ready to pick up all the pieces because the world could fly into **** anytime.  We knew better than to ever bring shame to our family name - not that we didn't do weird-ass **** I know I did, just smart enough not to get caught!  We grew up learning how to isolate - my mom's favorite saying was "with a stiff upper lip" and "with dignity", meaning we rise above whatever is going around us, we never let "them" see us sweat, cry, or even blink in the event of adversity or trouble.  You march on no matter what. I could go on and on but I already have.  I share this to demonstrate that it's not always an active addiction that spurs an addictive cycle.  In our family it was the shame and not being good enough that turned into the elephant in the room.  My dad has passed, but my mom still doesn't understand what the big deal is/was.  That's okay, but I have to march to my own recovery. Good luck and keep in touch! Jana

I know exactly what my underlying issues are.

My son dying. Broken family after my mom dies. My older sister.

I could go into detail and type forever, but I'm cool.

I'm 31 years old and haven't talked to my sister since thanksgiving because she cracked a fat joke at me, when I'm smaller than her now. I wouldn't even be so pissed, if she didn't do it in front of her kids and they start laughing.

Yea, that's ****** hilarious.


I know my underlying issues, and I still drink/drugs(not now, but recently)

The answer to your question, I'm a firm believer that we bring things upon ourselves. I'm not going to blame my alcoholic tendencies on underlying issues. I'm not going to blame my problems or this that or the other.

Does that make sense?

Thanks to everyone *****sponded.  You're right Marie, I have an addictive personality.  Hobbies, etc are very intense and then fade out to be replaced with the next interest.  I have started reattending meetings Trish.  I never really did do an honest step 4, 5, or 9 and this is something I hope to change this time.  Still stuck on step 2/3 right now because as soon as I turn it over I pull it back.  PS - really like the new avatar.  Jana, you and I are probably the only people on this board who can hear the phrase "Silver Beaver" and not act like 6th graders (although I do have to work a little at keeping a straight face)!  That award alone tells me about the intense devotion your family must have had to scouting.  I think everyone has fear of failure, a fear that is probably greater for the folks on this board because we've been up, and we've been downnnn.  Luckily most of my current life has been back up but that ledge is awully damn close when I've been drinking and sometimes when I look back at my actions it looks like I've been playing chicken seeing how close I can go without falling off.  Cutie I am so sorry to hear about your losses.  My skin is so thin that it doesn't take much at all for me to get wounded; although that doesn't necessarilly lead to a drink for me it just adds to the damaged self-esteem which continues my unhealthy thinking and attitudes. Don't know what caused me to post this in the first place, probably just looking for an easy answer that I know is not there but maybe hoping I'd missed.  Thank you for all your input and listening!

I have heard this many times at meetings. Some people are just prone to have and addicitive nature.I also have heard that the longer we are sober, that more is revealed.The answer to your question may come at a much later date.It does not always stand out in the open, if it did, would some of us even be here? Give time, time.  I know I am a junkie, I don't know why, but I am.There could be a load of reasons why, and I have never asked why.It seems pretty obvious to me why I am in recovery.But for people like you who are not sure, stay tuned.More will come as you move forward.