Tra lalalalala...update
Afternoon everyone.
I am 16 days sober....again.
Under Dr's supervision, I am weaning myself off of all of my mental meds, I'm not feeling normal, I don't like them, I know I am strong enough to handle life on my own terms, it can't be this freakin hard for cryin out loud.
I start Out patient services on January 22nd, for my alcohol/xanax/ativan addiction. I went in for an eval and was brutally honest with them and myself....I'm the sneakyist, shadyist ******* you will ever meet when it comes to getting my fix. I don't like that person.
I'm also having female issues, that I am hoping has to deal with stress with all of this 2nd dui **** and the mixture of medications(mental meds, and stomach meds).
So I have an ob/gyn appointment next tuesday. Preparing myself for the worst, seeing as last time I was pregnant, My son was born at 28 weeks, and passed away on his 1st weeks birthday. My stupid ass, thought my dr's were evil and haven't returned since. My symptoms are pointing twards menapause. I'm 31 with no children, this can't be happening. So I am preparing myself for the worst. Ovarian cycsts, ovarian cancer, my uterus just not wanting to work right.
God has a plan for me, Damnit, I don't know what it is, but I'm sure this has something to do with it.
I am grateful for being alive today. I'm grateful for having a husband crazier than me. I am grateful for a plura of things. I need to start realizing these things and stop dwelling on the past and all the negatives.
I love you guys, and I hope you are all doing well, and staying sober, and honestly evaluating yourself when it comes to your addictions.
Liz
I am 16 days sober....again.
Under Dr's supervision, I am weaning myself off of all of my mental meds, I'm not feeling normal, I don't like them, I know I am strong enough to handle life on my own terms, it can't be this freakin hard for cryin out loud.
I start Out patient services on January 22nd, for my alcohol/xanax/ativan addiction. I went in for an eval and was brutally honest with them and myself....I'm the sneakyist, shadyist ******* you will ever meet when it comes to getting my fix. I don't like that person.
I'm also having female issues, that I am hoping has to deal with stress with all of this 2nd dui **** and the mixture of medications(mental meds, and stomach meds).
So I have an ob/gyn appointment next tuesday. Preparing myself for the worst, seeing as last time I was pregnant, My son was born at 28 weeks, and passed away on his 1st weeks birthday. My stupid ass, thought my dr's were evil and haven't returned since. My symptoms are pointing twards menapause. I'm 31 with no children, this can't be happening. So I am preparing myself for the worst. Ovarian cycsts, ovarian cancer, my uterus just not wanting to work right.
God has a plan for me, Damnit, I don't know what it is, but I'm sure this has something to do with it.
I am grateful for being alive today. I'm grateful for having a husband crazier than me. I am grateful for a plura of things. I need to start realizing these things and stop dwelling on the past and all the negatives.
I love you guys, and I hope you are all doing well, and staying sober, and honestly evaluating yourself when it comes to your addictions.
Liz
Go Steelers!!
October, 1st, 2004-LapRNY
298/157/140'ish
October, 1st, 2004-LapRNY
298/157/140'ish
Hey Sweetie,
It sounds like you are going through an emotional and physical wringer. It sucks to deal with life on life's terms on a good day. You will be okay as long as you stay honest, and willing. Chapter Five in the Big Book says the people who do not recover are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. I believe that because of my own recent relapse and other issues.
Huggles,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Thanks for sharing Lizzie
I'm glad to hear that you are taking baby steps.. again.. just keep it simple and honest.
I do believe that it can be this freakin hard... many(every) person in AA is smart.. intelligent.. or at least not out right STUPID.. and they (we) all suffer/struggle with this addiction that I'm sure they (we) would love to not have. If it was "not this freakin hard.. " AA would not have the huge amount of people that go there every single day.. hour. People who are known to be intellectual.. like doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers.. when I see people like them there.. I KNOW it's more than me being stupid. I'm dealing with something that's more powerful.. baffling and cunning than the smartest people. I think that's why many on the outside (not addictive) can't get us.. they say .. just don't drink.. what the hell.. how hard is THAT.. ?? We know it is hard.. it takes more than US.. to stop. It does take a spiritual awakening inside us and some hard work to help battle this addiction.
Love you and Mike.. cuz he's watching over you.. he can't and is not responsible for you and your actions.. but I do appreciate that he's being "there" for you. But to tell truth.. if he decided not to be.. I could not hold that against him either. It would be hard for anyone to live with our addiction who does not suffer either.. not to say they don't love us.. but they don't have to suffer our consequences..
I will continue to keep you in my daily prayer.. good luck at the docs.. keep me posted on YOU.. cuz I do love YOU.. no matter what stage/step you are on
I'm glad to hear that you are taking baby steps.. again.. just keep it simple and honest.
I do believe that it can be this freakin hard... many(every) person in AA is smart.. intelligent.. or at least not out right STUPID.. and they (we) all suffer/struggle with this addiction that I'm sure they (we) would love to not have. If it was "not this freakin hard.. " AA would not have the huge amount of people that go there every single day.. hour. People who are known to be intellectual.. like doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers.. when I see people like them there.. I KNOW it's more than me being stupid. I'm dealing with something that's more powerful.. baffling and cunning than the smartest people. I think that's why many on the outside (not addictive) can't get us.. they say .. just don't drink.. what the hell.. how hard is THAT.. ?? We know it is hard.. it takes more than US.. to stop. It does take a spiritual awakening inside us and some hard work to help battle this addiction.
Love you and Mike.. cuz he's watching over you.. he can't and is not responsible for you and your actions.. but I do appreciate that he's being "there" for you. But to tell truth.. if he decided not to be.. I could not hold that against him either. It would be hard for anyone to live with our addiction who does not suffer either.. not to say they don't love us.. but they don't have to suffer our consequences..
I will continue to keep you in my daily prayer.. good luck at the docs.. keep me posted on YOU.. cuz I do love YOU.. no matter what stage/step you are on 
Hi Sweetie :kiss:
Like the old saying goes "lets not worry until we have something to worry about" I know easier said then done :-)
Liz, I don't have a drinking or drug problem so I realize I can't totally relate on what you are going through but I can tell you as an outsider looking in I know what you are going through is so difficult and I'm so proud of all that you have accomplished and are still working on....be kind to yourself, celebrate the successes, learn from the failures and know that you have come much farther then you give yourself credit for. I will keep you in my prayers that everything goes well at the doctor...please let me know.
Big Hugs :love:
Barb
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